All Those Puzzling Pieces
Viewing comments for Chapter 22 "Butterfly in a Box"What makes a life? How do the pieces fit?
116 total reviews
Comment from Gloria ....
Deliciously dark free form visionary. It is easy to feel the anger turning to rage and finally into action. Your choice of the word "mutating" rather than evolving exemplifies clearly that the butterfly hasn't merely changed but has powerfully mutated from the sweet, innocent creature of light it once was. Being trapped inside a box will do that.
Very, very good write.
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2012
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Deliciously dark free form visionary. It is easy to feel the anger turning to rage and finally into action. Your choice of the word "mutating" rather than evolving exemplifies clearly that the butterfly hasn't merely changed but has powerfully mutated from the sweet, innocent creature of light it once was. Being trapped inside a box will do that.
Very, very good write.
Comment Written 18-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2012
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oh yeah - grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! thx emmex!
Comment from missy98writer
Visionary1234,
Your poem is extremely well written with dark imagery.
The art work you used is amazing.
You used excellent metaphors.
You used great alliteration.
Your last stanza is the narrator is making her tormentor her prey:
Best jump into your own silly movie
and reverse your life light thievery
because,
while you were drooling
over the possibility
of butterfly dessert,
this butterfly has been thinking
that you'd make the perfect appetizer
I'd recommend your dark free verse to other reviewers.
Melissa.
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2012
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Visionary1234,
Your poem is extremely well written with dark imagery.
The art work you used is amazing.
You used excellent metaphors.
You used great alliteration.
Your last stanza is the narrator is making her tormentor her prey:
Best jump into your own silly movie
and reverse your life light thievery
because,
while you were drooling
over the possibility
of butterfly dessert,
this butterfly has been thinking
that you'd make the perfect appetizer
I'd recommend your dark free verse to other reviewers.
Melissa.
Comment Written 18-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2012
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thx Melissa!
Comment from Ricky1024
Adjective Content-*****
This category is for painting the picture.
The words are the paint and the picture is the subject.
the feeling factors are wonderful but other then that, *improvement is needed.
Flow-******
Discernible, and ravenous.
Grammar-*****
No apparent errors, good!
Pronunciation-******
Excellent.
Pronounceable-*
As mentioned above.
Objective Content-******
Based on a scale of 1-100 in the category
of self-relieve and adjusting for many other factors,
you receive a 98.
Complete Synopsis-*****
No man should abuse.
As a LatterDay Saint Priest of the Church of Jesus Christ
this is a plus for the all woman-kind.
Thanks, Ricky1024.
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2012
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Adjective Content-*****
This category is for painting the picture.
The words are the paint and the picture is the subject.
the feeling factors are wonderful but other then that, *improvement is needed.
Flow-******
Discernible, and ravenous.
Grammar-*****
No apparent errors, good!
Pronunciation-******
Excellent.
Pronounceable-*
As mentioned above.
Objective Content-******
Based on a scale of 1-100 in the category
of self-relieve and adjusting for many other factors,
you receive a 98.
Complete Synopsis-*****
No man should abuse.
As a LatterDay Saint Priest of the Church of Jesus Christ
this is a plus for the all woman-kind.
Thanks, Ricky1024.
Comment Written 18-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2012
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good Lord! thx Ricky!
Comment from Gungalo
LOL and here all this time I thought you were goig to fly away when the box was opened. Well believe you me, I would and leave him to his cardboard box.
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2012
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LOL and here all this time I thought you were goig to fly away when the box was opened. Well believe you me, I would and leave him to his cardboard box.
Comment Written 18-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2012
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thx Gungalo!
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Smiles V.
Comment from rjuselius
i enjoyed the idea of this piece of poetry! letting someone close and getting burned. parasites live in an abundance sorry to say and if you meet someone like that, just walk away.
thank you for sharing!
rebekka x
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2012
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i enjoyed the idea of this piece of poetry! letting someone close and getting burned. parasites live in an abundance sorry to say and if you meet someone like that, just walk away.
thank you for sharing!
rebekka x
Comment Written 18-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2012
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thx Rebekka!
Comment from tallahasseesmiles
This is only the second poem I really did not understand the meaning, but enjoyed the rythm, the words. I hope one day that I can write this good, please keep up the good work. How can someone like me give you any advice. I would not change a think.
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2012
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This is only the second poem I really did not understand the meaning, but enjoyed the rythm, the words. I hope one day that I can write this good, please keep up the good work. How can someone like me give you any advice. I would not change a think.
Comment Written 18-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2012
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thx t!
Comment from Just2Write
Ooo. This poem is full with dark and full light at the same time.
The butterfly analagy carries well throughout the entire poem. [except the butterfly is in a cardboard box and the graphic is one is a glass box] (small nit - but it threw me a bit) That's okay though because I had to go back and re-read the poem a couple of times. You paint the evilness of the butterfly catcher well. I wanted to punch him out.
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2012
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Ooo. This poem is full with dark and full light at the same time.
The butterfly analagy carries well throughout the entire poem. [except the butterfly is in a cardboard box and the graphic is one is a glass box] (small nit - but it threw me a bit) That's okay though because I had to go back and re-read the poem a couple of times. You paint the evilness of the butterfly catcher well. I wanted to punch him out.
Comment Written 18-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2012
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aaah but if I show a cardboard box you won't see anything dear !! think of it as going through an x-ray machine at the airport!!! :)
Comment from Jendowoz
This is excellent, and the deepest feelings of restriction and confines of an unhappy relationship. I love the end where the victim breaks out of that at the end. These feelings are brought out so well. I bet a lot of people can relate to this one, visionary Brilliant!
Regards, Jen
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2012
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This is excellent, and the deepest feelings of restriction and confines of an unhappy relationship. I love the end where the victim breaks out of that at the end. These feelings are brought out so well. I bet a lot of people can relate to this one, visionary Brilliant!
Regards, Jen
Comment Written 18-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2012
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thx Jen, and a special thank you for the big '6' my dear!!! and yes, a LOT of people can relate to this one, I've found ... :) Sharyn
Comment from Ralph Miller
Wow! That's quite something. Don't mess with me verse. Bout to get up and at it here. Thunderstorms forcast, so I'll make the most of the day before it happens. George Little may well be retired; t'was 15 years or so we watched him do his one man show here. His daughter, Tasmin Little is now a violinist of some international fame. Her uncle and our friend here, single, with a motor bike in the lounge room, grew up in Strattford on Avon and acted there as a kid. There's a book in him alone.
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2012
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Wow! That's quite something. Don't mess with me verse. Bout to get up and at it here. Thunderstorms forcast, so I'll make the most of the day before it happens. George Little may well be retired; t'was 15 years or so we watched him do his one man show here. His daughter, Tasmin Little is now a violinist of some international fame. Her uncle and our friend here, single, with a motor bike in the lounge room, grew up in Strattford on Avon and acted there as a kid. There's a book in him alone.
Comment Written 18-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2012
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Grrrr! got it Ralph - thanks! might like him up ... sounds intriguing!
Comment from Spitfire
Creepy! This captor sounds like a psychopath with control issues. The captive, so innocent at the start. She's easy prey, for sure.Good metaphor with butterfly and crow.
I've been feeding on the light
blood and vitality are flowing again
This makes me wonder if she'll turn out to be a worse creature than he!
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2012
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Creepy! This captor sounds like a psychopath with control issues. The captive, so innocent at the start. She's easy prey, for sure.Good metaphor with butterfly and crow.
I've been feeding on the light
blood and vitality are flowing again
This makes me wonder if she'll turn out to be a worse creature than he!
Comment Written 18-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2012
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hey spits - rest easy, she knows about power and control, no worries ...