Rabbit
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "Laughter Among Friends"A Boy's Story of the rural South
32 total reviews
Comment from Dawn Munro
First the one small edit: ...nest at the corner of the window(") << no quotation mark needed here.
Your book is amazing! I'm so glad I discovered you. This chapter is so touching, and other than the one typo, perfect, as far as I noticed, just wonderfully perfect!
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2013
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First the one small edit: ...nest at the corner of the window(") << no quotation mark needed here.
Your book is amazing! I'm so glad I discovered you. This chapter is so touching, and other than the one typo, perfect, as far as I noticed, just wonderfully perfect!
Comment Written 25-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2013
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Thank for for reading and the wonderful compliment of the six! I made that correction. Warm regards, Bill
Comment from AprilShower
I love these stories within the chapters. I didn't notice any typing errors or grammar mistakes. Of course that just means that 'I didn't notice any'.
I always look forward to reading these chapters.
April
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2013
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I love these stories within the chapters. I didn't notice any typing errors or grammar mistakes. Of course that just means that 'I didn't notice any'.
I always look forward to reading these chapters.
April
Comment Written 25-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2013
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Thanks April - I always struggle on editing help myself. When you get absorbed in the write, that's a good thing! Warm regards, Bill
Comment from Cariboubill
Another wonderful chapter. I love this story. Rabbit is so much a typical country boy. As young as he is, he has a sudden crush on Erin. I remember feeling that way when I was about six years old.
You write so smoothly that the reader is not aware of you as the author. We just see the action going on through Rabbit's eyes. It takes talent and hard work to be able to write like that. Good job.
...Bill
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2013
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Another wonderful chapter. I love this story. Rabbit is so much a typical country boy. As young as he is, he has a sudden crush on Erin. I remember feeling that way when I was about six years old.
You write so smoothly that the reader is not aware of you as the author. We just see the action going on through Rabbit's eyes. It takes talent and hard work to be able to write like that. Good job.
...Bill
Comment Written 25-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2013
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That may be the kindest review I've ever gotten. If you can "see" my story, I've succeeded. Thank you very much! Bill
Comment from highlander104
I think I'm in love with Virge. Your folksy way of story-telling always makes me smile. Love the cute little moral too.
I'm not the comma police and believe they should be used sparingly -- not so sparingly the story gets confusing, but enough to keep it flowing. Although I believe Brooke will disagree with some of my suggestions, I suggest you pick and choose.
Excellent write.
"Grandma put out some cold fried chicken and left-over potato salad[. There were] fresh sliced tomatoes on the side. - try: left-over potato salad "with" fresh ....
... which meant[,] time with my brother[,] John-- delete commas
"This time[,] we're going to let you stay here - delete comma
Miss Erin[,] from our church[,] - delete commas
...she was [playing] piano - played
In a few weeks[,] - delete comma
[You might remember her.] - considering the last line of this paragraph uses the word "remember" and says the same thing, I would suggest deleting this whole sentence.
I was a little tongue tied[,] - since these are two very short compound sentences, you might want to consider deleting this comma
I grew up with two sisters, [so] never had a brother - how about "but"
The next morning[,] - I would delete comma
Running in to her room, I [practically shouted], - think about deleting "practically shouted" - maybe "yelled"
at the corner of the window.["] - delete quote mark
[h]ere's a treat for both of you - edit error capitalize "H"
It's[,] don't never - delete comma
Virge started laughing again[,] and this time[,] Erin was joining in. Not me[.] I was still mad. "I still think it was mean." - add comma before "and" and delete after "time" -- add period after "Not me."
[Your] normally look like dried - you
Jean K.
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2013
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I think I'm in love with Virge. Your folksy way of story-telling always makes me smile. Love the cute little moral too.
I'm not the comma police and believe they should be used sparingly -- not so sparingly the story gets confusing, but enough to keep it flowing. Although I believe Brooke will disagree with some of my suggestions, I suggest you pick and choose.
Excellent write.
"Grandma put out some cold fried chicken and left-over potato salad[. There were] fresh sliced tomatoes on the side. - try: left-over potato salad "with" fresh ....
... which meant[,] time with my brother[,] John-- delete commas
"This time[,] we're going to let you stay here - delete comma
Miss Erin[,] from our church[,] - delete commas
...she was [playing] piano - played
In a few weeks[,] - delete comma
[You might remember her.] - considering the last line of this paragraph uses the word "remember" and says the same thing, I would suggest deleting this whole sentence.
I was a little tongue tied[,] - since these are two very short compound sentences, you might want to consider deleting this comma
I grew up with two sisters, [so] never had a brother - how about "but"
The next morning[,] - I would delete comma
Running in to her room, I [practically shouted], - think about deleting "practically shouted" - maybe "yelled"
at the corner of the window.["] - delete quote mark
[h]ere's a treat for both of you - edit error capitalize "H"
It's[,] don't never - delete comma
Virge started laughing again[,] and this time[,] Erin was joining in. Not me[.] I was still mad. "I still think it was mean." - add comma before "and" and delete after "time" -- add period after "Not me."
[Your] normally look like dried - you
Jean K.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2013
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Thanks Jean - I'll definitely revist the post. I appreciate you taking the time to make this more professional! Bill
Comment from Selina Stambi
Another really delightful chapter, bh. Loved the read, as always.
So looking forward to the next one. I'm really enjoying young Rabbit and his larks!
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2013
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Another really delightful chapter, bh. Loved the read, as always.
So looking forward to the next one. I'm really enjoying young Rabbit and his larks!
Comment Written 25-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2013
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Thanks for reading and especially for following the story.
Comment from dannyleonn
Oh Bill! What memories you are coaxing up from my own childhood (in Alabama, by the way). How did I miss the Alabama part?
Our neighbors had an enormous persimmon tree. The only thing worse than a bitter green persimmon is stepping barefoot in a bed full of over ripe squishy ones. My mouth gave you the ultimate compliment, as I puckered at the mere thought.
I love Virge and Rabbitt.
Looks there's a case of "bunny love" on the horizon.
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2013
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Oh Bill! What memories you are coaxing up from my own childhood (in Alabama, by the way). How did I miss the Alabama part?
Our neighbors had an enormous persimmon tree. The only thing worse than a bitter green persimmon is stepping barefoot in a bed full of over ripe squishy ones. My mouth gave you the ultimate compliment, as I puckered at the mere thought.
I love Virge and Rabbitt.
Looks there's a case of "bunny love" on the horizon.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2013
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Bunny love for sure! I try to be sensitive on readers time, but in reality, there is more story with Erin. Thank you for reading and for the compliment of the six! Warm regards, Bill
Comment from Judy Couch
I love this story. It sounds like something that really happened in the life of an impressionable boy. I liked the reference to "Mr. Rabbit". I liked that you didn't just say that she wasn't dressed for farm work. You let the kid say it in an amuzing way. I do think that changes could be less abrupt. For example, you went directly from his comment about her clothing to him brushing his teeth. I also have a rather stupid question. Does chewing tobacco actually help with bee stings?
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2013
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I love this story. It sounds like something that really happened in the life of an impressionable boy. I liked the reference to "Mr. Rabbit". I liked that you didn't just say that she wasn't dressed for farm work. You let the kid say it in an amuzing way. I do think that changes could be less abrupt. For example, you went directly from his comment about her clothing to him brushing his teeth. I also have a rather stupid question. Does chewing tobacco actually help with bee stings?
Comment Written 25-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2013
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Thanks for reading Judy! Yes, tobacco does help. An old time country cure. Regards, Bill
Comment from Rondeno
You paint an enchanting portrait of a rural America which is now long gone. It is a wholesome, colorful world with a Huck Finn charm to it.
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2013
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You paint an enchanting portrait of a rural America which is now long gone. It is a wholesome, colorful world with a Huck Finn charm to it.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2013
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Thank you very much for reading and your comments. I agree that part of America has in fact died. My own children don't have the memories that I have. Of course, no video games in my day! Regards, Bill
Comment from Sasha
This is marvelous. I always look forward to your posts. This was no disappointment. I enjoyed this story very much and especially loved the lesson they all learned. Excellent work with this one.
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2013
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This is marvelous. I always look forward to your posts. This was no disappointment. I enjoyed this story very much and especially loved the lesson they all learned. Excellent work with this one.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2013
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I always enjoy kind words, but when they come from a writer I admire, always special! Bill
Comment from humpwhistle
Nice closing sentiment. I'm very fond of Virge, and I think you're turning him into some kind of symbol of enlightenment. When this chapter started I was afraid Erin was going to have some carry-over predjudice. I guess I just expect that to show up sooner or later. Must be my upbringing.
Peace, Lee
It's a good day when you find one arrowhead. We found two.--Yeah, Bill. I like this.
I'm sure I'd'a called you Brer Rabbit.
The guest room isn't used to often--maybe 'wasn't used too often' would be better?
I never yell at Virge, but I did this time--tense shift.
weird
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2013
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Nice closing sentiment. I'm very fond of Virge, and I think you're turning him into some kind of symbol of enlightenment. When this chapter started I was afraid Erin was going to have some carry-over predjudice. I guess I just expect that to show up sooner or later. Must be my upbringing.
Peace, Lee
It's a good day when you find one arrowhead. We found two.--Yeah, Bill. I like this.
I'm sure I'd'a called you Brer Rabbit.
The guest room isn't used to often--maybe 'wasn't used too often' would be better?
I never yell at Virge, but I did this time--tense shift.
weird
Comment Written 25-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2013
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Thanks for reading Lee and for the spots. I appreciate your willingness to help. Regards, Bill
