A Time To Die
An Act of kindness by an enemy contest entry26 total reviews
Comment from Dean Kuch
Oh, but I'm anything but timid, dear author, and I had a good time while reading this one.In fact, I wish you'd continue this tale in a sequel, or a series of sorts. The characters were well done, and the detective, while a bit sad, could carry many such stories along quite easily.
I don't see anything that I could offer advice on as to grammar or spelling. It all looks great to me.
It's nice to see the bad guy lose. I hate it when they win.
Best of luck to you in the contest.
  |
Oh, but I'm anything but timid, dear author, and I had a good time while reading this one.In fact, I wish you'd continue this tale in a sequel, or a series of sorts. The characters were well done, and the detective, while a bit sad, could carry many such stories along quite easily.
I don't see anything that I could offer advice on as to grammar or spelling. It all looks great to me.
It's nice to see the bad guy lose. I hate it when they win.
Best of luck to you in the contest.
Comment Written 29-Jun-2014
Comment from Saikripa
The gruesome tale has been written in the most captivating manner. One feels sympathy for such horrible inhumans too or there wouldn't be any difference between them and humans. May godfree such beasts of such a nasty life.
 |
The gruesome tale has been written in the most captivating manner. One feels sympathy for such horrible inhumans too or there wouldn't be any difference between them and humans. May godfree such beasts of such a nasty life.
Comment Written 29-Jun-2014
Comment from CALLAHANMR
An act of kindness by a stranger? I'm not so sure. It seems more like an act of anger and fear that the bastard would get another chance. Whatever? Who could blame the cop with the evidence before him.
I noted what appears to be one small error: Wooden shards and splinters exploded inside as the old door fell before his [need ==> knee}.
Good luck in the contest
Wooden shards and splinters exploded inside as the old door fell before his [need ==> knee}.
|
An act of kindness by a stranger? I'm not so sure. It seems more like an act of anger and fear that the bastard would get another chance. Whatever? Who could blame the cop with the evidence before him.
I noted what appears to be one small error: Wooden shards and splinters exploded inside as the old door fell before his [need ==> knee}.
Good luck in the contest
Wooden shards and splinters exploded inside as the old door fell before his [need ==> knee}.
Comment Written 29-Jun-2014
Comment from LIJ Red
rough and raunchy. I like it.
In the 5th paragraph who exclaims "No!" ?
6th paragraph-I bet the door BARRED his way.
Is the ordinarily inappropriate use of "need" in the 7th paragraph a deliberate reflection of the uncertain motives of the detective? would "attack" be better?
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2014
|
rough and raunchy. I like it.
In the 5th paragraph who exclaims "No!" ?
6th paragraph-I bet the door BARRED his way.
Is the ordinarily inappropriate use of "need" in the 7th paragraph a deliberate reflection of the uncertain motives of the detective? would "attack" be better?
Comment Written 29-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2014
-
Thank you very much.
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi,
Very good story. I enjoyed the read. Good luck in the contest.
~ Inverted Dialogue Tag ~
I was taught in my work group the correct way to do tags. Thought I'd pass the info on to you, but lose or use. No disrespect intended.
Yours :: Don't," yelled David, his face a mask of blood,
Suggested :: Don't," David yelled, his face a mask of blood,
~ Typo ~ Lord should be capitalized.
[ ] delete ( ) add
Please [lord](Lord), don't let me be too late.
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'.... Jax
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2014
|
Hi,
Very good story. I enjoyed the read. Good luck in the contest.
~ Inverted Dialogue Tag ~
I was taught in my work group the correct way to do tags. Thought I'd pass the info on to you, but lose or use. No disrespect intended.
Yours :: Don't," yelled David, his face a mask of blood,
Suggested :: Don't," David yelled, his face a mask of blood,
~ Typo ~ Lord should be capitalized.
[ ] delete ( ) add
Please [lord](Lord), don't let me be too late.
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'.... Jax
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 29-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2014
-
Thank you very much, Jax
Comment from Leineco
A tautly told tale of crime and punishment. I have to wonder though. . .which was the act of kindness? The killer begging to be killed - or the cop granting the wish? An argument could be made for either.
Two quick notes on construction:
1) the wipers. . .were six months past needing changed I think you need a to be inserted after needing
2) David Wilkins kneeled between two cotton white, thin legs. . . I found cotton-white literally jarring (sorry) - alabaster, I could flow with - but cotton white just isn't a skin tone I can imagine - even in an albino it's more of a chalky white.
Not that either of this significantly impact the telling of the story :-)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2014
|
A tautly told tale of crime and punishment. I have to wonder though. . .which was the act of kindness? The killer begging to be killed - or the cop granting the wish? An argument could be made for either.
Two quick notes on construction:
1) the wipers. . .were six months past needing changed I think you need a to be inserted after needing
2) David Wilkins kneeled between two cotton white, thin legs. . . I found cotton-white literally jarring (sorry) - alabaster, I could flow with - but cotton white just isn't a skin tone I can imagine - even in an albino it's more of a chalky white.
Not that either of this significantly impact the telling of the story :-)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 29-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2014
-
Thank you very much.