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Viewing comments for Chapter 42 "Kitty and Meow-Meow At the Bar"Shorter stories
29 total reviews
Comment from humpwhistle
I like that you have put a twist in this story--as Flash requires. But I cant help feeling you've over written the whole thing by at least a third.
Flash is based on economy and I think your first two paragraphs are bloated.
I don't blame. Few people on this site understand the disciplines Flash Fiction is supposed to embrace.
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2014
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I like that you have put a twist in this story--as Flash requires. But I cant help feeling you've over written the whole thing by at least a third.
Flash is based on economy and I think your first two paragraphs are bloated.
I don't blame. Few people on this site understand the disciplines Flash Fiction is supposed to embrace.
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 21-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2014
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Hi Lee, Flash fiction is a term for a short story under 1000 words. It's a broad term that encompasses 'micro fiction', which is more along the lines that you are describing. Micro fiction exists on the notion that if you eliminate adjectives, choose multifunctioning verbs and nouns, and let the reader fill in the story himself, you can tell the story below 300 words. One CAN do it in less than 50 words if so compelled.
I assure you, if the story calls for a certain word limit, people will edit to that need. My story, at 230 words, falls safely into micro-narrative. Thank you for the excellent review.
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You are correct. The term Flash Fiction has been adulterated to the point where word count seems to be the only definer.
If that's the case, I question the necessity of the term Flash Fiction. Just state a word count and be done with it.
I guess if people who can't understand the complexities of haiku can write 5-7-5 poems, why can't we have Flash Fiction based only on word count? It's the same thing. Take away the complexities, and anyone can do it.
I'm not singling out, my friend. And I apologize if it seems that way. But Flash Fiction used to be defined by strict economy--not word count.
I don't blame you. But I sorely regret the loss of the real challenge that used to be Flash Fiction.
I hope you understand.
Peace, Lee
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What I'll require are two examples that display this seemingly undefinable quality. Assuming that there is an exposition, rising action, climax, falling action, and resolution necessity (or understandable deletion of same) I fail to see what is separate from what the rest of the world identifies. Please don't trot out Hemingway's baby crib story, as it is merely an exaggeration of a point. The iceberg stories that he told were based on the readers' knowledge of huge events, and identification with personal events.
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Yipes! I didn't mean to raise your hackles.
You think 'the world' identifies with you? More power to you.
I apologize.
You brought up Hemingway. I wouldn't have.
There is no reason for the term 'Flash Fiction' if it only refers to word count.
Re-read the first two bloated paragraphs of your story, and if you still think that qualifies as Flash Fiction, we'll never agree.
Again, I apologize for disagreeing with you.
Peace, Lee
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So, no example?
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sure, I can provide a great example, but I'm not sure you're open-minded. I think you've made up your mind, and you only want to argue. That's your choice. L
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Sorry to come off like a school girl. I tend to get defensive for no reason. I realize you're being instructive and helpful.
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Please, I apologize, if I came off that way.
With these blind contests, I have no idea who I'm talking to. I try to be fair and objective. When people engage me in debate, I try to respond accordingly.
If you were to take a poll of FS members as to what 'Flash' requires, your definition would win. I think you already know that.
Peace, Lee
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
LOL! What a fabulous ending. This is extremely well thought out and clever to the max. I have a six left and was hoping to find something worthy. It's yours, along with my vote. :)
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2014
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LOL! What a fabulous ending. This is extremely well thought out and clever to the max. I have a six left and was hoping to find something worthy. It's yours, along with my vote. :)
Comment Written 21-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2014
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Thank you, Phyllis, for the fabulous review.
Comment from chasennov
"Kitty and Meow-Meow At the Bar" This is quite a story you have created here about two women at a bar, deserted, sharing a secret. And what a secret it was. I would give quids to know what happened, if I was curious enough. Well done.
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2014
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"Kitty and Meow-Meow At the Bar" This is quite a story you have created here about two women at a bar, deserted, sharing a secret. And what a secret it was. I would give quids to know what happened, if I was curious enough. Well done.
Comment Written 21-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2014
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Thank you for the excellent review.
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You are most welcome.
Comment from dennis0530
I will say that the theme of this writing is opportunism.
Sylvia has beaten the two other women to the 'prize'. Not that she was chosen but rather that she 'cornered' the customer for herself.
This writing has a bit of humor when it states that "...seniority was not a kind status in an occupation..."
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2014
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I will say that the theme of this writing is opportunism.
Sylvia has beaten the two other women to the 'prize'. Not that she was chosen but rather that she 'cornered' the customer for herself.
This writing has a bit of humor when it states that "...seniority was not a kind status in an occupation..."
Comment Written 21-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2014
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Thank you for the excellent review.
Comment from adewpearl
you set the stage and introduce your main characters well in your opening
excellent dialogue and character development
An insightful look at working girls and their thoughts on the trade they ply :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2014
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you set the stage and introduce your main characters well in your opening
excellent dialogue and character development
An insightful look at working girls and their thoughts on the trade they ply :-) Brooke
Comment Written 21-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2014
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Thank you, Brooke, for the excellent review.
Comment from Raphael Montonaro
Surprise ending? or perhaps a turning ending that shocks like a Haiku poem. Good dialogue made this work....Good writing....you got the knack!
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2014
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Surprise ending? or perhaps a turning ending that shocks like a Haiku poem. Good dialogue made this work....Good writing....you got the knack!
Comment Written 20-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2014
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Thank you, Raphael, for the excellent review.
Comment from LIJ Red
Grammatically and so on, it's sound. The prompt being satisfied-well, imagination helps. The "diva" scooped up by Kitty's mate(Did he know she was there?) could have better been identified as ell oh ell ay Lola...huh?
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2014
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Grammatically and so on, it's sound. The prompt being satisfied-well, imagination helps. The "diva" scooped up by Kitty's mate(Did he know she was there?) could have better been identified as ell oh ell ay Lola...huh?
Comment Written 20-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2014
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On my third revision I removed the overt identification in favor of the suggestion. I added that the John was one of the ladies' husband as the surprise. Thank you for reviewing.
Comment from sibhus
A well written piece, I will give you that, but the idea is a little worn. Good descriptions that give a feel for the bar and your characters, which make for a good entry in the contest. Good luck. Alright now that is a definite twist and and an improvement.
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reply by the author on 20-Jun-2014
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A well written piece, I will give you that, but the idea is a little worn. Good descriptions that give a feel for the bar and your characters, which make for a good entry in the contest. Good luck. Alright now that is a definite twist and and an improvement.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2014
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Thank you move giving this a look.
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I changed the ending. Can you give it a peek?
Comment from padumachitta
Hi. Well, certainly a twist on the old bar scene. It gives a clear picture. I can smell the place and feel the underlying corruption.
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reply by the author on 20-Jun-2014
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Hi. Well, certainly a twist on the old bar scene. It gives a clear picture. I can smell the place and feel the underlying corruption.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2014
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Thank you, padumachitta, for the excellent review.