Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose

Excellent

Hello mystery writer
I really like your story. It's amazing how much you incorporated into the story. It's even better that is a real story. I'm so happy for you. I'm glad you found her. Good job!

 Comment Written 02-Aug-2015

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reply by the author on 03-Aug-2015

Thank you so much. Yes it was an amazing time.

Comment from Mystic Angel 7777

Excellent

This meets the contest requirements nicely with a correct word count and theme. This is really a moving story and I am sure the moment was something neither of you will ever forget. I wish you all the best in the voting and thank you very much for sharing it.

 Comment Written 02-Aug-2015

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reply by the author on 03-Aug-2015

Thank you so much for your encouraging review. I was an amazing and unforgettable time indeed, and a very happy one.

Comment from TAB_that's me

Excellent

That would be quite a surprise for your biological mother. Good story for the prompt - I wish you well in it.
~Teresa~

 Comment Written 02-Aug-2015

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reply by the author on 03-Aug-2015

Thank you very much.

Comment from barkingdog

Excellent

Oh, my goodness. I'm sure the 'real' mother was surprised. Whether it was pleasantly or not, we are left to imagine.
The eager hopefulness of the POV, makes us want this story to continue with a happy ending.

 Comment Written 02-Aug-2015

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reply by the author on 03-Aug-2015

Thank you so much.

Comment from pbroussard209

Excellent

Great story, with a surprise for both characters. Hwy 1 along the coast is a beautiful drive. Even growing up in California I have only been on a part of it once. But you can't find a more beautiful drive. good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 02-Aug-2015

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reply by the author on 03-Aug-2015

Thank you so much. Yes, the Hwy 1 is beautiful. I've been so fortunate to drive it a few times.

Comment from K. Lorraine

Good

I'm sorry, but I really didn't get the element of surprise in your story. Also, the the bird in the picture isn't a pelican, it is surprise! A flamingo. The other surprise is for me. A real nice and generous amount that will help fill my bank. Thanks so much. Best wishes in the contest.

 Comment Written 02-Aug-2015

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reply by the author on 03-Aug-2015

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Comment from rspoet

Excellent

This is a very good entry to the surprise contest
The surprise is very real, not made up or forced
There story is well written and, of course,
the reader wants to know what happened next
Gorgeous Pelican which suggests a positive next chapter
For 79 words, you have done quite well
Good luck in the contest

 Comment Written 02-Aug-2015

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reply by the author on 03-Aug-2015

Thank you so very much.

Comment from MsPetra

Excellent

This was well written. I hope that you will get to writing out the whole story. I would love to read it.
I liked that you didn't make it too heavy with thought and emotion. This was crisp and clean.
I will be looking forward to future offerings from you.

 Comment Written 02-Aug-2015

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reply by the author on 03-Aug-2015

Thank you so much. I am planning to write the story but it will probably take up a whole book.

Comment from mvbrooks

Good

This is a very challenging contest--you've met the criteria of telling the story in less than 80 words.

Some editing notes:

Watch verb tenses:
" Not that I could have known, it was in California that I would do this particular journey. "
--change "it was in California" to "it would be in California"
ALSO -- omit the comma after "known"

"I had found my real mother, which she didn't yet know and now I was to see her."
--omit the comma after "mother"

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 02-Aug-2015

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reply by the author on 03-Aug-2015

Thank you so much and I have made the corrections.

Comment from scd41

Excellent

I know how difficult it is to write a complete story in 80 words and that too it must have a surprise. You have done it very well. Your first meeting with your real mother was so surprising and moving. It realistically says in the last words that she just did not know what was happening. It's a good entry for the contest and good luck to you.

 Comment Written 02-Aug-2015

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reply by the author on 03-Aug-2015

Thank you very much. I am glad you liked it.