Christine's Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 58 "The Burning Torch "Poems /stories on Fanstory
28 total reviews
Comment from Pantygynt
You have jumped the gun but can be forgiven for that I think being in Australia. I did think we were limited to seven pumps to try and keep the stuff together but never mind I'll get more $ with it where it is.
Glad you liked the picture, I'm a sucker for the sea and ships so I liked your fine narrative poem, sad though really. A couple of points: lightening means getting lighter you mean lightning (twice).
The other is more complex. You have,
"With expert hand upon the deck, too panic would be rare."
As it stands this doesn't make sense. You could have either,
"With expert hand upon the deck too, panic would be rare." In this I have only moved your comma and "too" means "also". Or,
"With expert hand upon the deck, to panic would be rare." I have left the comma where it is an knocked an "o" off the too to make it infinitive.
I think I prefer the first of my alternatives but it's your poem.
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2015
  |
You have jumped the gun but can be forgiven for that I think being in Australia. I did think we were limited to seven pumps to try and keep the stuff together but never mind I'll get more $ with it where it is.
Glad you liked the picture, I'm a sucker for the sea and ships so I liked your fine narrative poem, sad though really. A couple of points: lightening means getting lighter you mean lightning (twice).
The other is more complex. You have,
"With expert hand upon the deck, too panic would be rare."
As it stands this doesn't make sense. You could have either,
"With expert hand upon the deck too, panic would be rare." In this I have only moved your comma and "too" means "also". Or,
"With expert hand upon the deck, to panic would be rare." I have left the comma where it is an knocked an "o" off the too to make it infinitive.
I think I prefer the first of my alternatives but it's your poem.
Comment Written 26-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2015
-
Hi Pantygynt. Thanks so much for your great critique of my challenge for your lovely image . it brought out the sad story of two lost souls so thanks for that.
I also must apologise for jumping the gun and for to many pumps I may have mis counted so I won't let this happen again.
i waited also for Monday 26th to arrive before posting this and in Australia it was that yesterday it is now the 27th Nov here so I have to try and get around the time difference for next time.
Also thanks for picking up my mistakes I hope I have it right now. appreciate your time to feedback these.
I really did enjoy writing this and can't wait to read everyone elses posts for this challenge
Onnce again a big thanks for everything and I will be more mindful next challenge not to overstep requirements. Cheers Christine😃
-
Such abject apologies! You most certainly forgiven. The time differences can be very confusing. I checked just now and your responses to my suggestions have got rid of all the glitches.
-
so glad I have made it better and thanks again for your help and support .And what great poems have been born due to your image choice. I am behind in my reading and review so I look forward to reading them all. Cheers Christine
Comment from MacMhuirich
This is a beautiful poem and a very poignant tale told in wonderful rhyme. The imagery is powerful and this was a delight to read:
We thrashed about the raging sea, we watched the ship go down
Could this be really happening, I knew then I would drown.
My mind though strong, my body weak, t'was then I heard you shout
"Come back to me" but was to late, this angry sea won out.
Wonderful write from the picture supplied.
Bless you
John
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2015
|
This is a beautiful poem and a very poignant tale told in wonderful rhyme. The imagery is powerful and this was a delight to read:
We thrashed about the raging sea, we watched the ship go down
Could this be really happening, I knew then I would drown.
My mind though strong, my body weak, t'was then I heard you shout
"Come back to me" but was to late, this angry sea won out.
Wonderful write from the picture supplied.
Bless you
John
Comment Written 26-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2015
-
Thank you John for you really lovey review and rating for my poem I am so glad you thought it beautiful and I enjoyed writing this for this challenge. with much appreciation for your kindness Cheers Christine😝
Comment from LanceHill
Very beautiful poem. The love being sent from one that lost their life was expanding throughout. The flow and rhyme made it an easy read. Good luck in the contest. God bless.
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2015
|
Very beautiful poem. The love being sent from one that lost their life was expanding throughout. The flow and rhyme made it an easy read. Good luck in the contest. God bless.
Comment Written 25-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2015
-
Thank you very much Lance for your lovely comments for my Picture This Challenge I am glad you like this, but I dont think this is a contest it is a Picture this challenge that Jax Franklin has set up and there is a roster of poets who will post an image as a challenge to write about it so you will see the same image from different poets. I really appreciate you reading and reviewing my poem though With A big Chhers to you Christine😃
Comment from His Grayness
This heart and mind delivers six stars in intention and respect but only five alas is all this night, I only can collect! I really love this work as beautifully rhymed and perfectly paced with a striking-captivating photo to embrace the story. I cannot offer a single thought that would improve this work and I offer my best wishes to this fine author for success in the contest! Many thanks for a fine read! HIS GRAYNESS: Vance
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2015
|
This heart and mind delivers six stars in intention and respect but only five alas is all this night, I only can collect! I really love this work as beautifully rhymed and perfectly paced with a striking-captivating photo to embrace the story. I cannot offer a single thought that would improve this work and I offer my best wishes to this fine author for success in the contest! Many thanks for a fine read! HIS GRAYNESS: Vance
Comment Written 25-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2015
-
What a fabulous review for my work HIS GRAYNESS: Vance I truly thank you for you lovely encouraging words for this Picture Challenge. you words mean a lot to me. (A fine author wow so nice) I dont think this is a contest rather than a picture challenge set up by Jax Franklin and Sweetwoodjax as an opportunity to post an image for other poets to writeabout. There have been two other images with some beautiful poetry as a result. The same image is written about and makes for some very inventive poems. I did however enjoy writing this and so glad you thought it worthy . Keep a look out for the others . Cheers Christine 😃😃
-
Chrissy: so nice to meet you and make a new friend! I shall stay close and hope you will as well! Blessings! Vance
-
Like wise Vance nice to meet you to I am enjoying this FS site very much since joining in May this year and have enjoyed the wonderful support from many great poets I feel privileged to be among this group. so Hi from me her is Australia ( I think our time difference are quite different and still cant work out when the date is. lol Cheers and smiles Christine😀
-
Hi Chrissy; I'm an Aussie Citizen formerly living in NSW and Adelaide with a son now in Canberra @ UNI, and I support some Aussie clients here in the USA Technology markets. Love to chat more with you and eager to see more of your lovely works! Blessings Vance
-
How nice a fellow Aussie, and spunds like you have had an interesting career and Are supporting of many others will chat again ( must get off this site before my husband comes home he is convinced I am obsessed with FS, not far wrong lol but I have so enjoyed meeting everyone ) Christine😃
Comment from AnnieDawn
This is a beautiful poem and very well done. I enjoyed reading it. It tells a story and I believe that there is a contest for that so I hope that is the one you have entered this poem into. It is a winner. Good luck.
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2015
|
This is a beautiful poem and very well done. I enjoyed reading it. It tells a story and I believe that there is a contest for that so I hope that is the one you have entered this poem into. It is a winner. Good luck.
Comment Written 25-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2015
-
Oh thank you so much AnnieDawn for stopping by to read and review my poem for this Picture This Challenge . The image was supplied by pantygynt and the idea is for everyone in the challenge to use the same image and create a poem from this. I am very glad you read mine and gove me a great rating ,sending you a lovely Cheers from me Christine😃
Comment from royowen
Not easy to do these and keep the meter as well, the ode or could even count as a sea shanty, Yo HoHo., but well done great descriptive imagery, a smooth flowing theme, aabb rhyming. Very skilfully achieved, the theme was great, very interesting storyline, articulate and eloquent, well done, blessings, Roy
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2015
|
Not easy to do these and keep the meter as well, the ode or could even count as a sea shanty, Yo HoHo., but well done great descriptive imagery, a smooth flowing theme, aabb rhyming. Very skilfully achieved, the theme was great, very interesting storyline, articulate and eloquent, well done, blessings, Roy
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 25-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2015
-
Thanks so much for you lovely review and rating. I found this a great challenge and tried to keep the meter and syllbales and rhyme in check so glad you thought it skillfull , articulate and eloquent. much appreciated Cheers Christine😃
-
Most welcome Christine
Comment from mvbrooks
In New England (USA), there's many examples of "widow's walks" and each has its own sad tale of the ships that didn't return. This poem offers the other side of that story, being narrated by the one who didn't return alive--but returns each night in spirit.
The rhyme and description are well-chosen and strengthen the poem. The narrator's voice is consistent, believe-able, and empathetic.
This tale is well told--good luck with your contest.
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2015
 |
In New England (USA), there's many examples of "widow's walks" and each has its own sad tale of the ships that didn't return. This poem offers the other side of that story, being narrated by the one who didn't return alive--but returns each night in spirit.
The rhyme and description are well-chosen and strengthen the poem. The narrator's voice is consistent, believe-able, and empathetic.
This tale is well told--good luck with your contest.
Comment Written 25-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2015
-
Hi mybrooks Wow thank you so much for you beautiful review and 6 stars I am so glad it read well, I couldn't get this out of my head when I saw the image and so was so pleased to share. with many grateful thanks Cheers Christine 😃😃 And yes I suppose this is what it is like for many a fishing widow .
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi, Christine
_ Wow! This is great.
_ You've created a wonderful love story inspired by this picture.
_ It's crazy with the time thing, but you've done well.
_ By morning, we'll be swamping the site. (*<*)
_ Well done---looking forward to the rest of them.
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'... Jax (*:*)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2015
|
Hi, Christine
_ Wow! This is great.
_ You've created a wonderful love story inspired by this picture.
_ It's crazy with the time thing, but you've done well.
_ By morning, we'll be swamping the site. (*<*)
_ Well done---looking forward to the rest of them.
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'... Jax (*:*)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 25-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2015
-
Thanks Jax I hope I was on the right time not sure what the difference is it is 1156 on Monday morning here at the moment. what fun next poem in my mind Cheers ++++Christine😃
-
- It's hard to get it all together.
- I'll look it up on the internet what time you would have at our posting time.
_ But since you're a day ahead, I think your morning is our night. so it's crazy.
- Don't worry about it. (*<*) As long as we all are grouped in the general area, is good.