2015 Haiku
Viewing comments for Chapter 48 "haiku ( radiant sun )"A collection of haiku I wrote in 2015
32 total reviews
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
This is a great entry. The color scheme is perfect--I can 'feel' the sun. Good job on the syllable count. Good job with the format. I see no changes. Best wishes in the contest.
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2015
  |
This is a great entry. The color scheme is perfect--I can 'feel' the sun. Good job on the syllable count. Good job with the format. I see no changes. Best wishes in the contest.
Comment Written 05-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2015
-
Thank you Janny, I appreciate the review :)
Comment from poetadeu
This is so striking in every way. The
words in one swift swoosh present the
scene. Near perfect. I think I count
four sylls in last line. Check for me.
Love this one...
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2015
|
This is so striking in every way. The
words in one swift swoosh present the
scene. Near perfect. I think I count
four sylls in last line. Check for me.
Love this one...
Comment Written 05-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2015
-
Thank you Poetadeu, I appreciate the review :) Yes, there are 4 syllables. For haiku is ok to have less than 17 syllables as long as it is short/long/short format.
-
No kidding? I never knew that.
It is so lovely that I hardly noticed.
Glad you did not have to add one.
Thank you for this info, LOL::}}Joyce
-
No kidding? I never knew that.
It is so lovely that I hardly noticed.
Glad you did not have to add one.
Thank you for this info, LOL::}}Joyce
Comment from Gert sherwood
Smiles Gypsy
Your last line to me sounds like the sun was so hot it could fry an egg.
A very visible haiku
Best to you in this contest.
Gert
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2015
|
Smiles Gypsy
Your last line to me sounds like the sun was so hot it could fry an egg.
A very visible haiku
Best to you in this contest.
Gert
Comment Written 05-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2015
-
Thank you Gert, I appreciate the review :)
-
You are welcome Gypsy
Gert
Comment from pbroussard209
This makes me homesick. I love the mountains, it is where I find my peace, I grew up surrounded by them and watching the sun set behind a mountain peak was one of my favorite things to do. great poem, good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2015
|
This makes me homesick. I love the mountains, it is where I find my peace, I grew up surrounded by them and watching the sun set behind a mountain peak was one of my favorite things to do. great poem, good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 05-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2015
-
Thank you pbroussard, I appreciate the review :)
Comment from Dawn Munro
This is not only a highly imagistic haiku, the colours the author has chosen for text and background seem to make the heat of the sun radiate from the poem itself! Well done all round, but I especially enjoyed the satori - I'm still grinning.
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2015
|
This is not only a highly imagistic haiku, the colours the author has chosen for text and background seem to make the heat of the sun radiate from the poem itself! Well done all round, but I especially enjoyed the satori - I'm still grinning.
Comment Written 05-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2015
-
Thank you Dawn, I appreciate the review :)
Comment from judiverse
It's good to see a contest once in a while that requires no artwork. People start competing to see who has the most eye-catching artwork, and that influences voters. Great last line in this, sunny side up. That gives a great visual effect, and shows that words can get the message across. It gives a cheerful picture, just as sunny days cheer us up. Syllable count fits the rules. Best of luck in the contest. judi
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2015
|
It's good to see a contest once in a while that requires no artwork. People start competing to see who has the most eye-catching artwork, and that influences voters. Great last line in this, sunny side up. That gives a great visual effect, and shows that words can get the message across. It gives a cheerful picture, just as sunny days cheer us up. Syllable count fits the rules. Best of luck in the contest. judi
Comment Written 04-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2015
-
Thank you Judi :) I appreciate your kind review.
-
You're welcome, and best of luck in the contest. judi
Comment from TAB_that's me
Great imagery in your nature haiku. I absolutely love the satori line in this - it is a great 'aha' I wish you well in the contest.
teresa
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2015
|
Great imagery in your nature haiku. I absolutely love the satori line in this - it is a great 'aha' I wish you well in the contest.
teresa
Comment Written 04-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2015
-
Thank you Teresa :)
Comment from pharp
Excellent job in the penning of this Haiku, the words chosen paints a very hot picture. Excellent choice of words, thanks for sharing and best wishes to you in the contest. Blessings.................Portia
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2015
|
Excellent job in the penning of this Haiku, the words chosen paints a very hot picture. Excellent choice of words, thanks for sharing and best wishes to you in the contest. Blessings.................Portia
Comment Written 04-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2015
-
Thank you Portia :)
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
This meets the contest requirements beautifully - and it is quite a lengthy list of do's and don't I might add so kudos for even attempting it. I thought the first two lines of imagery were certainly concrete and painted a vivid mental picture. The third line, or satori, was stunning and very clever. I wish you all the best in the contest and thank you very much for sharing it.
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2015
|
This meets the contest requirements beautifully - and it is quite a lengthy list of do's and don't I might add so kudos for even attempting it. I thought the first two lines of imagery were certainly concrete and painted a vivid mental picture. The third line, or satori, was stunning and very clever. I wish you all the best in the contest and thank you very much for sharing it.
Comment Written 04-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2015
-
Thank you Mystic Angel :) I appreciate your kind review.
-
Good luck... competition in that group is going to pretty intense.
Comment from lightink
I love the satori line! What a unique way to see a sunset! You connected the dots between breakfast and dinner :). I am wondering if making the first line more compact would make it even more condensed and impactful (for example: leaving out the word "hot", or using another one including both "hot and radiant", like "blazing sun" ) It's just an idea. It's quite captivating anyways. Good luck at the contest!
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2015
|
I love the satori line! What a unique way to see a sunset! You connected the dots between breakfast and dinner :). I am wondering if making the first line more compact would make it even more condensed and impactful (for example: leaving out the word "hot", or using another one including both "hot and radiant", like "blazing sun" ) It's just an idea. It's quite captivating anyways. Good luck at the contest!
Comment Written 04-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2015
-
thank you lightink :)