Free Verse Collection 2
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "To Cherish Thorns"selections for seal submission
58 total reviews
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
Wow...wow...what else can I say? This poem is such a marvelous journey that it blows my mind. I hardly know where to begin comments!
Okay, let's start with the format. It's attractive, it's moving, it's like a party in poetry form.
The meaning...so deep and honest...
The movement of words: spectacular.
Oh, and I loved the red on black.
Great job,
Rhonda
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Wow...wow...what else can I say? This poem is such a marvelous journey that it blows my mind. I hardly know where to begin comments!
Okay, let's start with the format. It's attractive, it's moving, it's like a party in poetry form.
The meaning...so deep and honest...
The movement of words: spectacular.
Oh, and I loved the red on black.
Great job,
Rhonda
Comment Written 18-Oct-2015
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
Oh my goodness, where do I start.
I see so many different styles in this one piece.
Nicely done and I am so pleased you used colors that I could see.
time to go home
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Oh my goodness, where do I start.
I see so many different styles in this one piece.
Nicely done and I am so pleased you used colors that I could see.
time to go home
Comment Written 18-Oct-2015
Comment from artemis53
Beautiful. I just let it wash over me from concentric circles to yellow girls and that damned rosebush. Stream of consciousness as one leads to another, attention taken over to another venue. Lovely.
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Beautiful. I just let it wash over me from concentric circles to yellow girls and that damned rosebush. Stream of consciousness as one leads to another, attention taken over to another venue. Lovely.
Comment Written 18-Oct-2015
Comment from Pam (respa)
-This is quite an ambitious entry, but written very well.
-It has many intriguing forms, effective images, and messages, as well.
-I think you have captured the universe in one poem!
-One thing I noticed is when first seeing this poem, it was really red. I like this much better; it is easier on the eyes, and matches the beauty of the words.
-There is too much to point out, but the thing that struck me the most was the ending.
-You begin with the rose with its grandeur until you are left with the thorn.
-I was saddened by the line "I once had grandparents and parents too"
-Finally, you have pondered enough and now you must go home "where I once had a rosebush". I am assuming that this is one of the many metaphors you use in the poem and means you have thought about all of these things in life, and it is time to back to a place where that rosebush is still full and growing, like life can be, even after all that happens to us along its path.
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-This is quite an ambitious entry, but written very well.
-It has many intriguing forms, effective images, and messages, as well.
-I think you have captured the universe in one poem!
-One thing I noticed is when first seeing this poem, it was really red. I like this much better; it is easier on the eyes, and matches the beauty of the words.
-There is too much to point out, but the thing that struck me the most was the ending.
-You begin with the rose with its grandeur until you are left with the thorn.
-I was saddened by the line "I once had grandparents and parents too"
-Finally, you have pondered enough and now you must go home "where I once had a rosebush". I am assuming that this is one of the many metaphors you use in the poem and means you have thought about all of these things in life, and it is time to back to a place where that rosebush is still full and growing, like life can be, even after all that happens to us along its path.
Comment Written 18-Oct-2015
Comment from Eric1
Hi Mikey, this is a really good entry for this particular competition, you certainly have taken the prompt at it's word and gone for every style! You have successfully showed us your tremendous writing skills, I wish you the best of luck in the contest my friend.
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Hi Mikey, this is a really good entry for this particular competition, you certainly have taken the prompt at it's word and gone for every style! You have successfully showed us your tremendous writing skills, I wish you the best of luck in the contest my friend.
Comment Written 18-Oct-2015
Comment from Gloria ....
I like this a LOT, Mikey. To me it's a collage of thoughts and observations over a nighttime stroll by a river knit together into a pensive pondering over the course of a lifetime.
how heavy laden the river flows
burdened by sugar congealing
under the weight of disingenuous
offerings in tribute to reflections
Not certain I entirely understand this stanza, but I think it's a metaphor for life that has been made heavier by those false people who preach sugar and practice poison. Sadly next to aggression, deceit and manipulation is the worst feature of humanity. This opening definitely sets the tone.
even the sun, an uncaring furnace
appears to play along
leaving a trail of stars
foreshadowing the coming night
as it bids adieu
unintentionally dazzling eyes
on its endless journey
I suggest rearranging the furniture a bit here and putting the sun before the moon. Only because I have a linear mind. Of course I can see that would require a bit of tweaking, but nothing too serious. To me this stanza is referring to false glitter blinding us on our journey of life.
yes, the moon shimmers
and the glimmer is indeed
a dance reminding that chance
kicked a stone rippling
a perfect pattern of circles
carrying dreams to smiling shores
Excellent metaphor again of the consequences of any action causes a ripple effect, reverberating through the continuous cycle of existence. It adds very nice visuals and a sense of lightness to the montage.
The rosebush is of course a wonderful metaphor to illustrate the passage of years, the brilliancy of love, the red desire to live life to the fullest despite all the wounds until all that's left is the stem, the old body stripped of vigorous blossoms.
Best wishes to you in the contest, my friend.
Gloria
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I like this a LOT, Mikey. To me it's a collage of thoughts and observations over a nighttime stroll by a river knit together into a pensive pondering over the course of a lifetime.
how heavy laden the river flows
burdened by sugar congealing
under the weight of disingenuous
offerings in tribute to reflections
Not certain I entirely understand this stanza, but I think it's a metaphor for life that has been made heavier by those false people who preach sugar and practice poison. Sadly next to aggression, deceit and manipulation is the worst feature of humanity. This opening definitely sets the tone.
even the sun, an uncaring furnace
appears to play along
leaving a trail of stars
foreshadowing the coming night
as it bids adieu
unintentionally dazzling eyes
on its endless journey
I suggest rearranging the furniture a bit here and putting the sun before the moon. Only because I have a linear mind. Of course I can see that would require a bit of tweaking, but nothing too serious. To me this stanza is referring to false glitter blinding us on our journey of life.
yes, the moon shimmers
and the glimmer is indeed
a dance reminding that chance
kicked a stone rippling
a perfect pattern of circles
carrying dreams to smiling shores
Excellent metaphor again of the consequences of any action causes a ripple effect, reverberating through the continuous cycle of existence. It adds very nice visuals and a sense of lightness to the montage.
The rosebush is of course a wonderful metaphor to illustrate the passage of years, the brilliancy of love, the red desire to live life to the fullest despite all the wounds until all that's left is the stem, the old body stripped of vigorous blossoms.
Best wishes to you in the contest, my friend.
Gloria
Comment Written 18-Oct-2015
Comment from sgalletti
What a wonderful free verse poem Mikey! More than anything, you show a mastery of a large range of poetic techniques in this piece. You've got some intriguing hints at certain poetry forms, such as the haibun and whatever your upside triangle is called, but they in no way distract from the meanderings of your delightful metaphor and imagery. Great consonance throughout. You made me ponder, and I love that when I read a poem. Thanks for this great prompt, and for continuing to raise the bar on this site. Best of luck in the contest. Sue
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What a wonderful free verse poem Mikey! More than anything, you show a mastery of a large range of poetic techniques in this piece. You've got some intriguing hints at certain poetry forms, such as the haibun and whatever your upside triangle is called, but they in no way distract from the meanderings of your delightful metaphor and imagery. Great consonance throughout. You made me ponder, and I love that when I read a poem. Thanks for this great prompt, and for continuing to raise the bar on this site. Best of luck in the contest. Sue
Comment Written 18-Oct-2015
Comment from P1
i love open style poetry and verse no ties or restrictions
you certainly flew with this one. the words you chose were beautiful and the imagery had me holding my breath good luck in the contest this really should do well
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i love open style poetry and verse no ties or restrictions
you certainly flew with this one. the words you chose were beautiful and the imagery had me holding my breath good luck in the contest this really should do well
Comment Written 18-Oct-2015
Comment from robyn corum
Well, I started out your poem thinking I had a brain...but I've suddenly lost it somewhere. *grin*
To be perfectly frank, I didn't get half of what you wrote -- but the parts about the different stars and their constellations was well worth the five I'm bestowing. The rest I'll have to save to decipher on another day! hahahaha
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Well, I started out your poem thinking I had a brain...but I've suddenly lost it somewhere. *grin*
To be perfectly frank, I didn't get half of what you wrote -- but the parts about the different stars and their constellations was well worth the five I'm bestowing. The rest I'll have to save to decipher on another day! hahahaha
Comment Written 18-Oct-2015
Comment from Rubylou
After reading over a couple of times the words wonderful, terrific, fantastic just don't seem fitting to describe this work, they fall flat.
There is so much presences ( spiritual, maybe???) and feeling in the words I can close my eyes and 'be there' experiencing the celestial display.
From the reflections, moon, sun and constellations the back to the garden and the rosebush- such an incredible journey.
Rubylou
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After reading over a couple of times the words wonderful, terrific, fantastic just don't seem fitting to describe this work, they fall flat.
There is so much presences ( spiritual, maybe???) and feeling in the words I can close my eyes and 'be there' experiencing the celestial display.
From the reflections, moon, sun and constellations the back to the garden and the rosebush- such an incredible journey.
Rubylou
Comment Written 18-Oct-2015