Stick Change
Horror with cheesy introduction - PLEASE SEE NOTES26 total reviews
Comment from SolomonStone
I really enjoyed the opening and closing narrator, and the story was great! The dialogue was exceptional as well. Nice job! Great short read!
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2014
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I really enjoyed the opening and closing narrator, and the story was great! The dialogue was exceptional as well. Nice job! Great short read!
Comment Written 13-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2014
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Thank you, SS :-). Really glad you liked it.
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
A great story, my friend. Well written, humorous and interesting. A great idea for a contest and this appears to be a fine contender Debbie
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2014
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A great story, my friend. Well written, humorous and interesting. A great idea for a contest and this appears to be a fine contender Debbie
Comment Written 13-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2014
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Thank you, Debbie :-). I'm really happy you enjoyed the read.
Comment from Cin
Wow!!! - I didn't know whether I should have laughed, screamed or vomited - your writing is absolutely brilliant (and horror is not normally my scene) but I have just read this story with my entire body. A rigid body and a very scrunched face - completely etched in horror - if I could have read the screen through a pillow I would have been hugging one of those too :-)
Okay down to the nuts and bolts:
...they don't get cramp(ed?) while they wait, still...
Run along[,] now[,] children. - no need for commas here.
...maybe ask what you(r) secret is."
Your story is very original - and your use of metaphors and similes are very authentic and have really enriched your writing. You also have an amazingly active writing voice which grips the reader and has them contorting - and I mean contorting - with the protagonist/victims. Brilliant Job! All the best in the competition... Cin :-)
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2014
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Wow!!! - I didn't know whether I should have laughed, screamed or vomited - your writing is absolutely brilliant (and horror is not normally my scene) but I have just read this story with my entire body. A rigid body and a very scrunched face - completely etched in horror - if I could have read the screen through a pillow I would have been hugging one of those too :-)
Okay down to the nuts and bolts:
...they don't get cramp(ed?) while they wait, still...
Run along[,] now[,] children. - no need for commas here.
...maybe ask what you(r) secret is."
Your story is very original - and your use of metaphors and similes are very authentic and have really enriched your writing. You also have an amazingly active writing voice which grips the reader and has them contorting - and I mean contorting - with the protagonist/victims. Brilliant Job! All the best in the competition... Cin :-)
Comment Written 13-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2014
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Thank you so much, Cin. What a great review :-). Spag catches appreciated and duly implemented. I'm particularly pleased you mention the voice because it's something I used to struggle with. Always good to know an area I've worked hard on has improved.
Comment from James Dooney
Oh yes this was a lovely read indeed. Reminds me of the sheep there indulging in the grass, oblivious to the hounds from hell waiting just outside ! good stuff !
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reply by the author on 13-Jul-2014
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Oh yes this was a lovely read indeed. Reminds me of the sheep there indulging in the grass, oblivious to the hounds from hell waiting just outside ! good stuff !
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2014
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lol, thanks, James - really glad you enjoyed it :-).
Comment from Andrewajgblue
This was fantastic, I was glued to this story., it was so original and superbly creative, I thought your writing was amazing,it was like a Stephen king short story, I loved it, well worth the six stars,
Great writing,
Andrew
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2014
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This was fantastic, I was glued to this story., it was so original and superbly creative, I thought your writing was amazing,it was like a Stephen king short story, I loved it, well worth the six stars,
Great writing,
Andrew
Comment Written 13-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2014
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Thanks so much, Andrew :-). I always try to be a little bit different. I'm thrilled you enjoyed it!
Comment from Kashif Ali Abbas
The darkness closed in fast and it was all I could do to catch Jimmy's last words.
"Yep. We all got deals to make." [ this ending was very apt and good one]
Best of luck in the contest
K
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2014
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The darkness closed in fast and it was all I could do to catch Jimmy's last words.
"Yep. We all got deals to make." [ this ending was very apt and good one]
Best of luck in the contest
K
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2014
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Thank you, Kashif - glad you liked it :-).
