Steve's Story-Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 23 "The Great Pyramid Race"A collection of my poems
26 total reviews
Comment from ElPoetry001
Excellent.
Not just a recollection of a wonderful sporting event but a subliminal message of the Bulls Eye.
In Gordanvale an event was planned:
It's the race to win the title, 'King of Walsh's Pyramid."
That is the bulls eye, and there are many rings around it.
Each ring spreads the love, sportsmanship, companionship, of the race day.
It is not just one race between two runners, but a day that brings out the goodness and friendship of everyone.
One ring includes the greeters, the cheerleaders, those that bet on the runners.
In one ring there is music, there are games and there are stalls.
In another ring, for the kids, a Jumping Castle, and the fun goes on till dark,
While contestants live again the thrills and falls.
The makings of a wonderful day, get my calendar, I'll go someday.
With all the sickness, death, starvation, and wars, in the world, this is a welcome reminder that there are good, friendly, loving people in the world.
A great story.
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2011
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Excellent.
Not just a recollection of a wonderful sporting event but a subliminal message of the Bulls Eye.
In Gordanvale an event was planned:
It's the race to win the title, 'King of Walsh's Pyramid."
That is the bulls eye, and there are many rings around it.
Each ring spreads the love, sportsmanship, companionship, of the race day.
It is not just one race between two runners, but a day that brings out the goodness and friendship of everyone.
One ring includes the greeters, the cheerleaders, those that bet on the runners.
In one ring there is music, there are games and there are stalls.
In another ring, for the kids, a Jumping Castle, and the fun goes on till dark,
While contestants live again the thrills and falls.
The makings of a wonderful day, get my calendar, I'll go someday.
With all the sickness, death, starvation, and wars, in the world, this is a welcome reminder that there are good, friendly, loving people in the world.
A great story.
Comment Written 14-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2011
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Thank you for your great review and the enthusiastic words - much appreciated.
Steve
Comment from Frankeddy
Hey good going you put an informative message into a great rhyming poem.
We have friends in Australia and find all information about it great.
Your rhyme scheme in the poem keeps the flow of the poem rapidly flowing.
I felt like I was running it. Your selected accompanying picture very descriptive.
Well done. Frankeddy
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2011
 |
Hey good going you put an informative message into a great rhyming poem.
We have friends in Australia and find all information about it great.
Your rhyme scheme in the poem keeps the flow of the poem rapidly flowing.
I felt like I was running it. Your selected accompanying picture very descriptive.
Well done. Frankeddy
Comment Written 14-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2011
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Thank you so much - I borrowed the stanza form from a famous poem with galloping horses - guess the meter suited my race as well...
Steve
Comment from triciaw
This is not just a poem, it is a story!
What a wonderful event it must be to take part in.
I was captivated from the first line, I could just hear those canefields rustling and feel the pain in your legs.
I enjoyed this.
T.W.
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2011
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This is not just a poem, it is a story!
What a wonderful event it must be to take part in.
I was captivated from the first line, I could just hear those canefields rustling and feel the pain in your legs.
I enjoyed this.
T.W.
Comment Written 14-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2011
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Thank you!
No pain in my legs though - I'll be standing on the sideline and cheering like the sensible person I am!
Steve
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Oh, well then I take back the sympathy I sent you1
Comment from Siddhartha Jatana
The piece is beautifully descriptive...
It was quite informative too...:)
"They are coming! They are coming!' and a thrill runs through the crowd.
The cheering and the shouting all combine.
Be it favorite or outsider, the applause is long and loud,
As the leader make his surge towards the line"
Wow!
Good style and presentation--abab rhyming scheme...
Keep up the good work!
God bless ya!
Love and Regards,
Sid
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reply by the author on 15-Aug-2011
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The piece is beautifully descriptive...
It was quite informative too...:)
"They are coming! They are coming!' and a thrill runs through the crowd.
The cheering and the shouting all combine.
Be it favorite or outsider, the applause is long and loud,
As the leader make his surge towards the line"
Wow!
Good style and presentation--abab rhyming scheme...
Keep up the good work!
God bless ya!
Love and Regards,
Sid
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2011
-
Thanks, Sid. I appreciate the enthusiastic review.
Steve
Comment from peggles
I could see the race and feel the excitement
And the rivalry
The rhythm is consistent throughout and the tone excellent
I enjoyed this very much
a fun read
Well done
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2011
|
I could see the race and feel the excitement
And the rivalry
The rhythm is consistent throughout and the tone excellent
I enjoyed this very much
a fun read
Well done
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2011
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Thank you for your kind words - glad you enjoyed.
Steve
Comment from dportwood
kiwisteveh,
Exceptional writing!
This poem has a multitude of poetic enhancements with its meter an rhyme so pleasant to read. The reader has a clear picture of the race, the excitement, the rivalry, etc. The rhythm is consistent throughout as is the octet structure.
What a fun read!
Duane
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2011
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kiwisteveh,
Exceptional writing!
This poem has a multitude of poetic enhancements with its meter an rhyme so pleasant to read. The reader has a clear picture of the race, the excitement, the rivalry, etc. The rhythm is consistent throughout as is the octet structure.
What a fun read!
Duane
Comment Written 14-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2011
-
This was the first review in for this, so I was thrilled to get a Six! Thank you so much for your kind words.
Steve
