The White Chameleon
Short Story26 total reviews
Comment from nordicgirl
I love the light tone of this. You have a casual voice that makes the story all the more tsut and chilling. It gives the main character a detached and calculated air that is downright terrifying. I hope to see more of this!
  |
I love the light tone of this. You have a casual voice that makes the story all the more tsut and chilling. It gives the main character a detached and calculated air that is downright terrifying. I hope to see more of this!
Comment Written 28-Jan-2015
Comment from amahra
Well, it might be too daring and might gross some fans out, and if you have the stomach for it...it could be a crime story told from the killer's sick point of view. Your art work could be a shadow from the street lights on an ally wall.
I really liked the narration. And of course you're an excellent writer; it was no way not to enjoy it.
 |
Well, it might be too daring and might gross some fans out, and if you have the stomach for it...it could be a crime story told from the killer's sick point of view. Your art work could be a shadow from the street lights on an ally wall.
I really liked the narration. And of course you're an excellent writer; it was no way not to enjoy it.
Comment Written 28-Jan-2015
Comment from Dean Kuch
I should have done the same thing and not entered my take on the prompt in the contest, Mikey. So few read my entry, "Cat & Mouse", even though it was highly promoted that I began to wonder if I really have what it takes to connect with readers. Not a good feeling when one is about to have their first book of short stories published in a few short months. I hope it isn't a foreshadowing of things to come.
I can see where you're coming from as it pertains to writing a strong female character as a lead in a story. Hey, as long as there are no toilet scenes depicted where our bad-ass detective is required to squat, or "hover", instead of stand to piss, I would tend to agree with you. In other words, leave out the bodily functions altogether and it's a go, it'll be fine.
Loosey Goosey? Juicy Lucy? Thank God her name wasn't Mary, as in Bloody. She'd have been a goner for sure.
I liked this and I think you should continue with it. I'd like to get to know a little more about Antonio, see what makes him "tick". It has a gritty realism about it. Almost like film noir.
Good stuff, Mikey. :)
~Dean
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2015
|
I should have done the same thing and not entered my take on the prompt in the contest, Mikey. So few read my entry, "Cat & Mouse", even though it was highly promoted that I began to wonder if I really have what it takes to connect with readers. Not a good feeling when one is about to have their first book of short stories published in a few short months. I hope it isn't a foreshadowing of things to come.
I can see where you're coming from as it pertains to writing a strong female character as a lead in a story. Hey, as long as there are no toilet scenes depicted where our bad-ass detective is required to squat, or "hover", instead of stand to piss, I would tend to agree with you. In other words, leave out the bodily functions altogether and it's a go, it'll be fine.
Loosey Goosey? Juicy Lucy? Thank God her name wasn't Mary, as in Bloody. She'd have been a goner for sure.
I liked this and I think you should continue with it. I'd like to get to know a little more about Antonio, see what makes him "tick". It has a gritty realism about it. Almost like film noir.
Good stuff, Mikey. :)
~Dean
Comment Written 28-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2015
-
That's the problem with the prose contests, nobody reads the entries. I remember the great contest you came up with last year with the horror show hosts and B movies. There were some amazing entries and I think most of us promoted heavily too. Barely got ten reviews. I actually worked on it and edited it like a real writer too!! I'm pleased you liked this. In the book, he dons different personas and has his adventures, not really killer motivated though, more moral in nature. Hard to explain. In one chapter he's a priest who rats out another priest in Spanish who's a child molester. The priest is Irish and doesn't realize it. In another he pretends to be a terrorist on an airplane to see what an ordinary passenger will do when everything is left up to him and so on. Looking forward to your book. That is exciting. You certainly have the high quality material to fill it. Keep me posted. mikey
-
You're right, Mike, not many take the time required to read prose, and that's not just a problem here, but on other writing sites as well. I worked my ass off on that story too, and for all the feedback it received (or didn't, as the case were), I might as well have saved my time and kept writing poetry. A least with it I usually get some response.
If you post more chapters of the White Chameleon, I'll be sure to read them.
I'll let you know when my book goes "live" on Samhain Press too. You might even want to take a look at their publishing team. They are currently seeking submissions.
I'll catch you on the flip side, Mikey.
~Dean
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Interesting piece with a great premise, Mikey. I like the idea of the author writing women just as he writes men. And he finds material for his books in real people. Clever! Is this how YOU do it?
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2015
|
Interesting piece with a great premise, Mikey. I like the idea of the author writing women just as he writes men. And he finds material for his books in real people. Clever! Is this how YOU do it?
Comment Written 28-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2015
-
Naw, I'm too lazy. But, I do look pretty good in the dark. Hahaha! Stupid sun has to come up and ruin it every time!!! mikey
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Michael,
I liked the tone of this piece a lot. this would have done well in the competition. Although the tale of in itself dark it is told with a lightness of touch that works very well. I liked the idea that the victims in his novels were his own. Hiding in broad daylight, so to speak.
This works well as a small piece of fiction but could well be developed into a very enjoyable larger piece.
Gareth
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
|
Hi Michael,
I liked the tone of this piece a lot. this would have done well in the competition. Although the tale of in itself dark it is told with a lightness of touch that works very well. I liked the idea that the victims in his novels were his own. Hiding in broad daylight, so to speak.
This works well as a small piece of fiction but could well be developed into a very enjoyable larger piece.
Gareth
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-Jan-2015
Comment from CR Delport
This is as interesting story that is well written. I see, unlike Stephen King who's characters are often struggling writers, yours are often successful writers :) This is a story that has many possibilities and can go in a few different directions. Good job.
Have a great day.
Christelle.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
|
This is as interesting story that is well written. I see, unlike Stephen King who's characters are often struggling writers, yours are often successful writers :) This is a story that has many possibilities and can go in a few different directions. Good job.
Have a great day.
Christelle.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-Jan-2015