The Heir Apparent
Viewing comments for Chapter 17 "Unexpected Guests"A family learns their father is a serial killer
27 total reviews
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Once again you have done a good job with this post. I wish I could come up with something different to say, but it seems I write the same thing to you for every review.
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2012
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Once again you have done a good job with this post. I wish I could come up with something different to say, but it seems I write the same thing to you for every review.
Comment Written 27-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2012
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Repetition is perfectly acceptable...as long as it is positive...lol
Comment from axelbeariter
The quiet, soft spoken mother I previously knew had change considerably in the span of a single week./change should read changed----This was another great write. You sure have a firm handle on how different people are likely to react in a situation like this. Bravo!
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2012
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The quiet, soft spoken mother I previously knew had change considerably in the span of a single week./change should read changed----This was another great write. You sure have a firm handle on how different people are likely to react in a situation like this. Bravo!
Comment Written 27-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2012
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Thanks for catching the spag. I am pleased you still like this.
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Still like it? This is full of one of the most authentic character sketches I've ever read.
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Thanks. That is a very nice thing to say and something all writer want to hear.
Comment from Belinda
Hi, Sasha. Mom shows a lot of surprises in this chapter, from the meek woman to the brave one, and then terrified. I'm glad with the presence of Aunt Emily and Uncle Terry. Seems that the next chapter is so promising with unexpected happenings...:)
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2012
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Hi, Sasha. Mom shows a lot of surprises in this chapter, from the meek woman to the brave one, and then terrified. I'm glad with the presence of Aunt Emily and Uncle Terry. Seems that the next chapter is so promising with unexpected happenings...:)
Comment Written 27-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2012
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Yes, everyone has had a breakdown...maybe it's time for James to have one.
Comment from c_lucas
Your District Attorney doesn't want a political career. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for an interesting read.
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2012
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Your District Attorney doesn't want a political career. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for an interesting read.
Comment Written 27-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2012
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Apparently not. Glad you liked this one.
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YOu're welcome, Sasha. Charlie
Comment from Devados
Smurphgirl, Very good write! It holds topgether very well. For new readers at ch.18 your characters blend in well and leave little to identify. I want to read your previous work and fan you. Thanks much. I appreciate your skill and ability. Is it appropriate to ask you to read my short story "The Ellusive Cadaver?" I appreciate your feedback Thanks so much.
Devados.
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2012
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Smurphgirl, Very good write! It holds topgether very well. For new readers at ch.18 your characters blend in well and leave little to identify. I want to read your previous work and fan you. Thanks much. I appreciate your skill and ability. Is it appropriate to ask you to read my short story "The Ellusive Cadaver?" I appreciate your feedback Thanks so much.
Devados.
Comment Written 27-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2012
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I am so pleased you liked this especially knowing you are comming in in the middle. I would be more than happy to read your story. Thanks so much for the awesome 6 stars.
Comment from robyn corum
Sounds like an intriguing plot. I would be interested to read more when I run across it. Here are some things I noticed:
horrified over what Johns has done. -> Johns? plural?
deems appropriate for our father -> your father?
we owe that much to the victim's -> no 's'
"Angry, Mom stomped her foot -> no quotation mark
Both Aunt Em an(d) Uncle Terry wanted to go
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reply by the author on 27-Feb-2012
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Sounds like an intriguing plot. I would be interested to read more when I run across it. Here are some things I noticed:
horrified over what Johns has done. -> Johns? plural?
deems appropriate for our father -> your father?
we owe that much to the victim's -> no 's'
"Angry, Mom stomped her foot -> no quotation mark
Both Aunt Em an(d) Uncle Terry wanted to go
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2012
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Thanks for catching the spags. I'm still typing on a Mexican keyboard and just cannot get the hang of it.
Comment from adewpearl
I thought it was an insane idea, and - add comma
I love James's reaction to his mother's use of shit hits the fan : -)
over what Johns as done - John
whatever punishment the system deems appropriate for our father - it is her husband, not her father
we owe that much to the victim's - drop the apostrophe
Good heavens, Em - add comma
Both Aunt Em AN Uncle Terry wanted - AND
to see Susan, but - add comma
delicate state right now, and - add comma
They are all a bunch of vultures, and - add comma
I knew Uncle Mark meant well, and - add comma
I hated lying, but - add comma
Charlie wanted to go with me, but - add comma
Excellent character development and plot development and good dialogue
Brooke :-)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2012
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I thought it was an insane idea, and - add comma
I love James's reaction to his mother's use of shit hits the fan : -)
over what Johns as done - John
whatever punishment the system deems appropriate for our father - it is her husband, not her father
we owe that much to the victim's - drop the apostrophe
Good heavens, Em - add comma
Both Aunt Em AN Uncle Terry wanted - AND
to see Susan, but - add comma
delicate state right now, and - add comma
They are all a bunch of vultures, and - add comma
I knew Uncle Mark meant well, and - add comma
I hated lying, but - add comma
Charlie wanted to go with me, but - add comma
Excellent character development and plot development and good dialogue
Brooke :-)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2012
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Thanks for catching ALL the spags. I am so pleased you liked this one.