The Ripple Effect
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "A Childhood of Dreams"A couple's tour about England takes many turns....
23 total reviews
Comment from Duane Simolke
>shouts the puppets lines as his childhood continues.
"Watch out pirates!"
The serpent dives under the water and surfaces again. "Help, help pirates"
A lot of missing punctuation in those lines, and maybe a few other places.
Could you repost this, maybe with a different font. It's very hard to read, the way it requires scrolling the screen back and forth, and the way it actually goes across the spiral. Still, it's an entertaining chapter and very promising for chapters ahed.
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>shouts the puppets lines as his childhood continues.
"Watch out pirates!"
The serpent dives under the water and surfaces again. "Help, help pirates"
A lot of missing punctuation in those lines, and maybe a few other places.
Could you repost this, maybe with a different font. It's very hard to read, the way it requires scrolling the screen back and forth, and the way it actually goes across the spiral. Still, it's an entertaining chapter and very promising for chapters ahed.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2005
Comment from Sallyo
The problem with the screen makes this very difficult to read. As with the prologue, the tenses slide about and the punctuation is missing - especially possessive apostrophes. The premise does look promising, but I think this needs some more work.
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The problem with the screen makes this very difficult to read. As with the prologue, the tenses slide about and the punctuation is missing - especially possessive apostrophes. The premise does look promising, but I think this needs some more work.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2005
Comment from Sheik S. Peer
Something is wrong with the formatting of this. It is also really short to consider a chapter. You have mad a great beginning with your character Mccail. but I beleive there is more work to do with this one
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
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Something is wrong with the formatting of this. It is also really short to consider a chapter. You have mad a great beginning with your character Mccail. but I beleive there is more work to do with this one
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2005