All Those Puzzling Pieces
Viewing comments for Chapter 34 "As Trade Winds Sing"What makes a life? How do the pieces fit?
55 total reviews
Comment from 3boysrule
I don't know this style of poetry ... so I can't comment on that part. However, I can say is I really liked this poem. I could feel myself on the beach and then diving into the ocean. I think the poem was wonderful and sad at the end, with ashes being sent into the air (I imagine cremation ... if I'm wrong, sorry).
Beautiful poem. The only problem I have, is I really, really want to go to the beach now :-)
Dee
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2013
  |
I don't know this style of poetry ... so I can't comment on that part. However, I can say is I really liked this poem. I could feel myself on the beach and then diving into the ocean. I think the poem was wonderful and sad at the end, with ashes being sent into the air (I imagine cremation ... if I'm wrong, sorry).
Beautiful poem. The only problem I have, is I really, really want to go to the beach now :-)
Dee
Comment Written 02-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2013
-
You are absolutely correct Dee - it's common practice here, and it's really quite a lovely ceremony.
:)Sharyn
-
Sharyn, I've never been to Hawaii. I've wanted to go there my entire life. So, I joke around with my kids and tell them that when I die, I want to be cremated, thrown out to sea and hope my ashes will make it to Hawaii, finally.
Great poem!
Dee
Comment from bichonfrisegirl
This is a beautiful rondeau, Sharyn! :)
Your choice of artwork enticed me to read it, and your poem captured and held my interest. Lovely imagery you have created with all that is 'tropical'. Then such a sad ending ... "I cast your ashes high ....".
I hope your poem is fiction, and that you haven't now lost someone that you love.
Best wishes for the contest, Sharyn!
bichonfrisegirl aka Connie
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2013
 |
This is a beautiful rondeau, Sharyn! :)
Your choice of artwork enticed me to read it, and your poem captured and held my interest. Lovely imagery you have created with all that is 'tropical'. Then such a sad ending ... "I cast your ashes high ....".
I hope your poem is fiction, and that you haven't now lost someone that you love.
Best wishes for the contest, Sharyn!
bichonfrisegirl aka Connie
Comment Written 02-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2013
-
purely fiction Connie, thank goodness! Bless you for your wonderful six!
:)Sharyn
Comment from jjstar
Oh, did I love this. The "cadence" or meter was perfect, the rhyme scheme was perfect. What a perfect title and picture to match. Absolutely love the palm fronds whisper softest prayer and soft-spun sand-I smile at you....beautiful!
We play, as children ... such a pair.
Like ocean's deep - our love affair......awwwwwww..so sweet!
Perfect poem that evokes the beauty of the love you shared before casting the ashes to the wind...what a way to be sent off! :)
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2013
|
Oh, did I love this. The "cadence" or meter was perfect, the rhyme scheme was perfect. What a perfect title and picture to match. Absolutely love the palm fronds whisper softest prayer and soft-spun sand-I smile at you....beautiful!
We play, as children ... such a pair.
Like ocean's deep - our love affair......awwwwwww..so sweet!
Perfect poem that evokes the beauty of the love you shared before casting the ashes to the wind...what a way to be sent off! :)
Comment Written 02-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2013
-
It's rather a nice send-off, isn't it jj?? Common practice in Hawaii, usually followed by plumerias ...
:)S
Comment from Rondeno
Just lovely, Sharyn. You really evoke a romantic paradise. There's something about "trade winds" which conjures up adventure (no doubt your father felt the same!)
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2013
|
Just lovely, Sharyn. You really evoke a romantic paradise. There's something about "trade winds" which conjures up adventure (no doubt your father felt the same!)
Comment Written 02-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2013
-
My dad loved those words, too, Michael - you're quite right! :)S
Comment from closetpoetjester
A wonderful Rondeau on your first attempt Shazz and it flowed beautifully inspite of the uneven lines and stanzas.
I love the refrain echoing softly throughout bringing it full circle at the end. Very well done and good luck in the contest.
Cheers P
x
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2013
|
A wonderful Rondeau on your first attempt Shazz and it flowed beautifully inspite of the uneven lines and stanzas.
I love the refrain echoing softly throughout bringing it full circle at the end. Very well done and good luck in the contest.
Cheers P
x
Comment Written 02-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2013
-
interesting form, Pip, hmm? thx so much! :)S
Comment from Curly Girly
Well done with your first attempt at a Rondeau poem. It looks all good to me and it apprears to meet the criteria. This poem speaks of fun times, trade winds and then possibly of scattering a loved ones ashes to the winds...
I cast your ashes high into
the swirling skies, and two hearts tear -
as tradewinds sing.
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2013
|
Well done with your first attempt at a Rondeau poem. It looks all good to me and it apprears to meet the criteria. This poem speaks of fun times, trade winds and then possibly of scattering a loved ones ashes to the winds...
I cast your ashes high into
the swirling skies, and two hearts tear -
as tradewinds sing.
Comment Written 02-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2013
-
Thx Nicole! :)S
Comment from robina1978
I think you did great. You chose a lovely picture to complement this poem. I loved the bit that repeated a lot and the whole poem. Consider this a strong contender. Best wishes for the contest.
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2013
|
I think you did great. You chose a lovely picture to complement this poem. I loved the bit that repeated a lot and the whole poem. Consider this a strong contender. Best wishes for the contest.
Comment Written 02-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2013
-
thanks so much Ine - so glad you liked this one and a special BIG thank you for your lovely six on this!
Best wishes
Sharyn
-
very welcome and so deserved, just enjoy, Ine
Comment from rhymelord
Dear Sharyn,
And a bloody marvellous first effort it is. Perfect in pitch as Dame Nellie Melba, excellent rhyme and metre and great choice for the repeating phrase. I also love your use of enjambment:
I cast your ashes high into
the swirling skies,
Cograts, you little beauty!
Regards
Reg
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2013
|
Dear Sharyn,
And a bloody marvellous first effort it is. Perfect in pitch as Dame Nellie Melba, excellent rhyme and metre and great choice for the repeating phrase. I also love your use of enjambment:
I cast your ashes high into
the swirling skies,
Cograts, you little beauty!
Regards
Reg
Comment Written 02-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2013
-
high praise from the master! thx so much Reg! Melba it is dear! and thank you for noticing my beautiful enjambment! :)
Comment from Sararb
You have written a beautiful poem of casting a loved ones ashes into the sea and bidding them adieu. Your poem describes a serene and peaceful place with the tradewinds blowing over the water. I loved the words they flowed beautiful across the page. Sararb :)
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2013
|
You have written a beautiful poem of casting a loved ones ashes into the sea and bidding them adieu. Your poem describes a serene and peaceful place with the tradewinds blowing over the water. I loved the words they flowed beautiful across the page. Sararb :)
Comment Written 02-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2013
-
thx so much my dear! :)S
Comment from LadyCosgrove
So beautiful yet so sad. The imagery is sharp and clear and the underlying emotion catches the breath, whilst overall the mood of the piece is much softer, an almost dreamlike state.
Great combination.
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2013
|
So beautiful yet so sad. The imagery is sharp and clear and the underlying emotion catches the breath, whilst overall the mood of the piece is much softer, an almost dreamlike state.
Great combination.
Comment Written 02-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2013
-
thx so much Lady C! :))S