Comment from royowen

Excellent

I make this a qualifying entry in this Shakespearean sonnet contest! The narration is superb, has a period feel to it! The work has a nice even metered flow to it, there are not many that line up well in sonnet writing, some can be well written, but a little awkward in reading, but not so this one, well done, the rhyming is excellent also, good luck, a goer. Blessings, Roy.

 Comment Written 23-Nov-2014

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reply by the author on 26-Nov-2014

Roy, thanks for the kind words.

Steve

Comment from Domino 2

Excellent

This is a refreshingly different and interesting theme for a sonnet, to start, though the romantic 'rejected' theme comes to the fore at the end.

Your 8th line doesn't scan for meter and is also only 9 syllables, which is probably the reason for that:

'Sweet poesy designed to make you mine'

Excellent 'c' alliteration in 7th line.

Good effort, and I see it's leading in the booth - so maybe I'm missing the wow factor.

Best wishes, Ray

 Comment Written 23-Nov-2014

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reply by the author on 26-Nov-2014

Thanks, Ray.

I think you just pipped me eventually....

I don't see the problem in line 8 - poesy is three syllables...

Steve

reply by Domino 2 on 26-Nov-2014

If it's true, that makes a change, Steve, as it's usually ME who gets pipped on the post.

I'd be interested to hear how you pronounce, 'POE-sy' as THREE syllables.

Cheers, Ray

reply by the author on 26-Nov-2014

Same way I pronounce PO-E-TRY as three syllables - the medial E gets a syllable of its own and really it's just an earlier version of the same word.

Since half the field was sent from the room for having a syllable out of place, the committee must have been happy with it.

Steve

reply by Domino 2 on 26-Nov-2014

I also pronounce 'po-et-ry' as three syllables, but the 't' encourages me to do so.

I get your point on the 'enthusiasm' of the committee DQs on this occasion. :-)

Comment from Janet Foor

Excellent

Excellent artwork to enhance your well written Shakespearean sonnet.
Good rhyme and excellent use of alliteration throughout.

 Comment Written 23-Nov-2014

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reply by the author on 26-Nov-2014

Thank you.

Steve

Comment from Drew Delaney

Excellent

This is truly lovely.

A kind of trouble meeting the girl with all the help in the house. Away with them, you say. I want a heart to heart talk with who?

I really like this one. I hope you do well in the contest.

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 Comment Written 23-Nov-2014

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reply by the author on 26-Nov-2014

Thank you.

No luck in the contest, I'm afraid.

Steve

Comment from Nosha17

Excellent

What better way to win a fair maid's hand than a love poem, penned by a worthy suitor. I liked the use of humour and good use of rhyming to convey the message. Most enjoyable and good luck in the contest. Faye

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 Comment Written 23-Nov-2014

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reply by the author on 26-Nov-2014

Faye, thanks for the kind words.

Steve