Act of Endurance
Viewing comments for Chapter 31 "A Song"Dawn of Chaos
28 total reviews
Comment from cbat
This writing I do not know quite what to do with.
So complicated, big beautiful words.
Much truth and inside a ringing of emotion.
yet making my head spin.
Great!
reply by the author on 13-May-2015
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This writing I do not know quite what to do with.
So complicated, big beautiful words.
Much truth and inside a ringing of emotion.
yet making my head spin.
Great!
Comment Written 13-May-2015
reply by the author on 13-May-2015
Thanking you for a generous rate with breathe taking response and final view of Great. Glad you found such matters to draw from the fact of this work
Comment from GregoryCody
Wings of joy stretched to shadow over me
Great line, nice alliteration
Make me hold my waist tight: laugh aloud
Have you thought of using a little enjambment like
Make me hold my waist tight--laugh aloud
All in all some fine poetry. Great assonance and a chopper style flow. I liked it a lot. Please explain the close here though. Sheltering knowledge of harmony. Nice semi assonance in knowledge and harmony
reply by the author on 13-May-2015
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Wings of joy stretched to shadow over me
Great line, nice alliteration
Make me hold my waist tight: laugh aloud
Have you thought of using a little enjambment like
Make me hold my waist tight--laugh aloud
All in all some fine poetry. Great assonance and a chopper style flow. I liked it a lot. Please explain the close here though. Sheltering knowledge of harmony. Nice semi assonance in knowledge and harmony
Comment Written 12-May-2015
reply by the author on 13-May-2015
Thanking you for generous rate, views and insights in comments
about the work and I do appreciate these thoughts of assurance. I
took your advice and revised poem hoping to rid it of this so called
chopper style with an addition phrase to enhance thoughts
conveyed in poem content lines. As for explain the close here
though. Sheltering knowledge of harmony. I thought peace in
silence because my work is created to inform me plus chopper style
hold special occurrences or events. I called them notes.
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Oh Awesome! Yeah you have some great raw talent. Use this site to hone it. It's an amazing place to do that! Try some different styles. Do a haiku or write in iambic pentameter. It'll help a lot.
Comment from robthemany
Never been bird watching before but I want to after reading that, thank you so much for sharing your passion for both birds and wordplay. Great job.
reply by the author on 13-May-2015
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Never been bird watching before but I want to after reading that, thank you so much for sharing your passion for both birds and wordplay. Great job.
Comment Written 12-May-2015
reply by the author on 13-May-2015
Thanking you for even an interest when I worked in the morning while I await ride would feed them the things they spoke amaze. The work lack many things in its line structure and isn't fully coherent but neither to come city which first brick is laid to someone watching worker
Comment from benoenose
Song of any kind is a sensational beauty for the senses and thus its a sensuous poetry. Read for all those who are broken heart. A hope lingers for the hopeless who while enjoying the song finds ecstasy.
reply by the author on 13-May-2015
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Song of any kind is a sensational beauty for the senses and thus its a sensuous poetry. Read for all those who are broken heart. A hope lingers for the hopeless who while enjoying the song finds ecstasy.
Comment Written 12-May-2015
reply by the author on 13-May-2015
Very profound comments about the theme song and all aspect
disclosed yielded to factual terms. The poem lack in many features
and aspects to be called exceptional unless this exception holds
aspect of poems hundred percentage fulfillment I want to move
closer to its mark.
Comment from Wabigoon
TPAC--
You seem to be invoking God's power here rather like a contestant on the stage at ancient Delphi. You stand on the stage and call: "Battle and conquer all my armed foes" You don't have to do it -- He or She does it for you, which, to my way of thinking is cowardly. It's what the nuns do up in their chapels, invoke divine power against their "enemies."
"Assist me with rules I have to obey" Exactly what kind of freedom is that? How about God telling you you have to kill your kid like he did Abraham -- would you do it? You trust so absolutely in this...force you will submit your entire being to it?
I understand this is a kind of "paen" but much of it is also incoherent as in this: "Pit filled to rim with despair having leaks." Where exactly is this despair leaking? What exactly are you doing about it? Praying it goes away along with your enemies?
Nothing as far as I can see.
Wabigoon
reply by the author on 13-May-2015
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TPAC--
You seem to be invoking God's power here rather like a contestant on the stage at ancient Delphi. You stand on the stage and call: "Battle and conquer all my armed foes" You don't have to do it -- He or She does it for you, which, to my way of thinking is cowardly. It's what the nuns do up in their chapels, invoke divine power against their "enemies."
"Assist me with rules I have to obey" Exactly what kind of freedom is that? How about God telling you you have to kill your kid like he did Abraham -- would you do it? You trust so absolutely in this...force you will submit your entire being to it?
I understand this is a kind of "paen" but much of it is also incoherent as in this: "Pit filled to rim with despair having leaks." Where exactly is this despair leaking? What exactly are you doing about it? Praying it goes away along with your enemies?
Nothing as far as I can see.
Wabigoon
Comment Written 12-May-2015
reply by the author on 13-May-2015
Now here is a sword give me excellent rate but cut my throat with
my defeats I love it either it will make or break me and I will take both.
My notes as I called them are personal notation throughout the
years I jotted down some called them garbage other poems and this
is what I'm here to learn.
As invoking God power the Holy Text states otherwise like Him
giving man rule as god as Jesus statement we are gods illustrating to
me we should do as God.
Nuns are right and again the Holy Text states otherwise God telling
the righteous to push evil into the water. Not my book but did read
it twice and as proclaimed have found those who don't believe. I
have don't believes about science and a history of flawed assurance
like the Titanic from mouth to reality
You don't have to do it -- He or She does it for you, which, to my
way of thinking is cowardly.
He or She being God and relying on Him to be labeled coward
illustrates you are not informed ask anyone perhaps someone you
even know who has endured tornadoes, hurricanes or earthquakes
you will wish someone whether God or dog to be company or
come to help you then not hours later all depends.
Incoherent absolute reality initial input of notes not poems were to
get free back and elements to elevate structuring nature I'm
incoherent and such but many but I see them the same so we are
even a million to one
God telling you have to kill your kid like he did Abraham --
would you do it?
Yeah and if I am righteous God would not have to ask especially if
the kid was twisted and corrupted in morals and well beings for
others.
Thanking you for generous rate insight of improvements to
enhance poem to be more coherent will do have done yet I lack--is
this a poet
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TPAC
You are infected by this Thing, this thing like in the movie, this "Holiness," the Word in this Book as opposed to book.
Instead of liberating the power form that Book, freeing it from the stranglehold of "God," you affirm it, allow it to infect you to near total incoherency as if that were some sort of Holy Possession, "speaking in tongues."
Yeah, I read the Book too and I did so with an Ebola suit on because the thing is contagious, rife with infection that can possess you.
You prefer I give you are three or a two because I think you are writing little magical spells invoking this..."god" power to kill or hurt your enemies, instead of "turning my cheek" and giving you a five but telling you what I think? I will give you a three or a two if you want. A two.
You are the one without gentleness. True power is gentle, it does not threaten, it does not terrify those it wants to impress, it does not come across as a rabid tornado of incoherence.
Yes, I have been in hard places and I had a beloved dog who lay his head in my lap as I was on my way to the hospital and I was comforted by him in a way that was deep and true and pure and without you.
You need to write some of that, thanks.
Wabigoon
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TPAC
You are infected by this Thing, this thing like in the movie, this "Holiness," the Word in this Book as opposed to book.
Instead of liberating the power form that Book, freeing it from the stranglehold of "God," you affirm it, allow it to infect you to near total incoherency as if that were some sort of Holy Possession, "speaking in tongues."
Yeah, I read the Book too and I did so with an Ebola suit on because the thing is contagious, rife with infection that can possess you.
You prefer I give you are three or a two because I think you are writing little magical spells invoking this..."god" power to kill or hurt your enemies, instead of "turning my cheek" and giving you a five but telling you what I think? I will give you a three or a two if you want. A two.
You are the one without gentleness. True power is gentle, it does not threaten, it does not terrify those it wants to impress, it does not come across as a rabid tornado of incoherence.
Yes, I have been in hard places and I had a beloved dog who lay his head in my lap as I was on my way to the hospital and I was comforted by him in a way that was deep and true and pure and without you.
You need to write some of that, thanks.
Wabigoon
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
You have a well written and powerful poem here. The poem, together, is wonderful but there are also such strong lines such as the line where you describe being in a blanket - snug. A powerful poem that was a joy to read.
reply by the author on 13-May-2015
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You have a well written and powerful poem here. The poem, together, is wonderful but there are also such strong lines such as the line where you describe being in a blanket - snug. A powerful poem that was a joy to read.
Comment Written 12-May-2015
reply by the author on 13-May-2015
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I appreciate those thoughts of enjoyment figuring after I retire I can
settle back and enjoy them, myself. Generous rate capturing for the
second time a blanket - snug by reviewer comments there might be
power there Thank you
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
nice job!
-action flows smoothly
-descriptive language used
-excellent format and picture
-excellent character development
-held my interest all the way to the end
Write on!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 12-May-2015
|
nice job!
-action flows smoothly
-descriptive language used
-excellent format and picture
-excellent character development
-held my interest all the way to the end
Write on!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 11-May-2015
reply by the author on 12-May-2015
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Still I feel somewhere I tripped or stumbled in the course of the work, as I always do Thank you for your over generous rate and comforting comments
Comment from Lesley Collier
A very inspiring poem of living life to the fullness of all it has to offer with a cheerful attitude and a song in your heart. Very comforting and descriptive words as we strive to be our best in all that we aim to achieve.
reply by the author on 10-May-2015
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A very inspiring poem of living life to the fullness of all it has to offer with a cheerful attitude and a song in your heart. Very comforting and descriptive words as we strive to be our best in all that we aim to achieve.
Comment Written 10-May-2015
reply by the author on 10-May-2015
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I'm super proud and with this madness, I'm going to apply this new learnt fact members taught me; probably bad move Too. Too generous with lovely insights I will cherish Thanking you for all