Comment from Ola Awakan

Good

You have a story but I have issues with the plot. I can't see the conflict let alone resolution. You are too conscious of the 100 words to the detriment of the plot. It is good any way, just review it!

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 Comment Written 15-Apr-2014

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reply by the author on 15-Apr-2014

Interesting reaction.

The setting is a cab on the way to the theatre
The main character is Mary, the na•ve grandmother
The sub characters or utility characters are her companion Helen and the cab driver
The conflict the grandmother's continued belief in her grandson against an inferred criticism (reinforced by the word coddling)
The crises-finding out her son will be a male stripper on stage and she'll be in front-row centre

If anywhere there might be a weakness it might be the resolution, but it also includes a twist, which is the fundamental difference between a short story (of any l length) and flash fiction that expects a twist ending.

I appreciate your comments.

Comment from jmdg1954

Excellent

Awe, this was great! You led the reader (at least me) thinking someone was making a stage debut against parents wishes.
Then, bam! Gram's is going to the strip show!!
Is she in for a treat or what?
Nicely done. A great entry into the contest...
John

 Comment Written 15-Apr-2014

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reply by the author on 15-Apr-2014

Thanks so much. These are always fun writes.

Comment from Kingsland

Excellent

This took a moment for the meaning and the humor to settle in for me. But I got it, it was very subtly written. I enjoyed reading this piece with subtle humor in its story line... John

 Comment Written 15-Apr-2014

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reply by the author on 15-Apr-2014

It did occur to me that male readers would have no idea what the punch line was, but The Chippendales group was a very clever idea of its time that has endured decades, making male strippers not only 'okay' for women to watch, it became main-line entertainment and was actually, in my mind, part of the feminist movement that made 'what's good for the gander...' become normal.

Comment from Millibrad

Excellent

This is a nice humorous piece, and a good read, but I'm not sure it meets the conditions of the contest. It's not clear which of the ladies is the main character. If the conflict arises from Mary not knowing about The Chippendales, then where is the resolution.

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 Comment Written 15-Apr-2014

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reply by the author on 15-Apr-2014

That's subject to interpretation. A group of people with a common interest qualifies as a main character and most flash-fiction rules also state that there must be a surprise ending, which is not mentioned here at all.

I would debate that Mary is the na•ve, central character, and Helen plus the cab driver are simply utility characters who facilitate the story.

However, the voters will decide against their own expectations and appreciation of contest entries. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

reply by Millibrad on 15-Apr-2014

Good luck in the contest.