The Heir Apparent
Viewing comments for Chapter 22 "Quid Pro Quo Part 2"A family learns their father is a serial killer
27 total reviews
Comment from RebelRose
Another great chapter with a lot of believable dialogue. I wonder why the family history is such a big secret.
I am so glad you are feeling like writing again. I hope all is well with you now.
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2011
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Another great chapter with a lot of believable dialogue. I wonder why the family history is such a big secret.
I am so glad you are feeling like writing again. I hope all is well with you now.
Comment Written 01-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2011
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Thank you. I am feeling MUCH better. The big secret will eventually be revealed, but just not quit yet. Glad you enjoyed this one.
Comment from mumsyone
I believe this is the firt of your chapters I've read, but I don't think it will be the last. It is well written and well edited, and the dialogue sounds very natural. Good "picture": When you grow up in a family with a father that makes all the rules and controls the amount of air you breathe, you'd be surprised how you accept the odd as normal.
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2011
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I believe this is the firt of your chapters I've read, but I don't think it will be the last. It is well written and well edited, and the dialogue sounds very natural. Good "picture": When you grow up in a family with a father that makes all the rules and controls the amount of air you breathe, you'd be surprised how you accept the odd as normal.
Comment Written 01-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2011
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Thanks so much for the positive and enthusiastic review. I am pleased you enjoyed this one.
Comment from axelbeariter
controls the amount of air you breathe/great line----You have laid out this part of the plot very well. Any reader with a brain will salivate to find out more about the kid's obviously demented dad. You write so well for one so young, or is that picture more than a couple of years old?
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2011
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controls the amount of air you breathe/great line----You have laid out this part of the plot very well. Any reader with a brain will salivate to find out more about the kid's obviously demented dad. You write so well for one so young, or is that picture more than a couple of years old?
Comment Written 01-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2011
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Thanks for making me laugh. Yup, that's a current photo of me. No, I am a very young 65 going on 20. Glad you liked this one.
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Got you beat by nine damned years. Old sucks personally, but look at all the material we acquired to write about. I was blonder than you at that age, actually natural platinum. What the hey, at least we've survived to write our autobiography. Mine (in progress) is, Dry at Last. check out my website: www.ibeariter.com You are welcome to copy and use any of my socko sunset photos gratis.
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I'll check it out right now.
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check out my latest writorial offering--Page 1 in 30th place, A Micro-Wilderness
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Great Website! I often tell people that my life is a poorly written soap opera and a marvelous source of fodder for subject matter to write about. My favorite subject is me, who better than the person you know the best...right?
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You got that right. I moved my story, A Micro-Wilderness up to page 1 the 22nd spot. Please, read it. Promise?
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Yup...I promise!
Comment from MS Writer
Very interesting story. The type that keeps your interest and you want to know more. James is a great character and the dialogue is not forced. It's very natural. Very good flow. I enjoyed reading this very much.
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2011
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Very interesting story. The type that keeps your interest and you want to know more. James is a great character and the dialogue is not forced. It's very natural. Very good flow. I enjoyed reading this very much.
Comment Written 01-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2011
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Thanks so much. James is a cool kid, I think of him as the son I never had.
Comment from c_lucas
Do we every really know the people close to us. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for an easy read. James is seeking answers he may not be able to deal with.
Error
I suddenly felt teas (tears) well up in my eyes
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2011
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Do we every really know the people close to us. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for an easy read. James is seeking answers he may not be able to deal with.
Error
I suddenly felt teas (tears) well up in my eyes
Comment Written 01-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2011
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Thanks for catching the spag. No, I honestly don't think we every REALLY know the people close to us. Glad you liked this one.
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You're welcome, Sasha. Charlie
Comment from Joan E.
I'm glad to see you posting again, which must mean you are feeling better. Be careful to pace yourself and not have a relapse. Thank you for breaking this chapter into two parts both for the ease of reading and the logic of it. Your "red neon sign" simile and allowing us to see the inner workings of James' sharp mind are quite effective. -Joan
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reply by the author on 01-Apr-2011
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I'm glad to see you posting again, which must mean you are feeling better. Be careful to pace yourself and not have a relapse. Thank you for breaking this chapter into two parts both for the ease of reading and the logic of it. Your "red neon sign" simile and allowing us to see the inner workings of James' sharp mind are quite effective. -Joan
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 01-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2011
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Thanks. I am pleased you liked this one. Not to worry, I have no intention of having another relapse...I am following my doctor's instructions to the letter....lol
Comment from adewpearl
typo - I suddenly felt TEAS well up in my eyes
You do such a great job of showing what sketchy knowledge James has of his father's early life and of explaining why he never pursued trying to break through his dad's barrier to find out more before this. I can also feel his intense need to know now, to UNDERSTAND what his father, the man whose DNA he carries, did. I also feel his pain, wondering what kind of woman his mother was before his dad got hold of her and subjected her to 20 years of control and brainwashing. Brooke
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reply by the author on 01-Apr-2011
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typo - I suddenly felt TEAS well up in my eyes
You do such a great job of showing what sketchy knowledge James has of his father's early life and of explaining why he never pursued trying to break through his dad's barrier to find out more before this. I can also feel his intense need to know now, to UNDERSTAND what his father, the man whose DNA he carries, did. I also feel his pain, wondering what kind of woman his mother was before his dad got hold of her and subjected her to 20 years of control and brainwashing. Brooke
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 01-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2011
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Thanks so much for the great review. I wasn't sure if I was able to convey James's need to know and why he never pursued learning more about his dad. Many have questioned this.