Bible Stories in Rhyme
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Dare to be a David"Poetry and Stories from the Bible
27 total reviews
Comment from kiwisteveh
A sound re-telling in rhyming couplets of the biblical story of David and Goliath.
Despite disparate line lengths, the poem flows reasonably well when read aloud.
Steve
reply by the author on 20-May-2014
  |
A sound re-telling in rhyming couplets of the biblical story of David and Goliath.
Despite disparate line lengths, the poem flows reasonably well when read aloud.
Steve
Comment Written 18-May-2014
reply by the author on 20-May-2014
-
Thanks for the thoughtful comments and generous rating.
:-) Carolyn
Comment from padumachitta
Hi. This is a good read on an old story. It was a super way to tell it. It is one of those stories that bares retelling.
I like the couplets, it gives a picture for eac segment.padumachitta
reply by the author on 20-May-2014
|
Hi. This is a good read on an old story. It was a super way to tell it. It is one of those stories that bares retelling.
I like the couplets, it gives a picture for eac segment.padumachitta
Comment Written 18-May-2014
reply by the author on 20-May-2014
-
What a nice review this is, I appreciate all your kind words. :-) Carolyn
Comment from leslief1952
Nice job. I enjoyed reading your poem.
One suggestion that I might make: when writing poetry, try to make every word count. For instance, you don't need all the words in the first stanza.
"David rose up early and checked on his sheep
for David was a shepherd boy, who seldom fell sound asleep"
You might try something like this:
David rose early to check his sheep.
A shepherd boy, he found he could seldom soundly sleep.
I realize that poetry is very personal and very hard for someone else to critique. But as a reader, I find that the more compact a poem is, the more meaning it sometimes holds. Hope this helps.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 20-May-2014
 |
Nice job. I enjoyed reading your poem.
One suggestion that I might make: when writing poetry, try to make every word count. For instance, you don't need all the words in the first stanza.
"David rose up early and checked on his sheep
for David was a shepherd boy, who seldom fell sound asleep"
You might try something like this:
David rose early to check his sheep.
A shepherd boy, he found he could seldom soundly sleep.
I realize that poetry is very personal and very hard for someone else to critique. But as a reader, I find that the more compact a poem is, the more meaning it sometimes holds. Hope this helps.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 18-May-2014
reply by the author on 20-May-2014
-
Thanks for the review and your kind suggestions. I appreciate you. :-) Carolyn
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, carolyn, you did an excellent job writing this couplet poem about the courage we need to find within. i enjoyed reading this one....
reply by the author on 20-May-2014
 |
this is very well written, carolyn, you did an excellent job writing this couplet poem about the courage we need to find within. i enjoyed reading this one....
Comment Written 18-May-2014
reply by the author on 20-May-2014
-
Thank you for this awesome rating and thoughtful review. I appreciate that you enjoyed this one. :-) Carolyn
Comment from Cajungirl
Beautifully done, Carolyn. I loved the poem/story. I will read this one to my grandchildren on Sunday after Mass.I know they will enjoy it as I have. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 20-May-2014
|
Beautifully done, Carolyn. I loved the poem/story. I will read this one to my grandchildren on Sunday after Mass.I know they will enjoy it as I have. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 18-May-2014
reply by the author on 20-May-2014
-
How nice of you to read this to your grandchildren. I am honored. :-) Carolyn
Comment from Glasstruth
You give new life to an old story. The message, especially in the last two lines rings true. No matter how you small you feel, always give it all you got. Told nicely in rhyming couplets. Well done! Les
reply by the author on 18-May-2014
|
You give new life to an old story. The message, especially in the last two lines rings true. No matter how you small you feel, always give it all you got. Told nicely in rhyming couplets. Well done! Les
Comment Written 18-May-2014
reply by the author on 18-May-2014
-
Thanks Les, I appreciate this kind review. The old, old stories still apply. So glad you enjoyed it. :-) Carolyn
Comment from donette1914
very well written and i love the story of David and what an example he did for us to follow and i really like your story in a poem, outstanding
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 18-May-2014
|
very well written and i love the story of David and what an example he did for us to follow and i really like your story in a poem, outstanding
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 18-May-2014
reply by the author on 18-May-2014
-
Thanks donette1914, what a wonderful review you have given, David's bravery as a young boy still inspires after all this time.
:-) Carolyn
