Sonnets
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "Time's Pretense"A collection of sonnets
30 total reviews
Comment from adewpearl
solid use of rhyming in English sonnet format
good use of consistent iambic meter to establish cadence and good use of enjambment to keep thought flowing from line to line
I like the alliteration in clasp/claws and in standing still
dramatic characterization of time
good consonance in life to fear
effective turn in line 9
good alliteration and strong verbs in brag and boast
a powerful closing couplet in this reflection on the nature of time
Brooke
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solid use of rhyming in English sonnet format
good use of consistent iambic meter to establish cadence and good use of enjambment to keep thought flowing from line to line
I like the alliteration in clasp/claws and in standing still
dramatic characterization of time
good consonance in life to fear
effective turn in line 9
good alliteration and strong verbs in brag and boast
a powerful closing couplet in this reflection on the nature of time
Brooke
Comment Written 22-Oct-2014
Comment from pattipac
Mikey, enjoyed reading your poem of how one is moving away from a suffocating lover. Shows how time truly can help us heal from even the worst experiences love dishs out.
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Mikey, enjoyed reading your poem of how one is moving away from a suffocating lover. Shows how time truly can help us heal from even the worst experiences love dishs out.
Comment Written 22-Oct-2014
Comment from Sasha
When I saw this prompt I anticipated some excellent entries. This is brilliantly written and I love:
In truth, you have no power over me.
My journey travels boldly over you...
Terrific entry for this contest and I sincerely wish you all the best.
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When I saw this prompt I anticipated some excellent entries. This is brilliantly written and I love:
In truth, you have no power over me.
My journey travels boldly over you...
Terrific entry for this contest and I sincerely wish you all the best.
Comment Written 22-Oct-2014
Comment from nancy_e_davis
This poem contains a wonderful metaphor. We all have free choice as to how we spend our time. We can waste it or use it productively. I have never seen it stand still though. Good
sonnet, Good luck. Nancy
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This poem contains a wonderful metaphor. We all have free choice as to how we spend our time. We can waste it or use it productively. I have never seen it stand still though. Good
sonnet, Good luck. Nancy
Comment Written 22-Oct-2014
Comment from Domino 2
Excellent personification of time, Mikey.
Maybe a comma before and after, 'untender', in 1st line.
Excellent message in 12th line that the individual's soul(?) is more powerful than time.
Excellent iambs and rhymes throughout.
Good luck and best wishes, Ray.
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Excellent personification of time, Mikey.
Maybe a comma before and after, 'untender', in 1st line.
Excellent message in 12th line that the individual's soul(?) is more powerful than time.
Excellent iambs and rhymes throughout.
Good luck and best wishes, Ray.
Comment Written 22-Oct-2014
Comment from Nosha17
Yes, time is very precious and races away from us all the time. But, in some instances, one does have the advantage of time over another. Good use of metaphorical language and excellent rhyming to convey your thoughts. Enjoyable read and great pic, good luck in the contest. Faye
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Yes, time is very precious and races away from us all the time. But, in some instances, one does have the advantage of time over another. Good use of metaphorical language and excellent rhyming to convey your thoughts. Enjoyable read and great pic, good luck in the contest. Faye
Comment Written 22-Oct-2014
Comment from nelliesellie
I love the picture. I love the poem. We all fear running out of time. Will we have time to do everything we want or need to do? Maybe not, but when we are out of time, we will e the last to care. Time does not have a grip on us, we have a grip on it. We can use our time carefully or any way we want to. Great work.
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I love the picture. I love the poem. We all fear running out of time. Will we have time to do everything we want or need to do? Maybe not, but when we are out of time, we will e the last to care. Time does not have a grip on us, we have a grip on it. We can use our time carefully or any way we want to. Great work.
Comment Written 22-Oct-2014
Comment from TAB_that's me
Mikey, this is a well written time sonnet in very good pentameter. The last line of the first stanza throws me off though. The 'your' throws me off. Good luck in the contest.
teresa
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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Mikey, this is a well written time sonnet in very good pentameter. The last line of the first stanza throws me off though. The 'your' throws me off. Good luck in the contest.
teresa
Comment Written 22-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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Hi. Thanks for pointing that out. I agree, I realized when I read it that I was saying the line in "funny voice", forcing it to fit. I changed it and I think it reads better now. So pleased you liked it. If I win now I owe you an imaginary latte!! mikey
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I like your change;)
Comment from krys123
Mikey;
I enjoyed is very symbolic, hypothetical, emblematic and symbolic piece of writing that I found to be very metaphorical as aunt annotative commentary. This enjoyable read represents time that is not ambiguous but very relative within the space of relativity.
The rhyming being neither forced nor labored helped with the rhythmic flow and some of the rhymes being feminine, assonant, masculine, intermittent and ceasural.
Just to name a few of the types of rhymes.
The imagery was fantastically achieved by describing and expressing time's charade or pretense on mankind and mankind's power over time: "In truth you have no power over me. My journey travels boldly over you."
Thank you very much my friend for sharing and posting this for everyone to read and may the good Lord be with you always Mikey.
Alex
PS: good luck in the contest for this is a formidable entry.
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Mikey;
I enjoyed is very symbolic, hypothetical, emblematic and symbolic piece of writing that I found to be very metaphorical as aunt annotative commentary. This enjoyable read represents time that is not ambiguous but very relative within the space of relativity.
The rhyming being neither forced nor labored helped with the rhythmic flow and some of the rhymes being feminine, assonant, masculine, intermittent and ceasural.
Just to name a few of the types of rhymes.
The imagery was fantastically achieved by describing and expressing time's charade or pretense on mankind and mankind's power over time: "In truth you have no power over me. My journey travels boldly over you."
Thank you very much my friend for sharing and posting this for everyone to read and may the good Lord be with you always Mikey.
Alex
PS: good luck in the contest for this is a formidable entry.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 22-Oct-2014
Comment from Dean Kuch
Time stands Still for no man. There's much irony in your words as they pertain to this quote, Mikey. While it's true that we can waste our time, use our time wisely, mark time, and yes, even bide our time, the one thing we can't do with time is place it in a vault, then bring it out for use at a later time. When out time is up, that's all she wrote.
It's best to keep moving, and just let time stand stoic, at the ready. One day, it will eventually catch up with us...
A wonderfully written sonnet on time, Michael. Well done, and good luck in your contest.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
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Time stands Still for no man. There's much irony in your words as they pertain to this quote, Mikey. While it's true that we can waste our time, use our time wisely, mark time, and yes, even bide our time, the one thing we can't do with time is place it in a vault, then bring it out for use at a later time. When out time is up, that's all she wrote.
It's best to keep moving, and just let time stand stoic, at the ready. One day, it will eventually catch up with us...
A wonderfully written sonnet on time, Michael. Well done, and good luck in your contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 22-Oct-2014
