When You Least Expect It...
A family vacation interrupted34 total reviews
Comment from Cadienna28
Wow! What a story! Well told, too! Glad your family is safe. The story is real, right? It sounds like a genuine voice, so I'm assuming that it is.
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2012
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Wow! What a story! Well told, too! Glad your family is safe. The story is real, right? It sounds like a genuine voice, so I'm assuming that it is.
Comment Written 02-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2012
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Thank you so much for the review and comments. I'm flattered that you assumed it was real but I have it listed as mystery and crime fiction. I'm thankful this didn't happen to me but I think something like this could happen.
Beth
Comment from CALLAHANMR
Hi Beth:)
At first reading, I missed the category 'Mystery and Crime Fiction' so you had me ready to look for your story in the newspaper. Such sinister activities have taken place near my family. My son worked near the Federal Courthouse in Oklahoma City when Timothy McVeigh struck so I am sensitive to such activities.
This was quite well written and certainly was suited to the contest. I hope you do well in the contest.
Roger
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2012
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Hi Beth:)
At first reading, I missed the category 'Mystery and Crime Fiction' so you had me ready to look for your story in the newspaper. Such sinister activities have taken place near my family. My son worked near the Federal Courthouse in Oklahoma City when Timothy McVeigh struck so I am sensitive to such activities.
This was quite well written and certainly was suited to the contest. I hope you do well in the contest.
Roger
Comment Written 02-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2012
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Thank you so much for the six star rating. I'm glad this didn't really happen, but I think something like this could happen. We're always hearing about terrorist plots that were foiled. I can't understand how people can kill other innocent people. I really appreciate your review and comments.
Beth
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We actually did have a weapons stash on a farm near Houston. The ATF found the weapons after a tip. This was about two years ago.
The weapons belonged to a paramilitary group operating in East Texas.
Roger
Comment from Gungalo
Gosh this would be scary if it were for real. At least they were caught and your son will finish his stay. A mind bending story to say the least.
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2012
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Gosh this would be scary if it were for real. At least they were caught and your son will finish his stay. A mind bending story to say the least.
Comment Written 02-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2012
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Thank you Gungalo, I appreciate the review and comments. It is fiction and I'm thankful for that, but it could happen, I think.
Beth
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Oh yeah Beth.
Comment from Topher Phaestus
As long as there are no ticking bombs or dead bodies, we'll mind our own business. <--- I really like that bit of foreshadowing.
This is a really well-written piece. I almost think it would be more interesting if it weren't al-Qaeda though. I think it would keep the same terror if it were a local terrorist, like Timothy McVeigh and it would keep the piece from sounding dated when al-Qaeda is no longer a threat.
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2012
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As long as there are no ticking bombs or dead bodies, we'll mind our own business. <--- I really like that bit of foreshadowing.
This is a really well-written piece. I almost think it would be more interesting if it weren't al-Qaeda though. I think it would keep the same terror if it were a local terrorist, like Timothy McVeigh and it would keep the piece from sounding dated when al-Qaeda is no longer a threat.
Comment Written 01-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2012
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Thank you so much for the review and comments. Your suggestion about not using al-Qaeda is a good one, and I'm going to consider changing it. I do hope a day will come when al-Qaeda is no longer a threat.
Beth
Comment from suneagle
Good story, competently told. I've noted some minor things for you to consider:
We were desperate because we'd failed to book early, and this was the last time this summer we'd be together as a family.
(The repetition of "this" is a bit of a stumble to a discerning reader. I suggest substituting "it" in the first instance: ... and it was the last time this summer...)
My [twelve-year-old] twins, Michael and Mindy,
we'll do [so] from the window.
According to the reports, a homegrown terrorist with connections to al-Qaeda was killed and another was wounded and taken into [] custody.
(Superfluous word "to" deleted.)
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2012
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Good story, competently told. I've noted some minor things for you to consider:
We were desperate because we'd failed to book early, and this was the last time this summer we'd be together as a family.
(The repetition of "this" is a bit of a stumble to a discerning reader. I suggest substituting "it" in the first instance: ... and it was the last time this summer...)
My [twelve-year-old] twins, Michael and Mindy,
we'll do [so] from the window.
According to the reports, a homegrown terrorist with connections to al-Qaeda was killed and another was wounded and taken into [] custody.
(Superfluous word "to" deleted.)
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 01-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2012
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Thank you so much for the help with catching spags and suggesting minor changes. I value your opinion and I really appreciate you taking the time to show me ways to impove the story. I'm pleased you find the story competently told.
Beth
Comment from Belinda
Hi, Beth,what an exciting and interesting story. Everything happens for a reason, I'm sure. If the narrator's son hadn't broken the window with his slingshot, can't imagine what will happen, not only to them... Good job with this crime fiction!
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2012
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Hi, Beth,what an exciting and interesting story. Everything happens for a reason, I'm sure. If the narrator's son hadn't broken the window with his slingshot, can't imagine what will happen, not only to them... Good job with this crime fiction!
Comment Written 01-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2012
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Thank you Belinda. I really appreciate the review and comment. Smiles,
Beth
Comment from adewpearl
Boy, that is far too much vacation excitement for me! I'd be happy to be home too :-) A really dramatic ending to your well-told story :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2012
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Boy, that is far too much vacation excitement for me! I'd be happy to be home too :-) A really dramatic ending to your well-told story :-) Brooke
Comment Written 01-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2012
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Thank you Brooke, I appreciate the review and comments. I'm glad it's only fiction. I don't need that kind of vacation.
Beth
Comment from Fluffyhead
Did this really happen ? That is absolutely crazy but a great story.Love he detail and how the story flows. Can see this all in my head
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2012
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Did this really happen ? That is absolutely crazy but a great story.Love he detail and how the story flows. Can see this all in my head
Comment Written 01-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2012
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Thank you so much for the review and comments. You're the second person to ask if it really happened. No, it is fiction for I'm flattered that you think it sounded real. LOL
Beth
Comment from saychirah
A good piece. It has a great flow of words accompanied with a nice pattern and an interesting plot which makes it an easy read. Is it fiction? G'luck!
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2012
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A good piece. It has a great flow of words accompanied with a nice pattern and an interesting plot which makes it an easy read. Is it fiction? G'luck!
Comment Written 01-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2012
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Thank you so much for the review and comments. Yes it is fiction. I find it flattering that you think it might be true. LOL
Beth
Comment from Deniz22
I'm truly sorry to say your story is wonderful because I'm entered in this contest as well. I can feel the prize slipping from my hands and into yours Now; if I only had some dynamite ... Just kidding! Sincerely, wonderful job. Your tale flows steadily along, swiftly enough to keep interest but with enough details to intrigue the reader. I hate you! :)
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2012
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I'm truly sorry to say your story is wonderful because I'm entered in this contest as well. I can feel the prize slipping from my hands and into yours Now; if I only had some dynamite ... Just kidding! Sincerely, wonderful job. Your tale flows steadily along, swiftly enough to keep interest but with enough details to intrigue the reader. I hate you! :)
Comment Written 01-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2012
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Thank you for the review and comments. I'm glad you're kidding and don't really hate me. I looked in your portfolio for your story and didn't find it but I did see where you won a contest recently so I'll bet you have a good one.
Beth
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Yes, I appologize if I gave you cause for anxiety. I thought after I sent it that my choice of words might not be appropriate for a new acquaintance. Actually, there might be a goof up on my part because one place tells me I entered it and then I hear this from you ... hope I got it in there! Expect to see you as the winner anyway! :)
God bless, Dennis
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No need to appologize. I knew you were joking. I appreciate your saying my story could win. I don't expect it to but it's a nice thought.
Beth