At Last Light
A beach poem40 total reviews
Comment from rama devi
WOW--these lines are awesome--creative, descriptive, deep, wise and witty too:
An orange-sherbet bauble, set to drop
Below the line where far horizons crop,
A last illumination, like the cut
Of love's detachment from its bitter ends.
So eloquently voiced. And fine consonance and alliteration of L in all four lines. "orange-sherbet bauble"--superb! Using CROp with horizons is such fine subtle personification. Bravo. Nice alliteration on F as well.
This too--eloquent and rich:
Recalibrate my mind, inhale the breeze,
Skip thoughts across the waves to feel them rise,
And hide within the tide that brims the coast.
Love the use of recalibrate. Love the consonance of S, C-K, and T. ice internal rhyme in line three. Fine alliteration of BR with breeze and brims.
A very fine work--worthy of a six, but I do not have one--with your usual finesse in crafting meter and rhyme. Love the rhyme scheme. Quite musical.
Hugs, rd
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2014
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WOW--these lines are awesome--creative, descriptive, deep, wise and witty too:
An orange-sherbet bauble, set to drop
Below the line where far horizons crop,
A last illumination, like the cut
Of love's detachment from its bitter ends.
So eloquently voiced. And fine consonance and alliteration of L in all four lines. "orange-sherbet bauble"--superb! Using CROp with horizons is such fine subtle personification. Bravo. Nice alliteration on F as well.
This too--eloquent and rich:
Recalibrate my mind, inhale the breeze,
Skip thoughts across the waves to feel them rise,
And hide within the tide that brims the coast.
Love the use of recalibrate. Love the consonance of S, C-K, and T. ice internal rhyme in line three. Fine alliteration of BR with breeze and brims.
A very fine work--worthy of a six, but I do not have one--with your usual finesse in crafting meter and rhyme. Love the rhyme scheme. Quite musical.
Hugs, rd
Comment Written 08-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2014
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As always, my friend, I just love reading your thoughts, disconnecting from my role as writer, and seeing it as you do. It's valuable, and I appreciate it...and you, of course.
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:-))) You too! :)
Comment from Katzintx
I never "freak" at creativity and strong lines that evoke musing on how life is lived. Appears that the pirate has retired.
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2014
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I never "freak" at creativity and strong lines that evoke musing on how life is lived. Appears that the pirate has retired.
Comment Written 08-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2014
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Thanks so much, Katz. Not retired...just on vacay. ;)
Comment from Just2Write
I love your innovative rhyme scheme. Don't be afraid to use them, they suit you well. Some of the best poetry is written by poets who refused to conform to conventional rhyme. As long as your meter is working, nothing else matters.
This is a great poem in so many ways, the visuals you create with your words are stunning, and the mood that accompanies them, mellow - yet reflective of the 'awe' factor that most feel when close to the sea and sun.
There is a bit of soul searching and darkness in the poem - a reminder of how fragile each of us is.
Rose.
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2014
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I love your innovative rhyme scheme. Don't be afraid to use them, they suit you well. Some of the best poetry is written by poets who refused to conform to conventional rhyme. As long as your meter is working, nothing else matters.
This is a great poem in so many ways, the visuals you create with your words are stunning, and the mood that accompanies them, mellow - yet reflective of the 'awe' factor that most feel when close to the sea and sun.
There is a bit of soul searching and darkness in the poem - a reminder of how fragile each of us is.
Rose.
Comment Written 08-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2014
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Rose, thank you SO much for that sixer, and for your time today. I'm always looking for new ways to express the poems, and I always wait to see how the poem wants to be written before settling on the scheme. You've nailed the conceit of the poem.
Comment from MissMerri
I very much enjoy creative and unusual rhyme patterns. This one is particularly interesting and quite beautiful. Of course, your iambic pentameter is done perfectly, and the details included make the scene come alive. My only suggestion would be to remove the parenthesis in the second line and simply use a comma after 'moments.' Putting something in parenthesis makes it seem like it is not a part of the poem, but this clearly is. A most delightful read... a flowing and beautiful piece...some wonderful lines touching the heart as well as the mind.
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2014
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I very much enjoy creative and unusual rhyme patterns. This one is particularly interesting and quite beautiful. Of course, your iambic pentameter is done perfectly, and the details included make the scene come alive. My only suggestion would be to remove the parenthesis in the second line and simply use a comma after 'moments.' Putting something in parenthesis makes it seem like it is not a part of the poem, but this clearly is. A most delightful read... a flowing and beautiful piece...some wonderful lines touching the heart as well as the mind.
Comment Written 08-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2014
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Thank you so much, Miss Merri. As always, I truly appreciate your kind words and great review, and I'll consider your suggestion. I meant it as sort of an aside, but you may be right that it's more a part of the poem than I initially considered.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
The coastal carpet rolls
Skip thoughts across the waves to feel them rise,
And harnessed by the night
____
Phrases like those define a real poet, I think. You blend in metaphor seamlessly. Beautiful! :)
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2014
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The coastal carpet rolls
Skip thoughts across the waves to feel them rise,
And harnessed by the night
____
Phrases like those define a real poet, I think. You blend in metaphor seamlessly. Beautiful! :)
Comment Written 08-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2014
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Thanks so much, Phyllis, for picking out those lines and for your great comments! David
Comment from akulkumol
Very beautiful imagination and description of a campfire. The flow and wordings are nicely flowing though out the poem. I really loved reading it. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2014
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Very beautiful imagination and description of a campfire. The flow and wordings are nicely flowing though out the poem. I really loved reading it. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 08-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2014
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Thank you so mud, akulkomol.
Comment from mermaids
An orange sherbet bauble is a great use of words,it gives a vivid description of feelings and scenery. You have a use of words that make the poem come to life. Strong emotions come through your words.
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2014
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An orange sherbet bauble is a great use of words,it gives a vivid description of feelings and scenery. You have a use of words that make the poem come to life. Strong emotions come through your words.
Comment Written 08-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2014
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Thank you very much, mermaids. I appreciate it!
Comment from comanalbert
Why should we freak out when we can be terrified?
Interesting images, especially describing the sunset and the dying day. I had to use the translator a lot, but I am indebted to you for learning new words...
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2014
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Why should we freak out when we can be terrified?
Interesting images, especially describing the sunset and the dying day. I had to use the translator a lot, but I am indebted to you for learning new words...
Comment Written 08-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2014
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Thanks so much, my friend. That made me laugh. I appreciate your time.
Comment from Kenneth Schaal
Reads like a set of Italian sonnet sestets of sorts, and I like it. I think it enhances the retrospective/reflective mood of the poem. A lovely but somber look at beach life as it on a chilly and lonely February evening. The second sestet offers the parallel to the lonely experience--unrequited love matching the elements and color of the evening. The fire is the only solace. If I had a six--Kenny
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2014
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Reads like a set of Italian sonnet sestets of sorts, and I like it. I think it enhances the retrospective/reflective mood of the poem. A lovely but somber look at beach life as it on a chilly and lonely February evening. The second sestet offers the parallel to the lonely experience--unrequited love matching the elements and color of the evening. The fire is the only solace. If I had a six--Kenny
Comment Written 08-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2014
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Thanks so much, Kenny, for your insightful and excellent review. As always, I appreciate you, my friend.
Comment from Alan K Pease
A poem done in iambic pentameter with truly an unusual rhyme consistent with the authors ability to experiment with verse (of course). You gaze through the environment on a coastal carpet recalibrating your mind to inhale the breeze in a fading daylight offset by a beach fire contemplating love's loss.
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2014
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A poem done in iambic pentameter with truly an unusual rhyme consistent with the authors ability to experiment with verse (of course). You gaze through the environment on a coastal carpet recalibrating your mind to inhale the breeze in a fading daylight offset by a beach fire contemplating love's loss.
Comment Written 08-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2014
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Thank you very much, Alan. I really appreciate your great summation.