Comment from InterestingRon

Excellent

Hi Smurphy
This chapter picks up beautifully from where you left off.
Once again the dialogue is outstanding.
I could see this being adapted into a script for a movie. Which actor would you like to play James?
Ron

 Comment Written 21-Feb-2012

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reply by the author on 22-Feb-2012

Spencer Reed on Criminal Intent would be good or Shia LaBeouf the yhoung actor in all the Transformer movies. Glad you liked this chapter.

Comment from c_lucas

Excellent

The road to discovery, be it mental or physical, is some times a difficult path. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words.
Error
vice-like grip. (vise)
PTSD it (

 Comment Written 21-Feb-2012

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reply by the author on 22-Feb-2012

Thanks for catching the spags. I am so pleased you liked this one.

reply by c_lucas on 22-Feb-2012

You're welcome, Sasha. Charlie

Comment from adewpearl

Excellent

if I had missed something; some clue - use comma
Charlie went into the bedroom to watch television, and - add comma
What a poignant scene of excising Dad from the albums
We were expected at the hospital at nine, and - add comma
Doctor Holden is the attending psychiatrist, and - add comma
I spent some time with Susan this morning, and - add comma
A few minutes later, the door opened, and - add comma
Hi, Sweetie - add comma for direct address
As always, you do an excellent job with dialogue that convey's people's emotion and with depicting James's innermost thoughts and feelings Brooke

 Comment Written 21-Feb-2012

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reply by the author on 21-Feb-2012

Thanks, once again, for catching all the missed commas. I am currently at the cyber cafe complaining about the Mexican keyboard I have to use. You´d think I´d figure it out by now....nope

reply by adewpearl on 21-Feb-2012

You just complain all you want, Valerie, just so you keep giving me James. :-)

Comment from peggles

Excellent

this is a good follow on from your previous chapters
there is so much tension that it grabs you right from the first line
The flow is smooth and so easy to follow and understand
your dialogue is realistic and brings your characters to life I enjoyed reading this
and look forward to see what happens next

 Comment Written 21-Feb-2012

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reply by the author on 21-Feb-2012

I am thrilled you like this. It will be a few days before I post another chapter. My computer in back in the shop for a check up.

Comment from cheyennewy

Excellent

Hi Smurph,

Check out the line below, instead of 'was' I think it should be 'were'

none of us (was) hungry

I hope you get your computer fixed in a hurry as I am anxious to read how the meeting with James and his dad went. It seems Susan is still in a case of shock and I hope she comes out of it soon. She has been so traumatized it will take time for here to heal. This is another outstanding chapter....blessings, chey

 Comment Written 21-Feb-2012

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reply by the author on 21-Feb-2012

Thanks for catching the spag. Yes, I hope he fixes it soon too.

Comment from Janie King

Excellent

We'll pray he gets it fixed quick..this is a terrbile place to be hanging...families suffer the unimaginable turmoil in a situation like this. God bless.

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 Comment Written 21-Feb-2012

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reply by the author on 21-Feb-2012

Your prayers are greatly appreciated...it´s reach the point where I think God may have to step in.

Comment from Sarah_Goldwell

Excellent

Wow, this is a strong chapter with a great storyline. Your characters are well developed and I can tell a lot has gone in previous chapters that make the reader want to go back and find out. Great writing. I noticed one small area you may want to look at.

[We arrived at the hospital a few minutes before nine. We went directly to 7 North, one of the two psychiatric wards at the hospital.] - You use the word 'hospital' twice. You may want to axe one.

Hope this helps

Sarah x

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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 21-Feb-2012

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reply by the author on 21-Feb-2012

Thanks for pointing that out. However, sometimes repitition cannot be avoided. I´ll take a look at that sentence and see what I can do to fix it.

reply by Sarah_Goldwell on 21-Feb-2012

I understand what you mean but I think maybe in this case you could safely add a period after 'wards' without taking anything from the story.

The rest of it was brilliant, I might add. I was transported straight into it without reading any of the other chapters and felt I knew the characters already. The story moved at a good pace and there were no areas I felt I wanted to skip over.

reply by the author on 22-Feb-2012

Yes, that would work.