Moonlight and Roses
poem about love33 total reviews
Comment from Dawny53
Hello Teresa, just wanted to let you know I think your poem is very good, and a good entry as well. I couldn't help but feel that it may read more smoothly with some added punctuation.. taking good to excellent.
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2014
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Hello Teresa, just wanted to let you know I think your poem is very good, and a good entry as well. I couldn't help but feel that it may read more smoothly with some added punctuation.. taking good to excellent.
Comment Written 03-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2014
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thanks. hugs, teri
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi, Teri...
Nice dedication of love and commitment.
~~ FYI Only, so use or lose ~~
A couple of things popped into my mind.
1) The first stanza, in every line but the first one you end with an adverb.
2) You used -gently- in the first stanza and then repeated it in the third stanza. You might want to consider a like word since it isn't repetitious.
I wish you the best of luck in the contest.
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'.... Jax (*.*)
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2014
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Hi, Teri...
Nice dedication of love and commitment.
~~ FYI Only, so use or lose ~~
A couple of things popped into my mind.
1) The first stanza, in every line but the first one you end with an adverb.
2) You used -gently- in the first stanza and then repeated it in the third stanza. You might want to consider a like word since it isn't repetitious.
I wish you the best of luck in the contest.
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'.... Jax (*.*)
Comment Written 02-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2014
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Thank you for the tips. hugs, teri
Comment from G.B. Smith
OH TERI
I can imagine the feelings you invoke in a man and the erotic feelings you could harbor. This is just plain sexy and caused this reader to feel the intent of your poetic heart
Bear
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2014
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OH TERI
I can imagine the feelings you invoke in a man and the erotic feelings you could harbor. This is just plain sexy and caused this reader to feel the intent of your poetic heart
Bear
Comment Written 01-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2014
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thank you so much bear. hugs, teri
Comment from kiwijenny
Beautiful love poem....I love the repeat of knowing ...knowing....knowing..
Knowing he loves me so......loving him was the best thing I could ever do...
We'll done.and beautiful rose...in the moonlight
God bless
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2014
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Beautiful love poem....I love the repeat of knowing ...knowing....knowing..
Knowing he loves me so......loving him was the best thing I could ever do...
We'll done.and beautiful rose...in the moonlight
God bless
Comment Written 01-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2014
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Thank you my friend. hugs, teri
Comment from IndianaIrish
Hello, Teri. It's so nice to read a romantic poem from you. I adore the artwork you selected very much.
Since this is for a site contest, I do suggest you make a few changes to polish the poem and make it more "readable". Eight of your lines being with an -ing word, and four of those are 'knowing'. It's an easy fix by using I knew, we walked, and he made for example. Besides giving your poem a better format, it allows the reader to better see the imagery.
Also, your last line of verse three, why do you use " the 'bet' that he could do too? Bet doesn't make sense. Did you mean ' best' since you have too and you used best in your previous line?
I hope this helps and that you like the suggestions. Best wishes.
Smiles,
Karyn : )
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2014
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Hello, Teri. It's so nice to read a romantic poem from you. I adore the artwork you selected very much.
Since this is for a site contest, I do suggest you make a few changes to polish the poem and make it more "readable". Eight of your lines being with an -ing word, and four of those are 'knowing'. It's an easy fix by using I knew, we walked, and he made for example. Besides giving your poem a better format, it allows the reader to better see the imagery.
Also, your last line of verse three, why do you use " the 'bet' that he could do too? Bet doesn't make sense. Did you mean ' best' since you have too and you used best in your previous line?
I hope this helps and that you like the suggestions. Best wishes.
Smiles,
Karyn : )
Comment Written 01-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2014
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Thank you for the help. hugs, teri
Comment from Kim14
Such a sweet sound of loving and content with words. The feeling of completeness at your fingertips. The love and caring of two souls joined as one. Beautiful written. Great job:))
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2014
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Such a sweet sound of loving and content with words. The feeling of completeness at your fingertips. The love and caring of two souls joined as one. Beautiful written. Great job:))
Comment Written 01-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2014
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Thank you my friend. hugs,Teri
Comment from royowen
A beautiful poem about the object of you affection, I can't remember having read a poem of yours before Teri, however I'm glad I did, you have written this articulately, with great descriptive imagery, you're man is is indeed fortunate to have a lover like You, good aaaa abab aabb for last two, rhyming, well done, good luck in the comp. Blessings, Roy.
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2014
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A beautiful poem about the object of you affection, I can't remember having read a poem of yours before Teri, however I'm glad I did, you have written this articulately, with great descriptive imagery, you're man is is indeed fortunate to have a lover like You, good aaaa abab aabb for last two, rhyming, well done, good luck in the comp. Blessings, Roy.
Comment Written 01-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2014
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Thank you Roy. God bless. hugs, Teri
Comment from kiwisteveh
Teri, you paint quite a clear word-picture of the romantic walk on the beach, yet to me it reads very awkwardly - hence the four stars.
There is one particular structure which you use repeatedly which contributes to this awkwardness. I am talking about the use of the present participle verb+ing as an adjective at the start of a phrase. You use 'knowing' three times - itself perhaps a weakness - and also 'gazing' and perhaps one or two others.
This construction is OK when the meaning is clear. For it to be clear, the reader has to know immediately and precisely whom the word refers to. That means it should have an 'antecedent' - another reference to that person just before, or possibly just after.
Let's look at a couple of your examples:
Gazing - clearly this is describing you, yet the nearest antecedent is 'he' = confusion.
Knowing (stanza 3) - same comment
The solution is to re-word the phrase with a stronger, more direct form. Why not 'I gazed' instead of 'gazing' and 'I knew' instead of 'Knowing' Not only does this create more variety, but the active verb is more powerful.
Sorry for all the English-teacher stuff, but that's what I am! :O)
Cheers.
Steve
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2014
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Teri, you paint quite a clear word-picture of the romantic walk on the beach, yet to me it reads very awkwardly - hence the four stars.
There is one particular structure which you use repeatedly which contributes to this awkwardness. I am talking about the use of the present participle verb+ing as an adjective at the start of a phrase. You use 'knowing' three times - itself perhaps a weakness - and also 'gazing' and perhaps one or two others.
This construction is OK when the meaning is clear. For it to be clear, the reader has to know immediately and precisely whom the word refers to. That means it should have an 'antecedent' - another reference to that person just before, or possibly just after.
Let's look at a couple of your examples:
Gazing - clearly this is describing you, yet the nearest antecedent is 'he' = confusion.
Knowing (stanza 3) - same comment
The solution is to re-word the phrase with a stronger, more direct form. Why not 'I gazed' instead of 'gazing' and 'I knew' instead of 'Knowing' Not only does this create more variety, but the active verb is more powerful.
Sorry for all the English-teacher stuff, but that's what I am! :O)
Cheers.
Steve
Comment Written 01-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2014
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Thank you for reading and your help. hugs. Tero
Comment from Neonewman
Excellent addition to the love poem poetry contest, true to form and captivating. Good luck and God Bless! Most of all continue writing, you are one gifted individual.
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2014
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Excellent addition to the love poem poetry contest, true to form and captivating. Good luck and God Bless! Most of all continue writing, you are one gifted individual.
Comment Written 01-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2014
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Thank you so much. hugs, teri
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is an excellent write, teri, you did an excellent job writing this love poem about the love that gives you the world and then some. I enjoyed reading it. good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2014
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this is an excellent write, teri, you did an excellent job writing this love poem about the love that gives you the world and then some. I enjoyed reading it. good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 01-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2014
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Thank you my friend. hugs, teri