The Olive Branch
Boy learns a new word: hearse.51 total reviews
Comment from chasennov
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Boy learns a new word: hearse. "The Olive Branch" This is a very good story you have created here all those years ago. You taught the boy a very good lesson, I hope he learnt from what you told him about gangs. Well done.
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
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Boy learns a new word: hearse. "The Olive Branch" This is a very good story you have created here all those years ago. You taught the boy a very good lesson, I hope he learnt from what you told him about gangs. Well done.
Comment Written 10-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
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Thank you, chasenov, for your kind review of an old story. If published, someone is going to search and find out what ever happened to David Reyes. Thanks for the review.
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You are most welcome.
Comment from jpduck
Lots to like about this. Above all I loved the way you have recreated Dave's untrammelled mind, and your ending which, if I have it right, symbolised the triumph of life over death.
One typo. (* * indicates suggested insertion):
'if not to heal the pain he must have felt behind his empty gaze, th*e*n to heal the pain I felt for him'
Adrian
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
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Lots to like about this. Above all I loved the way you have recreated Dave's untrammelled mind, and your ending which, if I have it right, symbolised the triumph of life over death.
One typo. (* * indicates suggested insertion):
'if not to heal the pain he must have felt behind his empty gaze, th*e*n to heal the pain I felt for him'
Adrian
Comment Written 10-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
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Thank you, Adrian, for your kind review and correction. I deeply appreciate it. To provide that much detail into "Dave's untrammeled mind" , I must have based the story on my diary entries immediately after shooting happened.
Comment from Ulla
This is a wonderful story so very well told and very poignant. The young Dave is growing up in such a harsh environment, that it seems almost impossible that he won't get involved with in this case the gangs. You did a good job trying to teach him some values and with an olive branch no less. The story left a deep impression, with me. Can only hope when he escaped from the area that he didn't get 'lost'. All the best. Ulla
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
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This is a wonderful story so very well told and very poignant. The young Dave is growing up in such a harsh environment, that it seems almost impossible that he won't get involved with in this case the gangs. You did a good job trying to teach him some values and with an olive branch no less. The story left a deep impression, with me. Can only hope when he escaped from the area that he didn't get 'lost'. All the best. Ulla
Comment Written 10-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
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Yes, Ulla, I wonder myself what ever happened to Dave. The environment was so harsh, that he did not have a chance. I just know his family moved shortly after I did. I am glad my story left a deep impression on you. Thanks for the review.
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
I enjoyed reading this story because it was so engaging and yes, so full of wisdom. It's hard to explain to a child the vulnerability and mortality of people. Death is something many of Us shy away from planing, Giddy
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
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I enjoyed reading this story because it was so engaging and yes, so full of wisdom. It's hard to explain to a child the vulnerability and mortality of people. Death is something many of Us shy away from planing, Giddy
Comment Written 10-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
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Yes, Giddy, "It's hard to explain to a child the vulnerability and mortality of people." One week Dave shot me in the face with a cap gun when I answered the door and he though it was funny. The next week a gang member shot his uncle in the eye and he thought it was funny until he realized Blaze was not coming back. Thank you for your review.
Comment from Eric1
Wow Sis Cat, what a truly inspirational story, it held my attention from the first well written paragraph, there is some excellent philosophy in there as well, I loved the way you told this tale my friend.
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
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Wow Sis Cat, what a truly inspirational story, it held my attention from the first well written paragraph, there is some excellent philosophy in there as well, I loved the way you told this tale my friend.
Comment Written 10-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
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Thank you, Eric, I am glad you loved the way I told this old tale. Thanks for your review.
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You are very welcome my friend.
Comment from Annette Gulliver
A well written piece, with good descriptive scenes. You showed great maturity in your explanation of death to an impressionable young boy. Let's hope that he remembered your advice, and never joined a gang.
Annette
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
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A well written piece, with good descriptive scenes. You showed great maturity in your explanation of death to an impressionable young boy. Let's hope that he remembered your advice, and never joined a gang.
Annette
Comment Written 10-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
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Yes, Annette, I impressed myself with how I handled that difficult conversation and how I wrote about it. Thank you for your review.
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you're welcome
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Andre,
This is a very well written and engaging piece. There is a lot of life lesson captured in the tale, so much more than Dave finding out what a hearse is. The tone of your writing is spot on and I always hear the voice of the piece.
Excellent descriptions as usual - Dave's finger worried his bare knee / He scratched his scabby knee with a bare, dirty foot while the other anchored to the checkered linoleum floor
Great stuff.
G
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
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Hi Andre,
This is a very well written and engaging piece. There is a lot of life lesson captured in the tale, so much more than Dave finding out what a hearse is. The tone of your writing is spot on and I always hear the voice of the piece.
Excellent descriptions as usual - Dave's finger worried his bare knee / He scratched his scabby knee with a bare, dirty foot while the other anchored to the checkered linoleum floor
Great stuff.
G
Comment Written 10-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
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Thank you, G., for your generous, six star review. I impressed myself with this story. I wrote it twenty-three years ago and forgot about it until I discovered it last month in a manila envelope which contained my first published story, "The Ghost Pumpkin Fire Brigade." I left much of the "excellent descriptions" as I found them in the manuscript. I am glad the lesson and the voice of this piece appealed to you. Once again, thanks.
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Well, it just goes to show that substance and skill never go out of fashion. Loved it. G
Comment from Cletus Hardiman
If we are alive today, death is certain at some time in the future! We look at the news on TV, and the most that we hear is who was shot today! Sad thing. A good write on this subject! Cletus Hardiman
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
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If we are alive today, death is certain at some time in the future! We look at the news on TV, and the most that we hear is who was shot today! Sad thing. A good write on this subject! Cletus Hardiman
Comment Written 10-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
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Thank you, Cletus, for your review and comments. I am glad I moved from that neighborhood.
Comment from I am Cat
wow Andre... my only problem with this, is that I'm here again, on a monday without a six for a piece of your work so deserving.
I love this... and yes, you did handle this well... Even at a younger age, you showed remarkable 'wisdom' about life events, and a true grasp of the importance of life.
I truly enjoyed this, and I was 'in it' for the entire thing. i think you really have something here... I truly do. Well done, I loved it.
Cat
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2015
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wow Andre... my only problem with this, is that I'm here again, on a monday without a six for a piece of your work so deserving.
I love this... and yes, you did handle this well... Even at a younger age, you showed remarkable 'wisdom' about life events, and a true grasp of the importance of life.
I truly enjoyed this, and I was 'in it' for the entire thing. i think you really have something here... I truly do. Well done, I loved it.
Cat
Comment Written 09-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2015
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Oh, thank you, Cat for your glowing review. Yes, it was a difficult conversation. I am impressed that I handled it as well as I did. Once again, thanks.
Comment from Loren (7)
Spellbinding account. Sorry I'm out of 6's so early in the week :( However, this does not take away the affect your re-telling of this story had on me. It was easy to picture everything going on. The dialogue, though awkward at times, reflected life as it really happens. Your insight to explain life and death, inspired. Your hope for the boy's future ... in his choices as well as in God's hands. Loren
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2015
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Spellbinding account. Sorry I'm out of 6's so early in the week :( However, this does not take away the affect your re-telling of this story had on me. It was easy to picture everything going on. The dialogue, though awkward at times, reflected life as it really happens. Your insight to explain life and death, inspired. Your hope for the boy's future ... in his choices as well as in God's hands. Loren
Comment Written 09-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2015
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Thank you, Loren (7), for your generous review. Several reviewers have also remarked how easy it was to picture everything going on. The story is twenty-three years old and is probably based upon I diary account I wrote immediately after the incident, although I have not checked my diary next. If this story is every published, people are going to ask, "What ever became of David Reyes?" Thank you for your review.