Let's Make a Trapeze!
Millie remembers the circus.25 total reviews
Comment from c_lucas
This is very well written and zeroes in on the target group. your story has a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read, Good job.
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2014
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This is very well written and zeroes in on the target group. your story has a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read, Good job.
Comment Written 06-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2014
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Thank you so much Charlie, so pleased you liked it. xsx Sandra
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You're welcome, Sandra. Charlie
Comment from royowen
I loved this story, I love kiddies stories, it's about my level of understanding, I guess that's my desire to live in a kiddie's world! This is well expressed, Sandra, these stories always remind me of, Rattie and Mole, Badger, and Toad in wind in the willows, I think tea and toast and a roaring fire in Moles place, such comfort! Well done, I loved it, well written, blessings, Roy.
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2014
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I loved this story, I love kiddies stories, it's about my level of understanding, I guess that's my desire to live in a kiddie's world! This is well expressed, Sandra, these stories always remind me of, Rattie and Mole, Badger, and Toad in wind in the willows, I think tea and toast and a roaring fire in Moles place, such comfort! Well done, I loved it, well written, blessings, Roy.
Comment Written 06-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2014
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Thank you so much! What a compliment! I am really pleased you enjoyed it. xsx sandra
Comment from Jay Squires
This is a charming and entertaining script. You've done such a beautiful job bringing the critters to life. The kids will love it!
A few things for you to consider:
looking at Mollie the Mole's [Are there now two moles and a vole or is this supposed to read "Millie"?]
Now come on down, we need your help." [This is only advisory, not a nit, but you do have a comma splice, or a run-on sentence here. Since it's dialogue, I'm a more lenient grammar cop.]
just as if he was flying. [as if he WERE flying >> subjunctive form, "as if" being the giveaway.]
This is really a lovely story. The perfect dialogue ending: "That would be tickety boo!"
You'll note I deducted a star, Sandra. I have to be consistent. It's just so hard to do it when the story is so compelling and charming.
What I will do, though, as soon as you let me know the corrections have been made, is to give you back your star. It tends to make frightful tears in my pockets.
Good writing!
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reply by the author on 07-Jul-2014
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This is a charming and entertaining script. You've done such a beautiful job bringing the critters to life. The kids will love it!
A few things for you to consider:
looking at Mollie the Mole's [Are there now two moles and a vole or is this supposed to read "Millie"?]
Now come on down, we need your help." [This is only advisory, not a nit, but you do have a comma splice, or a run-on sentence here. Since it's dialogue, I'm a more lenient grammar cop.]
just as if he was flying. [as if he WERE flying >> subjunctive form, "as if" being the giveaway.]
This is really a lovely story. The perfect dialogue ending: "That would be tickety boo!"
You'll note I deducted a star, Sandra. I have to be consistent. It's just so hard to do it when the story is so compelling and charming.
What I will do, though, as soon as you let me know the corrections have been made, is to give you back your star. It tends to make frightful tears in my pockets.
Good writing!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 06-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2014
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Thank you so very much, Jay, for finding those pesky nits. I swear they hide from me when I go to edit my poem! I have been back and exterminated them. LOL! I'm so pleased you enjoyed it. :) Sandra xsx
Comment from Nosha17
That was a most enjoyable story. Your characters are so well drawn and amusing. Kids will love the animal antics and dialogue. Well written narrative and most enjoyable. Super pic, too. Faye
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2014
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That was a most enjoyable story. Your characters are so well drawn and amusing. Kids will love the animal antics and dialogue. Well written narrative and most enjoyable. Super pic, too. Faye
Comment Written 06-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2014
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Thank you so much, Faye, for another great review! Sandra xsx :)
Comment from kiwijenny
Oh this mirrors my life . I am Cyril the squirrel. I am at home with my sister and we went for a walk up steep roads and I got that puffed...I must do more walking......this is cute cute cute
God bless
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2014
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Oh this mirrors my life . I am Cyril the squirrel. I am at home with my sister and we went for a walk up steep roads and I got that puffed...I must do more walking......this is cute cute cute
God bless
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 06-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2014
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You and me both! Thank you so much for this lovely review. I'm so pleased you enjoyed it! xsx Sxsxandra