The Heir Apparent
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "Detective MacKinnon"A family learns their father is a serial killer
25 total reviews
Comment from Veronica Grace
Wow what a great chapter. Makes a reader want more with every paragraph. You have a most intriguing style of writing. Simple, yet every paragraph link to the next, keeping the interest going. Nothing to change or crit.
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2012
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Wow what a great chapter. Makes a reader want more with every paragraph. You have a most intriguing style of writing. Simple, yet every paragraph link to the next, keeping the interest going. Nothing to change or crit.
Comment Written 01-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2012
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Thank you very much. I am so pleased you enjoyed this one.
Comment from missy98writer
Sasha
I'm going to save my review in stages because on on my iPod Touch and it's glitching on me. Like Brooke wrote in her review this is your rewrite. You are doing a bang up job too, my friend. You have done a fantastic job researching about police procedure and about serial killers. I like what the detective told James: "I know from experience, it isn't going to be easy for them to accept that the man they thought they knew is not only a stranger, but a killer as well. In your latest chapter you have used great descriptive writing and very good dialogue. Your story is enthralling and you do an excellent job showing instead of telling. I'd recommend chapter three to other reviewers as a 'must read.' I hope you are doing fine walking like a duck wearing your 'granny panties' out in the rain. Please have a beautiful day, my friend.
Melissa.
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2012
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Sasha
I'm going to save my review in stages because on on my iPod Touch and it's glitching on me. Like Brooke wrote in her review this is your rewrite. You are doing a bang up job too, my friend. You have done a fantastic job researching about police procedure and about serial killers. I like what the detective told James: "I know from experience, it isn't going to be easy for them to accept that the man they thought they knew is not only a stranger, but a killer as well. In your latest chapter you have used great descriptive writing and very good dialogue. Your story is enthralling and you do an excellent job showing instead of telling. I'd recommend chapter three to other reviewers as a 'must read.' I hope you are doing fine walking like a duck wearing your 'granny panties' out in the rain. Please have a beautiful day, my friend.
Melissa.
Comment Written 01-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2012
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Thanks for the great review. The changes won't show up until chapter 4 or 5. I have only made minor changers in the first few chapter.
Comment from WLHall
Smurphgirl, Wow! A great chapter in your book. Had me feeling the way James must have felt. You set up the suspense extremely well, because now I am wondering how the family is going to treat James. You are a very talented writer and see that you are published. I am pretty new, but am ranked already at #98 for short works. I just hope people are being honest with me. To have someone, as accomplished as yourself, to review my work would be wonderful. If you would please consider looking at mine and give an honest opinion, I know I can pretty much count on your comments to be nothing but helpful. Unfortunately, my 3 short works are no longer being promoted, so I would understand if you don't want to take the time to look at them.
I really enjoyed your writing and will go back and read the preceding chapters and try to keep up. If I had a 6 star to give, I would.
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2012
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Smurphgirl, Wow! A great chapter in your book. Had me feeling the way James must have felt. You set up the suspense extremely well, because now I am wondering how the family is going to treat James. You are a very talented writer and see that you are published. I am pretty new, but am ranked already at #98 for short works. I just hope people are being honest with me. To have someone, as accomplished as yourself, to review my work would be wonderful. If you would please consider looking at mine and give an honest opinion, I know I can pretty much count on your comments to be nothing but helpful. Unfortunately, my 3 short works are no longer being promoted, so I would understand if you don't want to take the time to look at them.
I really enjoyed your writing and will go back and read the preceding chapters and try to keep up. If I had a 6 star to give, I would.
Comment Written 01-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2012
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Thank you for your gracious and enthusiastic comments. I sincerely appreciate them. This is the third time I have posted this book. The first two times I pulled it because I was not happy with the direction it was going. I have worked on it for quite some time and am finally happy with the changes I have made. I will take a look at your profile and let you know what I think.
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You're welcome on the review. And thank you for taking a look at mine. The shorts are "Healed", "The Trip Home" and "The Empty Room". The last one is for a contest in March, so I would really like to make sure it's sound and tight.
Comment from Rob Caudle
Riveting I found myself asking why he had wanted the screwdriver in the first place so was pleased when you answered that near the end of the piece. It makes for an interesting tale as the truth emerges about the father and the devastation to the family that surely must follow. I will continue to follow your story with interest.
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reply by the author on 01-Feb-2012
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Riveting I found myself asking why he had wanted the screwdriver in the first place so was pleased when you answered that near the end of the piece. It makes for an interesting tale as the truth emerges about the father and the devastation to the family that surely must follow. I will continue to follow your story with interest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 01-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2012
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I am so pleased this has captured you interest. The changes I have made won't show up for two or three more chapters. But if you have not read the previous post, this not not make any difference.
Comment from adewpearl
Another chapter going over stuff I already know and have read earlier versions of, but I figured I'd comment on the way you make this revelation anyway. For readers who have never read this before, this is going to be a very clear explanation of James's situation along with a dramatic reveal of the truth he so abruptly has to face.
I find James's analysis interesting of how easily he comes to accept this sickening truth and why.
You also explain his conflicted emotions well as he knows he has done the right thing but still feels the weight of the guilt of what he has exposed his family to.
Mac told me to go home, saying he would - add comma
They will take him to King County Jail, and - add comma
Brooke
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2012
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Another chapter going over stuff I already know and have read earlier versions of, but I figured I'd comment on the way you make this revelation anyway. For readers who have never read this before, this is going to be a very clear explanation of James's situation along with a dramatic reveal of the truth he so abruptly has to face.
I find James's analysis interesting of how easily he comes to accept this sickening truth and why.
You also explain his conflicted emotions well as he knows he has done the right thing but still feels the weight of the guilt of what he has exposed his family to.
Mac told me to go home, saying he would - add comma
They will take him to King County Jail, and - add comma
Brooke
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 01-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2012
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The changes will not start until the fifth or sixth (I will have to look) chapters. Thanks for pointing out the spags. I can always rely on you.