Beloved Dad . . .
Father had more children . . .69 total reviews
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
Ah Linda - this is quite heart-breaking and perhaps what you discovered might have been better left undiscovered. But you needed to know. If a father dies it is bad, but at least you feel had he lived he would be with you always (my father was killed in war) and that's what I feel. But you feel let down. I hope writing this piece helps in some small way. Bless you - warm regards Dorothy x
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2015
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Ah Linda - this is quite heart-breaking and perhaps what you discovered might have been better left undiscovered. But you needed to know. If a father dies it is bad, but at least you feel had he lived he would be with you always (my father was killed in war) and that's what I feel. But you feel let down. I hope writing this piece helps in some small way. Bless you - warm regards Dorothy x
Comment Written 15-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2015
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Thank you for reading, Dorothy, and for your kind words. Linda
Comment from Lovinia
Oh dear Linda
You thought perhaps that visiting your father's grave might have been cathartic and bring you some peace. Abandonment of a child/children is bad enough but to refuse acknowledgement over the years unto death is unforgivable. Yet as Christians we are taught to forgive "those who trespass against us". Not always as easy as it sounds. Confusion and pain go hand in hand in your poignant story, both for your life-time so far in not knowing him, and then, worse, knowing he re-married and had another child and grandchildren who call him "Beloved Dad and Pa-Pa". I can well see how that "knife" was twisted a few more turns.
A step brother or sister who may welcome you with open arms or reject - "yet more questions/compound the confusion".
"I sit here slack-jawed
mouth open in shock
stunned
by this new revelation -- "stunned" is the operative word here. You evoke strong emotions as the reader, if not already, feels your pain with you. With the next verse you really pull at the heart strings and have the courage to expose a deep, deep hurt.
pain so deep, every morning I greet
numbness and disbelief
never before met a tear too big to cry
nor pain too deep to feel" -- it must be mind numbing to have to revisit the crux of the very essence of your existence. What happens to us in childhood is often relived repeatedly, or stays buried to torment us with the pain at a subliminal level. It;s almost this early perception stays with us until we find some resolve.
"this new information
from his tombstone
like a boa constrictor
eating an elephant" --- WOW! You hit home with the enormity of your feelings, the simile is a strong visual.
"I slowly suffocate" -- as I read your poem I feel your deep pain with you and I'm sure other readers will feel the same. I hope this does provide some solace. Knowing so many friends encircle you in their love and respect. Your concluding line is not the conclusion of your inner conflict. I do feel some small relief in that such a good friend was with you. This line is so heart-wrenching, so intense, so very full of pain. As a friend I want to reach out and grab that constrictor by the throat forcing it to disgorge. You show great courage to reveal and make yourself vulnerable to the horror of this truth. I hope, in some way, time will give you some relief. All I can offer is love and prayers for the healing light to engulf you.
Love and hugs - Lovi xooxo It's always good to share the pain and the tears.
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2015
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Oh dear Linda
You thought perhaps that visiting your father's grave might have been cathartic and bring you some peace. Abandonment of a child/children is bad enough but to refuse acknowledgement over the years unto death is unforgivable. Yet as Christians we are taught to forgive "those who trespass against us". Not always as easy as it sounds. Confusion and pain go hand in hand in your poignant story, both for your life-time so far in not knowing him, and then, worse, knowing he re-married and had another child and grandchildren who call him "Beloved Dad and Pa-Pa". I can well see how that "knife" was twisted a few more turns.
A step brother or sister who may welcome you with open arms or reject - "yet more questions/compound the confusion".
"I sit here slack-jawed
mouth open in shock
stunned
by this new revelation -- "stunned" is the operative word here. You evoke strong emotions as the reader, if not already, feels your pain with you. With the next verse you really pull at the heart strings and have the courage to expose a deep, deep hurt.
pain so deep, every morning I greet
numbness and disbelief
never before met a tear too big to cry
nor pain too deep to feel" -- it must be mind numbing to have to revisit the crux of the very essence of your existence. What happens to us in childhood is often relived repeatedly, or stays buried to torment us with the pain at a subliminal level. It;s almost this early perception stays with us until we find some resolve.
"this new information
from his tombstone
like a boa constrictor
eating an elephant" --- WOW! You hit home with the enormity of your feelings, the simile is a strong visual.
"I slowly suffocate" -- as I read your poem I feel your deep pain with you and I'm sure other readers will feel the same. I hope this does provide some solace. Knowing so many friends encircle you in their love and respect. Your concluding line is not the conclusion of your inner conflict. I do feel some small relief in that such a good friend was with you. This line is so heart-wrenching, so intense, so very full of pain. As a friend I want to reach out and grab that constrictor by the throat forcing it to disgorge. You show great courage to reveal and make yourself vulnerable to the horror of this truth. I hope, in some way, time will give you some relief. All I can offer is love and prayers for the healing light to engulf you.
Love and hugs - Lovi xooxo It's always good to share the pain and the tears.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2015
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Lovi: thank you so much in your detailed review and all of your so very kind words. I had hoped the cemetery visit would bring some conclusion or let me rid myself of some of the negative energy taking up space within me. However, it just added to the burden. Now I must seek to find my step-sibling(s). I want them to tell me about the man known as father to all of us. I'm still walking around in this stunned and confused condition, occasionally bursting into tears. Our fathers are the first and most important men in our lives who demonstrate to us how all men should act. Unfortunately, men, generally speaking, are not my most favorite people. Well, off to better things. Linda
Comment from BeasPeas
Linda I can imagine your shock and dismay regarding this event. Your poem, I hope, lightens the load as you spread your emotions around to us who can feel your turmoil through your words. Perhaps there is something "good" that can come out of this. Blessings, Marilyn/BeasPeas
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2015
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Linda I can imagine your shock and dismay regarding this event. Your poem, I hope, lightens the load as you spread your emotions around to us who can feel your turmoil through your words. Perhaps there is something "good" that can come out of this. Blessings, Marilyn/BeasPeas
Comment Written 15-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2015
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Thanks for reading BeasPeas. Right now I am still stunned over this discovery. livelylinda
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I hope you will share with us, if you feel comfortable with that, as circumstances unfold. I sympathize with your dilemma. Marilyn
Comment from TPAC
Great conveyance. Appealing in its read filled with super coherent descriptive words conveyed in lines structuring, I in my given opinion liked allot about this composition.
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2015
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Great conveyance. Appealing in its read filled with super coherent descriptive words conveyed in lines structuring, I in my given opinion liked allot about this composition.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2015
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Thank you TPAC, for reading and commenting. livelyinda
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is an excellent write, linda, what a terrible way to find out that your father had more children. it is a shame that he threw his first children away. I can imagine the shock
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2015
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this is an excellent write, linda, what a terrible way to find out that your father had more children. it is a shame that he threw his first children away. I can imagine the shock
Comment Written 15-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2015
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Thank you jax for reading, commenting and understanding. Linda
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Finding out you had a "preferred" sibling at your father's grave would be quite a blow to have to deal with.
Hard to see yourself as thrown away, in favor of somebody else.
Any man can be a father. Not every man can be a dad.
Big difference between the two, as this well written poem depicts.
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2015
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Finding out you had a "preferred" sibling at your father's grave would be quite a blow to have to deal with.
Hard to see yourself as thrown away, in favor of somebody else.
Any man can be a father. Not every man can be a dad.
Big difference between the two, as this well written poem depicts.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2015
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Brett Matthew West: thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts with me about this poem. livelylinda
Comment from Sambangi
Hi Linda,
It certainly pricks my heart. Not sure it is a fiction or reality. Of course there are many in this world with the same fate. My heart goes with you. It is highly emotional and I can imagine the depth of your feelings when you wrote this
Sambangi
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2015
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Hi Linda,
It certainly pricks my heart. Not sure it is a fiction or reality. Of course there are many in this world with the same fate. My heart goes with you. It is highly emotional and I can imagine the depth of your feelings when you wrote this
Sambangi
Comment Written 15-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2015
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Sambangi: it is real. Thank you for reading and commenting. livelylinda
Comment from duchessofdrumborg
"Beloved Dad.......", is an exceptionally well-written and heart-breaking piece, was a privilege to both read and review. Pain so deep must be almost impossible to live with.
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2015
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"Beloved Dad.......", is an exceptionally well-written and heart-breaking piece, was a privilege to both read and review. Pain so deep must be almost impossible to live with.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2015
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Thank you so much, duchessofdrumborg, for reading, commenting, understanding and thinking this poem six star worthy. livelylinda
livelylinda, you're more than welcome, and certainly deserved the six sparkling stars.
Best wishes, the Duchess
Comment from Eric1
Hi Linda, my heart goes out to you my friend, I can understand you thinking 'Did he hate us that much' and then seeing those words upon his tombstone.
Your wonderful free verse poem describes it all so perfectly.
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2015
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Hi Linda, my heart goes out to you my friend, I can understand you thinking 'Did he hate us that much' and then seeing those words upon his tombstone.
Your wonderful free verse poem describes it all so perfectly.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2015
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Eric1: his first batch of kids, my sister and I, were only one and two years old when he fled to another city, another wife and family. How could he have hated us?? Thanks for reading and commenting. livelylinda
Comment from scd41
You have penned a very emotive poem and left the readers like me dazed. I can fully understand your feelings of shock when you finally located the headstone of your father. He had deserted you when you were two years old and remarried. His children through second marriage regard him as beloved dad but anybody in your place would wish she had not got this shocking information.
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2015
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You have penned a very emotive poem and left the readers like me dazed. I can fully understand your feelings of shock when you finally located the headstone of your father. He had deserted you when you were two years old and remarried. His children through second marriage regard him as beloved dad but anybody in your place would wish she had not got this shocking information.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2015
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scd41: Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts. I had not anticipated that he had more children. I knew he remarried but he so easily ditched his first two daughters, why would he want more children? It was a mind numbing moment when I read, "Beloved Dad and Papa".