Something's Fishy
Please, somebody help me. I'm here...in here! Let me out...47 total reviews
Comment from lindalcreel
Congratulations on the contest win. I have heard of cases too where the victim was completely paralyzed, but was still alive. This is pretty scary. At least we give the family time to spend with their dearly departed in the hospital, so that if anything like that happened, hopefully someone would see it. Thanks so much for sharing this story. Another winner, my friend.
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Congratulations on the contest win. I have heard of cases too where the victim was completely paralyzed, but was still alive. This is pretty scary. At least we give the family time to spend with their dearly departed in the hospital, so that if anything like that happened, hopefully someone would see it. Thanks so much for sharing this story. Another winner, my friend.
Comment Written 11-Jan-2014
Comment from rouskin
Perfect as always. I could feel the main character's anguish This story had me on the edge of my seat.
Congratulations !
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2014
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Perfect as always. I could feel the main character's anguish This story had me on the edge of my seat.
Congratulations !
Comment Written 11-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2014
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Thanks very much, rouskin. I really appreciate the input and I am so glad you enjoyed it.
Comment from CALLAHANMR
Hi Dean:)
Congratulations on winning this contest, I didn't see your entry while the contest was open. but if I had, you would have had my vote. You could have easily won a horror contest as well.
You have tapped in to two of the greatest fears facing humans. Claustrophobia and fear of being buried alive. Maybe being autopsied alive and fear of puffer fish toxicity should be added to the list.
Poor Mark! What a horror story. Shades of Edgar Allen Poe.
Roger aka Marilyn's writing partner
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2014
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Hi Dean:)
Congratulations on winning this contest, I didn't see your entry while the contest was open. but if I had, you would have had my vote. You could have easily won a horror contest as well.
You have tapped in to two of the greatest fears facing humans. Claustrophobia and fear of being buried alive. Maybe being autopsied alive and fear of puffer fish toxicity should be added to the list.
Poor Mark! What a horror story. Shades of Edgar Allen Poe.
Roger aka Marilyn's writing partner
Comment Written 11-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2014
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Thanks a million, CALLAHANMR. I have been a fan of the horror genre since I was a very young lad. I hope the genre ( unlike many of the various characters in my stories ) never dies, LOL...
Comment from chasennov
'Something's Fishy.' What this story does is make one think about certain situations like being buried alive, or in this case, having an autopsy performed while thinking you're dead. The door certainly slammed shut. Well done.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2014
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'Something's Fishy.' What this story does is make one think about certain situations like being buried alive, or in this case, having an autopsy performed while thinking you're dead. The door certainly slammed shut. Well done.
Comment Written 11-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2014
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Thanks very much for your thoughtful review, chasennov. I truly appreciate the input!
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You are most welcome.
Comment from Mastery
Hello author. I think you have an action-packed, well written piece here. However, You have to decide whether you want this to be in present tense or past tense.
Suggestion: "Have I died? Who did this to him? Why couldn't he see anything?" Tow things here. You switched from present tense to past tense. In order to conform to how you began this should read: "Have I died? Who did this to me? Why can't I see anything?" (all thoughts should be in italics unless you want to add on an "I thought" to the sentence.
Farther on down you go back to past tense again. In order to make this a valid sounding story you need to adjust this accordingly. If you do, I feel you will have a real winner here.
Bob (Mastery)
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2014
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Hello author. I think you have an action-packed, well written piece here. However, You have to decide whether you want this to be in present tense or past tense.
Suggestion: "Have I died? Who did this to him? Why couldn't he see anything?" Tow things here. You switched from present tense to past tense. In order to conform to how you began this should read: "Have I died? Who did this to me? Why can't I see anything?" (all thoughts should be in italics unless you want to add on an "I thought" to the sentence.
Farther on down you go back to past tense again. In order to make this a valid sounding story you need to adjust this accordingly. If you do, I feel you will have a real winner here.
Bob (Mastery)
Comment Written 10-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2014
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Thanks very much, Bob, and I have made the suggested edits. I see your point, and you are absolutely right. The switches in present and past tenses was clearly a mistake on my part.
I truly appreciate your excellent input!
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LOL.. When I read this I was in the dark, didn't know who wrote it...but it had that "Kuch" air to it now that I think about it! LOL. .Congrats on winning, Dean. Bob
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Ha, ha, you mean that Kuch 'stink', LOL?
Thanks again, Bob!
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No....not Kuch stink...kuch aura. there is a difference. LOL...Bob
Comment from allborn66
And my Sweetie wonders why I won't try sushi. It is a excellent story. You made your protagonist just evil enough so we didn't get upset about his demise.
Barbara
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2014
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And my Sweetie wonders why I won't try sushi. It is a excellent story. You made your protagonist just evil enough so we didn't get upset about his demise.
Barbara
Comment Written 10-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2014
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Ha, yep, mine knows now why I won't try sushi either, allborn66!
Thanks so much for a fantastic review.
Comment from Dawn Munro
This is truly gruesome, and terrifying to contemplate. Your descriptions make it all too real, and the narrative voice is powerful. The slight issue I had was with the sentence that starts with, "Have I died?" << first person
You then switch to, "Who did this to HIM..." <<< third person. I would make the switch a new paragraph.
Best of luck in the contest - it's a very entertaining story.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2014
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This is truly gruesome, and terrifying to contemplate. Your descriptions make it all too real, and the narrative voice is powerful. The slight issue I had was with the sentence that starts with, "Have I died?" << first person
You then switch to, "Who did this to HIM..." <<< third person. I would make the switch a new paragraph.
Best of luck in the contest - it's a very entertaining story.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2014
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Thanks, Dawn, and another excellent reviewer made me aware of this switch between present and past tenses as well. I have made edits to correct it, and I really appreciate your excellent feedback and input.
Thanks for reading my story!
Comment from mfowler
This is a brilliantly effective narrative. It kept me in suspense throughout, and delivered the clever, unsuspected, chilling response as he called out for a savior. Your prose is exquisite, and it was obvious to me from the start, that I was in the hands of a great storyteller. Your notes give the background to the idea, and it really shows how an author draws inspiration from the most unusual places. This is a virtual 6 stars, I'm afraid, as I'm all out.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2014
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This is a brilliantly effective narrative. It kept me in suspense throughout, and delivered the clever, unsuspected, chilling response as he called out for a savior. Your prose is exquisite, and it was obvious to me from the start, that I was in the hands of a great storyteller. Your notes give the background to the idea, and it really shows how an author draws inspiration from the most unusual places. This is a virtual 6 stars, I'm afraid, as I'm all out.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2014
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Thanks so much, mfowler. The fact that the story entertained you and that you enjoyed it is reward enough for me, my friend.
Thanks for your outstanding input!
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Hi Dean
You won by a vote Dean. Mine came second. I thought you should have won by more. Easily the dest story!
Comment from Tatarka2
It was horrifying, horrible, and so, so well done. I'm now aware of possibilities I didn't know existed, and I'm also sorry your imagination offers up such possibilities to you - but it couldn't have been any more terrifying or well-written. You grabbed me until the very end. Great picture, too.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2014
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It was horrifying, horrible, and so, so well done. I'm now aware of possibilities I didn't know existed, and I'm also sorry your imagination offers up such possibilities to you - but it couldn't have been any more terrifying or well-written. You grabbed me until the very end. Great picture, too.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2014
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Thanks so much, Tatarka2, and don't feel sorry for my morbid muse, LOL. The horror genre has served me well over the past two decades. I have made a pretty decent living at it from time to time.
T truly appreciate your outstanding review, and thanks for giving my story a shot.
Comment from 24chas
Wow, that's scary. Nice job of writing and of some stellar research. This was a very interesting read and gave me the chills. Nice job.
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Wow, that's scary. Nice job of writing and of some stellar research. This was a very interesting read and gave me the chills. Nice job.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2014