Rabbit
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "The Adventure Begins"A Boy's Story of the rural South
28 total reviews
Comment from Shirley B
Oh Bill this chapter is great. It is filled with wonderful imagery. I have a feeling you might have embellished the truth a little, but I bet this is a true story. I am looking forward to the next chapter, Shirley
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2013
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Oh Bill this chapter is great. It is filled with wonderful imagery. I have a feeling you might have embellished the truth a little, but I bet this is a true story. I am looking forward to the next chapter, Shirley
Comment Written 08-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2013
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Hi Shirley - I don't know if you read humpwhistle, but he actually calls this type of writing "humpwhistling". A bit of truth filled in with lies. I'm glad you enjoyed. Bill
Comment from adewpearl
Giving an obligatory sniffle, I - add comma
I love how you have to feign sadness at the farewell LOL
I love the accident while watching the fight and the local news headline
I did say that, Rabbit - add the comma
I am laughing myself silly over the watermelon stealing scene
this contrasts so well with the poignant scene in which the narrator learns about slavery for the first time I love his sense of justice!
Brooke
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2013
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Giving an obligatory sniffle, I - add comma
I love how you have to feign sadness at the farewell LOL
I love the accident while watching the fight and the local news headline
I did say that, Rabbit - add the comma
I am laughing myself silly over the watermelon stealing scene
this contrasts so well with the poignant scene in which the narrator learns about slavery for the first time I love his sense of justice!
Brooke
Comment Written 08-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2013
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Thanks Brooke - I always appreciate you reading my posts and your generous help! Warm regards, Bill
Comment from Sasha
I enjoyed this very much. Marvelous descriptions, strong emotion and terrific imagery too. Great work on this chapter. I anxiously look forward to the next chapter.
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2013
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I enjoyed this very much. Marvelous descriptions, strong emotion and terrific imagery too. Great work on this chapter. I anxiously look forward to the next chapter.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2013
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Thanks for reading. I'm polishing the next chapter up and have to earn a few more FS bucks and I'll post. I appreciate your support. Bill
Comment from VicToria76
I find it so hard to write in first person but you have made it seem so easy. Just enough dialogue to keep the story moving along. Well done.
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2013
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I find it so hard to write in first person but you have made it seem so easy. Just enough dialogue to keep the story moving along. Well done.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2013
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Thanks for reading and your kind words. It has been a struggle on first person, especially when that person is nine! Regards, Bill
Comment from Twilightspire
Excellent story. The dialogue was perfect, I love the idiom you chose for it. The setting was wonderfully rendered and the characterization was tight (Especially Grandpa's boxing days). Overall I really liked the story. I read the first chapter, but chose to wait until you had something else up to review it. I'll go back and do that here in a sec.
The only thing I thought I should point out was the tense change. At the beginning of the story, you used a few present tense words:
"I get a big hug from my mother..." for instance. Just make sure you keep the whole story either in the present or the past tense so as not to confuse your audience.
Good job, and keep at it.
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2013
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Excellent story. The dialogue was perfect, I love the idiom you chose for it. The setting was wonderfully rendered and the characterization was tight (Especially Grandpa's boxing days). Overall I really liked the story. I read the first chapter, but chose to wait until you had something else up to review it. I'll go back and do that here in a sec.
The only thing I thought I should point out was the tense change. At the beginning of the story, you used a few present tense words:
"I get a big hug from my mother..." for instance. Just make sure you keep the whole story either in the present or the past tense so as not to confuse your audience.
Good job, and keep at it.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2013
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Hi - thanks for reading and the spot. I did circle back around and make that correction. Bill
Comment from c_lucas
It's funier than the first time I read it about a year ago. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2013
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It's funier than the first time I read it about a year ago. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2013
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Thanks Charlie - I'm embellishing and adding to some previous stand alone stories. Have changed to fiction as I'm "humpwhistling" the truth. I appreciate your support! Bill
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I don't hear Lee complaining, Bill. Keep up the good work, Bill. Charlie
Comment from Rondeno
What a charming story! It carries echoes of Mark Twain and Harper Lee, but stands as a morality tale with its own "feel" an its own atmosphere.
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2013
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What a charming story! It carries echoes of Mark Twain and Harper Lee, but stands as a morality tale with its own "feel" an its own atmosphere.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2013
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Thanks for reading! Chapter 1 is still out there with some pretty good points with it. Regards, Bill
Comment from RaymondJohn
Have you read Rabbit Run? You have captured the mind an d voice of a seven or eight-year-old very well. I never had a chance to spend much time with my grandmother because she lived so far away. Excellent graphic. Ray.
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reply by the author on 08-Jan-2013
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Have you read Rabbit Run? You have captured the mind an d voice of a seven or eight-year-old very well. I never had a chance to spend much time with my grandmother because she lived so far away. Excellent graphic. Ray.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2013
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Thanks Raymond. I believe that I have read Rabbit Run because the name is so familiar to me. You know, when those brain cells start dying .... Bill
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Ray - if you have a few minutes, chapter 1 is still out there with some pretty good points on it.
