2015 Haiku
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "haiku (widow devours him)"A collection of haiku I wrote in 2015
52 total reviews
Comment from Ben Colder
Black widow? Absorbing the problem I suppose. Colorful contest piece. Message somewhat questionable. Good luck in the contest. Never know about things. Thanks for the buck.
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2015
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Black widow? Absorbing the problem I suppose. Colorful contest piece. Message somewhat questionable. Good luck in the contest. Never know about things. Thanks for the buck.
Comment Written 11-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2015
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Thank you very much for your excellent review. :)
Comment from Bill Schott
This spider-themed haiku, She Devours Him, with its thirteen syllables, does a nice job of metaphorically demonstrating the trap that seems obvious to all but the victim. Nice.
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2015
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This spider-themed haiku, She Devours Him, with its thirteen syllables, does a nice job of metaphorically demonstrating the trap that seems obvious to all but the victim. Nice.
Comment Written 11-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2015
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Thank you very much for your excellent review. :)
Comment from ann marie mazz
good morning
the theme and words are most vibrant
the voice and tone are true to form
nice work with the execution of format
the presentation is more than excellent
all is well within the entry
thank you for sharing your talent and artistry
best of luck with the contest
ann marie
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2015
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good morning
the theme and words are most vibrant
the voice and tone are true to form
nice work with the execution of format
the presentation is more than excellent
all is well within the entry
thank you for sharing your talent and artistry
best of luck with the contest
ann marie
Comment Written 11-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2015
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Thank you very much for your excellent review. :)
Comment from CMac2
Oh so true of spiders and of many of the female species. Oh how I wish I could be so strong. A great little Haiku. Well done
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2015
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Oh so true of spiders and of many of the female species. Oh how I wish I could be so strong. A great little Haiku. Well done
Comment Written 11-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2015
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Thank you very much for your excellent review. :)
Comment from misscookie
Like the words that you post.
They are so sad but true. This has been going on for century with human ladies too. LOL
Thank you for sharing.
Cookie
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2015
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Like the words that you post.
They are so sad but true. This has been going on for century with human ladies too. LOL
Thank you for sharing.
Cookie
Comment Written 11-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2015
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Thank you very much for your excellent review. :)
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You're very welcome. until next time.
Cookie
Comment from Eric1
Hi Mystery author, this is an excellent entry for this particular competition, Those words are brilliant and the fist I have reviewed under this guise, most have actually been about spiders! I wish you the best of luck in the contest my friend.
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2015
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Hi Mystery author, this is an excellent entry for this particular competition, Those words are brilliant and the fist I have reviewed under this guise, most have actually been about spiders! I wish you the best of luck in the contest my friend.
Comment Written 11-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2015
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Thank you very much for your excellent review. :)
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You are most welcome my friend.
Comment from honeytree
The art work is great for these words
So much has been said within these words
Spiders seem to know the best way to bite someone
Honey tree
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2015
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The art work is great for these words
So much has been said within these words
Spiders seem to know the best way to bite someone
Honey tree
Comment Written 11-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2015
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Thank you very much for your excellent review. :) black widows eat the male spider after they mate to feed their babies.
Comment from mfowler
Ooh, this has a dark, sinister feel about it. From colour scheme, to your descriptive words and on to the theme, you serve up death in a chilling little package in this haiku.
she devours him on
the wet web of deception...just lovely. The 'devour' sounds so much nastier than 'ate' and the alliterative and almost Shakespearean 'wet, web of deception' suggests it's a plot from some evil vamp with sexual mischief in mind, not some poor arachnid doin' its thang.
'dressed to kill', indeed. This is a perfect appropriation of the old cliché (and film title) to describe what the evil seductress has worn in preparation for the feast.
A delightful blend of imagery and skilful writing.
Best of luck with this.
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2015
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Ooh, this has a dark, sinister feel about it. From colour scheme, to your descriptive words and on to the theme, you serve up death in a chilling little package in this haiku.
she devours him on
the wet web of deception...just lovely. The 'devour' sounds so much nastier than 'ate' and the alliterative and almost Shakespearean 'wet, web of deception' suggests it's a plot from some evil vamp with sexual mischief in mind, not some poor arachnid doin' its thang.
'dressed to kill', indeed. This is a perfect appropriation of the old cliché (and film title) to describe what the evil seductress has worn in preparation for the feast.
A delightful blend of imagery and skilful writing.
Best of luck with this.
Comment Written 11-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2015
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Thank you! What an awesome review. :)
Comment from fayesh
This fulfills the prerequisites for the contest. However, the last line is weak, in my opinion. The metaphor "dressed to kill" is a stretch. How about "helpless prey?"
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2015
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This fulfills the prerequisites for the contest. However, the last line is weak, in my opinion. The metaphor "dressed to kill" is a stretch. How about "helpless prey?"
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 11-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2015
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thanks
Comment from rjuselius
this is a brilliant haiku dear anonymous! i'm not sure about the imagery though since you seem to speak more metaphorically than in concrete imagery. but i do think the satori is great.
thank you for sharing!
blessings!
rebekka x
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2015
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this is a brilliant haiku dear anonymous! i'm not sure about the imagery though since you seem to speak more metaphorically than in concrete imagery. but i do think the satori is great.
thank you for sharing!
blessings!
rebekka x
Comment Written 11-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2015
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Thank you very much. :)