The Ghost Pumpkin Fire Brigade
Beware of the ghost of Jack-O'-Lantern!43 total reviews
Comment from LanceHill
It was a pleasure reading this chapter. You take the reader along the "fire brigade night" and lead up to anticipation. What a pleasant twist at the end when he finds his badge. Good luck in the contest. God bless.
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2015
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It was a pleasure reading this chapter. You take the reader along the "fire brigade night" and lead up to anticipation. What a pleasant twist at the end when he finds his badge. Good luck in the contest. God bless.
Comment Written 29-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2015
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Thank you, LanceHill, for your review and contest well wishes. I wrote and published this story twenty-nine years ago in a firefighters magazine and I am charmed to share the story with you today. Thanks.
Comment from lancellot
Very nice. I think that children would enjoy this tale. Are you sure you want it to take place after midnight and Halloween ended? Also, nice message and reminder in the notes.
Well done.
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2015
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Very nice. I think that children would enjoy this tale. Are you sure you want it to take place after midnight and Halloween ended? Also, nice message and reminder in the notes.
Well done.
Comment Written 28-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2015
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Thank you, lancellot, for your review and excellent question. I added a line which improved the story. Here is the revised opening:
"The last candy had been passed out, the last trick-or-treater had turned in his hood and fangs, the town clock tower had struck midnight. Halloween ended. Dia de los Muertos--the Day of the Dead--began."
November 1 is the day Mexicans remember family and friends who have died. It is also the day Catholics celebrate All Saints' Day to honor all saints. By mentioning Dia de los Muertos, it adds foreboding at the beginning of my story about Captain Saint George and the Ghost Pumpkin Fire Brigade hunting down the roaming, evil spirit of Stingy Jack, aka, Jack-O'-Lantern. One of the messages of my story is that just when you think Halloween is over, the real fun begins. Thank you for helping me tweak my story.
Comment from Nosha17
It is a ghost story with a great message for kids. Helping others can save lives, have courage. Well written story, a great adventure for kids and especially on Halloween. Good descriptions, characters and a fun read. Good luck in the contest. faye
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2015
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It is a ghost story with a great message for kids. Helping others can save lives, have courage. Well written story, a great adventure for kids and especially on Halloween. Good descriptions, characters and a fun read. Good luck in the contest. faye
Comment Written 28-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2015
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Thank you, Nosha17, for your review of this "well written story, a great adventure for kids and especially on Halloween." Thank you also for the contest well wishes.
Comment from ellie6
A charming children's story, just creepy enough to scare them but with a happy ending. Jack-o'-lantern is a well known Irish folk tale.
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2015
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A charming children's story, just creepy enough to scare them but with a happy ending. Jack-o'-lantern is a well known Irish folk tale.
Comment Written 28-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2015
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Thank you, ellie6, for your fine review. I have known of this Irish folktale for twenty-nine years now and I am glad to incorporate it into my story. Eric1 wrote a poem about the Jack-o'Lantern. Thanks.
Comment from Shanaya3
Wow...simply amazing...I really loved this story! It's packed with action, emotion, fear, heroes and ghost. I'm ashamed to say that now, my story doesn't even begin to be as amazing as yours..thank you for sharing...
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2015
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Wow...simply amazing...I really loved this story! It's packed with action, emotion, fear, heroes and ghost. I'm ashamed to say that now, my story doesn't even begin to be as amazing as yours..thank you for sharing...
Comment Written 28-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2015
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Thank you, Shanaya3, for your kind words for my "simply amazing" story. I wrote and published it twenty-nine years ago in a firefighters magazine. I made some tweaks to it and brought it back to share with you on FanStory before I submit it for publication a second time. Thanks for your review.
Comment from trumby
I think that it's a fantastic modern fairy-tale. Every good story needs a hero and a villain. The boy getting dragged out of bed to help the hero is reminiscent of "Where the monsters are."
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2015
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I think that it's a fantastic modern fairy-tale. Every good story needs a hero and a villain. The boy getting dragged out of bed to help the hero is reminiscent of "Where the monsters are."
Comment Written 28-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2015
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Oh, thank you, trumby, for your kind review and words for my "fantastic modern fairy-tale." I am glad it made you reminisce about other stories in this genre. Thanks again for stopping by to review.
Comment from jpduck
I thought this was a delightful children's story, with some wonderfully quirky qualities.
Two suggestions. (* * indicates suggested insertions):
'Soon, the fire *?was* extinguished'
'Captain Saint George instructed his men to carve faces into their pumpkin pails and put flares in them. The one thing Jack-O'-Lantern hates is another jack-o'-lantern.' I feel these two sentences' (I feel these two sentences sit rather uncomfortably where you have placed them. I think they would work better in a paragraph of their own located after 'That is why there's a Ghost Pumpkin Fire Brigade.'
Adrian
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2015
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I thought this was a delightful children's story, with some wonderfully quirky qualities.
Two suggestions. (* * indicates suggested insertions):
'Soon, the fire *?was* extinguished'
'Captain Saint George instructed his men to carve faces into their pumpkin pails and put flares in them. The one thing Jack-O'-Lantern hates is another jack-o'-lantern.' I feel these two sentences' (I feel these two sentences sit rather uncomfortably where you have placed them. I think they would work better in a paragraph of their own located after 'That is why there's a Ghost Pumpkin Fire Brigade.'
Adrian
Comment Written 28-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2015
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Thank you, Adrian, for your kind review and suggestions for my "delightful children's story , with some wonderfully quirky qualities." I copied and printed out your suggestions to see how I can incorporate them. Once again, thanks.
Comment from CD Richards
I like this story. The concept of the ghost firefighters is a nice one. The idea of the dream proving real because of the badge is a nice touch. I'd never heard of the story of Stingy Jack before, and now I have read two stories influenced by it here only days apart (that's not a criticism, the stories are quite different).
The writing itself is very good, and I didn't detect any spelling or grammar issues. A nice kid's Halloween story, well done.
Craig.
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2015
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I like this story. The concept of the ghost firefighters is a nice one. The idea of the dream proving real because of the badge is a nice touch. I'd never heard of the story of Stingy Jack before, and now I have read two stories influenced by it here only days apart (that's not a criticism, the stories are quite different).
The writing itself is very good, and I didn't detect any spelling or grammar issues. A nice kid's Halloween story, well done.
Craig.
Comment Written 28-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2015
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Thank you, Craig, for your kind review and words for my "nice kid's Halloween story." Yes, I read Eric1's "Jack-O'-Lantern" poem which inspired me to post my story I wrote and published twenty-nine years ago in a firefighters magazine. I am glad you liked my story. Thanks.
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
... turnip carved with his likeness(:)
I love your story, and children everywhere will love it, too. I had not heard of Stingy Jack before, so it is more interesting for me than it otherwise would have been. Very best wishes for the competition.
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2015
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... turnip carved with his likeness(:)
I love your story, and children everywhere will love it, too. I had not heard of Stingy Jack before, so it is more interesting for me than it otherwise would have been. Very best wishes for the competition.
Comment Written 27-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2015
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Oh, Giddy Nielsen-Sweep, please read and review Eric1's poem while it is still posted in the top ten. He talks in detail about Stingy Jack. I first published my story twenty-nine years ago in a firefighters magazine. I am glad to share it with people today. I am going submit this story to a children's publication. Thanks for your review and contest well wishes.
Comment from Writingfundimension
'Jack's spirit wandered the earth, carrying inside a turnip carved with his likeness a coal from Hell's furnace.' I have never come across this legend before. I like how you use this and other elements to create this excellent children's story. The ending is super!
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2015
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'Jack's spirit wandered the earth, carrying inside a turnip carved with his likeness a coal from Hell's furnace.' I have never come across this legend before. I like how you use this and other elements to create this excellent children's story. The ending is super!
Comment Written 27-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2015
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Thank you, Writingfundimension, for your review. Poet Eric1 currently has a poem titled "Jack O Lantern" that talks at length about the legend my story referenced. I am amazed at the elements I used to create this story I published twenty-nine years ago in a firefighters magazine. It was my first published story. Thanks again for your review.
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You're very welcome! :)