Who?
Food for thought, despite life's trials39 total reviews
Comment from Joe Hudson
Amazing. You kept the imagery moving and the entire piece was very thought provoking. A great bit of work. There is a lot of depth here that bears re-reading. I have read it three times and it's like adding a layer upon layer of understanding. Great job!
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2012
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Amazing. You kept the imagery moving and the entire piece was very thought provoking. A great bit of work. There is a lot of depth here that bears re-reading. I have read it three times and it's like adding a layer upon layer of understanding. Great job!
Comment Written 12-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2012
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Waterman, and again. I have no words to express my gratitude properly. Thank you ever so much for your continued support of my work... jimi
Comment from fdgsr
You capture the essence of Truth as the CREATOR of all that works and the denier of all that does not. You brought the moisture to my eyes with this multi-moment of Truth. Now to get the essence of what I am saying, just take any stanza and put the word TRUTH in place of Who. Now either mentally or actually do the same with the entire work. Do it with any religious writing where the name God is used, or its equivalent in any language. "In the beginning TRUTH created Heaven and Earth." Over time TRUTH created and perfected all that is. Yet we have detected the mistakes that fell over time. Dinosaurs, Plesiosaurs, and all other extinct forms that fell because they could not cope with factual conditions. If man cannot cope with global warming or the next meteorite impact, he will perish and be the subject of future species' geology. TRUTH propagates success and allows failed forms to fall by their own defects.
"TRUTH gave me the insight to share this with you
It's neither a riddle, nor a puzzle, to answer: TRUTH?" I gladly offer you a 6 for this.
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2012
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You capture the essence of Truth as the CREATOR of all that works and the denier of all that does not. You brought the moisture to my eyes with this multi-moment of Truth. Now to get the essence of what I am saying, just take any stanza and put the word TRUTH in place of Who. Now either mentally or actually do the same with the entire work. Do it with any religious writing where the name God is used, or its equivalent in any language. "In the beginning TRUTH created Heaven and Earth." Over time TRUTH created and perfected all that is. Yet we have detected the mistakes that fell over time. Dinosaurs, Plesiosaurs, and all other extinct forms that fell because they could not cope with factual conditions. If man cannot cope with global warming or the next meteorite impact, he will perish and be the subject of future species' geology. TRUTH propagates success and allows failed forms to fall by their own defects.
"TRUTH gave me the insight to share this with you
It's neither a riddle, nor a puzzle, to answer: TRUTH?" I gladly offer you a 6 for this.
Comment Written 12-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2012
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fdsgr, and again. I have no words to express my gratitude properly. Thank you ever so much for your continued support of my work... jimi
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello to you and smiles jlsavell
I love your questions done in your smooth rhyme and smooth meter
It's the same person who I ask-
Whom do I heed
When I'm in need?
Who will swipe away
All doubts that dismay?
It's you no other I see
it's You my Lord, you set me free.
(when I'm in need)
Gert
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2012
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Hello to you and smiles jlsavell
I love your questions done in your smooth rhyme and smooth meter
It's the same person who I ask-
Whom do I heed
When I'm in need?
Who will swipe away
All doubts that dismay?
It's you no other I see
it's You my Lord, you set me free.
(when I'm in need)
Gert
Comment Written 12-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2012
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Gert, and again. I have no words to express my gratitude properly. Thank you ever so much for your continued support of my work... jimi
I love your response, did you create.. if so you should post!!!
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You are welcome.
Yes I did it's a part from one of my poems I wrote here on Fanstory.
smiles
Gert
Comment from Gungalo
Who gave me the insight to share this with you
It's neither a riddle, nor a puzzle, to answer: Who?
Gee girl, I don't know. Who? Could it be God you are looking for in this write? I'll just bet it is. Loved this:
Who dressed the landscape in its rich wardrobe
With textures and heights that vary in style
And decided its fabric would be a living lode
As its cycle would change in each season's while
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2012
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Who gave me the insight to share this with you
It's neither a riddle, nor a puzzle, to answer: Who?
Gee girl, I don't know. Who? Could it be God you are looking for in this write? I'll just bet it is. Loved this:
Who dressed the landscape in its rich wardrobe
With textures and heights that vary in style
And decided its fabric would be a living lode
As its cycle would change in each season's while
Comment Written 12-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2012
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And again a sincere and heartfelt thank you!!! jimi
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Smile.
Comment from Wes Guptill
This was marvelous piece of work, my friend. It is intelligent, thought-provoking, and florid. The language was patently original and smooth. With your structure, the imagery kept me moving, changing my perspective over and over, taking me from the microcosm of the spider's web, to the long ambling journey of the mighty elephant, out and up over the land and seas, then thrusting me into the heavens. It was a splendid ride, indeed, and all the while I mulled over your question of "Who?".
Excellent work.
Salud!
Wes
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2012
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This was marvelous piece of work, my friend. It is intelligent, thought-provoking, and florid. The language was patently original and smooth. With your structure, the imagery kept me moving, changing my perspective over and over, taking me from the microcosm of the spider's web, to the long ambling journey of the mighty elephant, out and up over the land and seas, then thrusting me into the heavens. It was a splendid ride, indeed, and all the while I mulled over your question of "Who?".
Excellent work.
Salud!
Wes
Comment Written 12-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2012
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Wes Guptil, a big and sincere thank you for your review. I apologize for just returning a thank you, but today is the only day I have to answer reviews and to review. Again thank you ever so much... jimi
Comment from Maureen's Pen
This is a well penned write Jimi. I liked the rhythm and rhyme in this work as well as you ability to pull me into reflecting over your words.
Thanks for sharing and excellent work.
Maureen
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2012
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This is a well penned write Jimi. I liked the rhythm and rhyme in this work as well as you ability to pull me into reflecting over your words.
Thanks for sharing and excellent work.
Maureen
Comment Written 12-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2012
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Maureen, once again a big big thank you!!!! jimi
Comment from Julie G
In spite of the six, which this richly deserves, I wonder about the last line. Do you mean "Is it neither a riddle nor a puzzle to answer Who? Or, is there some other way of making it a question? "It's (or It is) neither a riddle, nor a puzzle, to answer Who?" is not really a question. So-- you have made a riddle for me. Does this line need a tweak or two for clarity?
Lovely stanzas that could stand alone each one from the other as a kind of guide to daily living.
Julie G
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2012
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In spite of the six, which this richly deserves, I wonder about the last line. Do you mean "Is it neither a riddle nor a puzzle to answer Who? Or, is there some other way of making it a question? "It's (or It is) neither a riddle, nor a puzzle, to answer Who?" is not really a question. So-- you have made a riddle for me. Does this line need a tweak or two for clarity?
Lovely stanzas that could stand alone each one from the other as a kind of guide to daily living.
Julie G
Comment Written 12-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2012
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Hello, Julie G, thank you ever so much. I meant to delete the question mark at the end but had to leave briefly. I am so very honored that you read my work and rate it so highly. I appreciate your imput and take to heart your suggestions..again thank you ever so much.. jlsavell
Comment from Earl of Oxford
I can't afford a lawyer to 'sue' you, Jimi, LOL.
You're sure never short of a few words, though they're always worth reading :-)
Maybe 'heaven' should be capitalised?
Some wonderful questions here, and a cynic or objective realistmay answer...'evolution', though nature doesn't evolve as far as I know, so that answer wouldn't hold water in relation to ALL the wonders you mention.
Some top rhymes, including a couple of 'slant rhymes' rather that perfect forced ones.
The only reason I don't 'sixer' this is because of lack of flow in parts due to non-application of poetic meter. That usually completely spoils a read for me, but in this exceptional case, it didn't, and I thoroughly enjoyed every word.
Best wishes, Ray
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2012
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I can't afford a lawyer to 'sue' you, Jimi, LOL.
You're sure never short of a few words, though they're always worth reading :-)
Maybe 'heaven' should be capitalised?
Some wonderful questions here, and a cynic or objective realistmay answer...'evolution', though nature doesn't evolve as far as I know, so that answer wouldn't hold water in relation to ALL the wonders you mention.
Some top rhymes, including a couple of 'slant rhymes' rather that perfect forced ones.
The only reason I don't 'sixer' this is because of lack of flow in parts due to non-application of poetic meter. That usually completely spoils a read for me, but in this exceptional case, it didn't, and I thoroughly enjoyed every word.
Best wishes, Ray
Comment Written 12-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2012
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To you sweet Ray, thank you. I agree, totally, but you know I am absolutely metered challenged. It just escapres my brain. I have read and studied it till it spills from my brain, but I cannot get it. Maybe one day when I grow up, the light bulb will go off.. lol.. I appreciate you so very much.. and please if you have time and have any suggestions, I am open to them.. hope you know that.. again thank you.. jimi
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Thanks for your fun and gracious reply, Jimi.
I guess some people just don't have that meter drum-beat in their head.
When I write in meter, I nod my head to alternating emphasised syllables, which helps a lot.
xx
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lol.. I have tried that.. what is wrong with me??? lol..I know, I know, not much imho, but just this small fault... hehehehe
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You have at least humour, expressiveness and intelligence, Jimi. These attributes aren't always found in metered poetry. LOL xx
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thank you for saving my dignity!!!!! I'll take that excuse and run with it. I always wondered why I could never get the grasp of learning a musical instrument, hey but I can tell you all about physics and formulations, does that count?
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I just re-checked your poem, Jimi, and there are in fact many well-metered lines, but here's one that's not, but so easily fixed. Just delete the 'a', and you're left with a perfectly metered line. Emphasised alternate syllables are capitalised:
['Who-FILLED-the-LUNGS-for-NEW-birthâ??s-CRY']
See... easy-peasy. xx
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I dunno whar 'evil Eddie' did there, but here's another go:
['Who-FILLED-the-LUNGS-for-NEW-birth's-CRY']
Comment from Joan E.
I almost always write poetry without punctuation--so, I salute you! I admired your thought-provoking reflections in rhyming quatrains. I enjoyed your repeated "who" questions for emphasis, along with your metaphors and simile. Well done! -Joan
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2012
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I almost always write poetry without punctuation--so, I salute you! I admired your thought-provoking reflections in rhyming quatrains. I enjoyed your repeated "who" questions for emphasis, along with your metaphors and simile. Well done! -Joan
Comment Written 12-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2012
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Joan E. thank you ever so much for stopping by to read and review my work. I do wish I had more time on this site, but today I have set aside time to answer reviews and to review. Again thank you ever so much.. jimi
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Thank you for checking in--I leave for vacation tomorrow and will return Oct. 7. I hope to connect to the internet when its available. Enjoy the fall- Joan
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you have a great vacation.. it is wonderful to do things this time of year.. enjoy!!
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Yes, hopefully the weather will be good. Enjoy the coming fall days- Joan
Comment from rama devi
Outstanding write, my friend. Elegant, eloquent and finely conceived. Love your choice to avoid punctuation and just use the one ? mark at the end., but found it odd that it was not actually a question, but a statement. This would be more smoothly understood if you use a colon there too:
It's neither a riddle, nor a puzzle, to answer: Who?
Just a thought--and my only suggestion--this piece is a sixer in spite of that.
Extremely appealing presentation with chosen artwork and color scheme.
The theme and subject is inspired and delivered with richly nuanced imagery. The tone and tenor of this work is elevating.
The phrasing is delicious and rolls off the tongue, musically enriched by nuances of poetic devices and masterful use of enjambement. Fluid and tight at the same time. Impressive.
Favorite stanzas:
Who poured the seas in vessels strong
With life teaming in fathom's deep
Who drew the line where shores belong
Where far rolling waves should only creep
Who painted the sunset in gilded hues
And commanded the seas to ebb and flow
In syncopated time, like dancing shoes
As man stands in awe of twilight's show
Who calibrated the expanse of heaven's sphere
A precision so precise, its genius plan
That stars and planets all adhere
To their order in the universal span
Thanks for this lovely work, Jimi. The Divine One guided your pen
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2012
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Outstanding write, my friend. Elegant, eloquent and finely conceived. Love your choice to avoid punctuation and just use the one ? mark at the end., but found it odd that it was not actually a question, but a statement. This would be more smoothly understood if you use a colon there too:
It's neither a riddle, nor a puzzle, to answer: Who?
Just a thought--and my only suggestion--this piece is a sixer in spite of that.
Extremely appealing presentation with chosen artwork and color scheme.
The theme and subject is inspired and delivered with richly nuanced imagery. The tone and tenor of this work is elevating.
The phrasing is delicious and rolls off the tongue, musically enriched by nuances of poetic devices and masterful use of enjambement. Fluid and tight at the same time. Impressive.
Favorite stanzas:
Who poured the seas in vessels strong
With life teaming in fathom's deep
Who drew the line where shores belong
Where far rolling waves should only creep
Who painted the sunset in gilded hues
And commanded the seas to ebb and flow
In syncopated time, like dancing shoes
As man stands in awe of twilight's show
Who calibrated the expanse of heaven's sphere
A precision so precise, its genius plan
That stars and planets all adhere
To their order in the universal span
Thanks for this lovely work, Jimi. The Divine One guided your pen
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 12-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2012
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rama devi, thank you so much for this beautiful review. I am humbled my friend..For I know you are a tough and thorough reviewer. I apologize for just answering. Today I have set aside time to answer my long overdue reviews and to review. again thank you so very very much!!! jimi
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Most welcome. Jimi! :-)
