Comment from Kingsland

Excellent

Jack and Jill went up the hill
They both had a quarter
Jill came down with fifty cents
Did they really go up for water?

You seem to have a happy ending for this tale. That's not like you. This was a well written short story that I enjoyed reading... John

 Comment Written 03-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 03-Jul-2014

Thank you, John, I really appreciate it. If you read just a teensy-weensy bit closer, you'll realize that the ending isn't all too happy. Jack was dead, and it was his pale, white hands which reached up to grab Jill and drag her in. Sorry if I disappointed you by telling you this. You're very right, however. Happy ending are most definitely my forte.

Thanks again, John.

reply by Kingsland on 03-Jul-2014

Ah yes, you see, I missed that. It went right over my head. I still found the story to be well written, but now I understand its ending a bit differently than before...

reply by the author on 03-Jul-2014

(Sorry John) :(

I'm happy you still liked it, though, despite the rather gruesome fate that befalls poor Jill.

Thanks so much again, my friend.

Comment from Jim Lorson Sr

Excellent

Truly scary Dean. What a different take on the old Jack and Jill nursery rhyme. You have this enormous talent for twisting the innocent into the most devious.

Great contest entry and I wish you much luck.

Take care my friend,,,,,,Jim

 Comment Written 03-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 04-Jul-2014

Hah, well, thank you very much, Jim. I'm not so sure if that is a good thing, or a bad one, LOL.

I truly appreciate the kind comments and review, my friend!

Comment from Ridley Williams

Excellent

You know, I kinda' did wonder what became of ol' Jack? Jill musta' dumped the evidence. So sad, another promising relationship gone south...
This piece hit me from so many angles. First of all, that picture popped up and my mind was wandering, and it gave me a start! Nice Job! Then, the first line reminded me of the way I felt the other night after a meal at our local Pizza Parlor, lol. Actually, I looked lot like the guy in the picture for awhile, praying, "Come on ice cream!"
This entry is full of originality and style. I truly love how your mind works, my friend, best of luck... always a pleasure, Bill

 Comment Written 03-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 04-Jul-2014

Ah-h-h-h! A guy who looked like my Jack in the photo was in your pizza parlor? Geez Louise, Bill, I'd be finding another place to eat pizza, LOL!

Thanks for the fantastic review, my friend.

Respectfully,

Dean

reply by Ridley Williams on 04-Jul-2014

Actually, the guy looked like I did as I tried to digest the meal later that same evening. I had followed the pizza with ice cream... hence my prayer, lol. Sadly, our small town only has one parlor, so sometimes you just have to roll the dice, lol. Hope you have a great 4th, Bill

reply by the author on 04-Jul-2014

Hah ha, that you do, Bill, that you do.

You have a wonderful fourth yourself, my friend.

God Bless you, Bill, and Please, God...Bless the USA!

Comment from Idamarty

Exceptional

Wow! What an eerie take on the Jack and Jill story. In just fifty words you said so much, yet you left me wanting so much more. This would be a great story to expand on my friend. Nicely done! Thanks so much for sharing...blessings.

 Comment Written 03-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 04-Jul-2014

Thanks for such a glowing review and excellent rating, Idamarty. I'm really glad you enjoyed this creepy little take on the beloved nursery rhyme. I really appreciate it, my friend!

Comment from joneau2

Exceptional

Ah, your mastery of the macabre continues to border on the fantastic. I remain amazed how you're able to produce such quality imaginative tales.

Oh, please review my chapter from my book, "How's it by you too?" It's titled, "Jim, the very accident prone man." Thanks

 Comment Written 03-Jul-2014

Comment from prefabmouse

Excellent

oohhhh!! Chills up my spine. I never thought of Jack and Jill in that way but I just LOVE IT!!! I get so excited when I see a new entry from you and you never fail me.

 Comment Written 03-Jul-2014

Comment from lindalcreel

Excellent

This was a new perspective, but I am always amazed at your abilities to change a nursery rhyme into something else. Thanks so much for sharing. It makes me think what else will you come up with?

 Comment Written 03-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 03-Jul-2014

Thanks very much for your kind review and comments, Linda. I myself never know what I might come up with, usually until it's too late, LOL.

Thanks so much again.

reply by lindalcreel on 03-Jul-2014

My pleasure:)

Comment from DALLAS01

Excellent

I must not have a real inquisitive mind. Kind of accept thing t face value. Think I will retune my curiosity instrument. Creative and entertaining as always.

 Comment Written 03-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 03-Jul-2014

Oh, but you do have an inquisitive mind, DALLAS, my dear. You write poetry, you write...period. You can't do so without questioning the world around you. It's simply not possible.

Thanks so much for your kind review.

reply by DALLAS01 on 03-Jul-2014

:.)

Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell

Excellent

LOL, how I wish I had a 6! I just didn't expect that ending! It is hilarious! This one has to be the winner. You are master of surprise, Dean. Good luck in the contest, if this one doesn't put a smile on the judges faces, nothing will. xsx Sandra

 Comment Written 03-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 03-Jul-2014

Thank you, Sandra. Ah-h-h, but you forget, it's me you're talking about here, Dean Kuch. Lately, me and the winning of contests have parted company. We'll just have to wait and see...

Thanks for the great review!

Comment from Caressa_08

Excellent

Yes, a far cry of what we interpreted as young kids with nothing better to do & sigh, to the realization that Jack broke his crown, though in your poem, Jack came home.. and it seems poor Jill, will not be tumbling after...

Caressa

 Comment Written 03-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 03-Jul-2014

Thank you, Caressa. You're right. She may be tumbling in, or down; as into the well. But not after.

I appreciate the review, my friend.

Be well~