The Heir Apparent
Viewing comments for Chapter 21 "Quid Pro Quo Part 1"A family learns their father is a serial killer
29 total reviews
Comment from words
Another gripping chapter.
I am forever fascinated by your telling the story from the perspective of the victim's family.
In many ways, it seems that the family of the perpetrator suffers more than that of the victim ... it completely rewrites their history and destroys any real sense of family.
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2011
  |
Another gripping chapter.
I am forever fascinated by your telling the story from the perspective of the victim's family.
In many ways, it seems that the family of the perpetrator suffers more than that of the victim ... it completely rewrites their history and destroys any real sense of family.
Comment Written 15-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2011
-
I don't know if they suffer more, but their pain is all too often ignored. We read about terrible crimes every day but I have yet to read about the effect such crimes have on the unsuspecting family.
Comment from lola29
I know Mac is the pro, but I think he's relying heavily upon James. I can't believe James is so stoic. I would have folded a long time ago, but there is something so special about this kid.
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2011
|
I know Mac is the pro, but I think he's relying heavily upon James. I can't believe James is so stoic. I would have folded a long time ago, but there is something so special about this kid.
Comment Written 15-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2011
-
I would have been a basket case the first day. I am pleased you like him and think is is special. He is the son I never had...I just love him to death.
Comment from animatqua
This is another exciting chapter. I love the way you let out a little bit of information, and then throw in a bunch more questions on top of it.
I hope you find your missing work. This story is too fascinating to lose!
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2011
|
This is another exciting chapter. I love the way you let out a little bit of information, and then throw in a bunch more questions on top of it.
I hope you find your missing work. This story is too fascinating to lose!
Comment Written 15-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2011
-
I have the original on my computer and a copy on disc, it is just getting them posted that seems to be the problem....I'm sure Tom will figure it out. I am glad enjoyed this chapter.
Comment from adewpearl
still staring at me, grinned - add comma
Don't under estimate Detective -
underestimate
slammed against the glass, blurring the yellow - add comma
"Let the game begin". - begin."
Damn it, Mac - add comma
a neighborhood girl, Mary Ellen Campbell, disappeared - add comma
Why did James' dad leave the blood splatter on the walls and the clothes in the fireplace for close to a year?
As always, good dialogue that conveys the emotions and character of the people in the conversation well. Brooke
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2011
|
still staring at me, grinned - add comma
Don't under estimate Detective -
underestimate
slammed against the glass, blurring the yellow - add comma
"Let the game begin". - begin."
Damn it, Mac - add comma
a neighborhood girl, Mary Ellen Campbell, disappeared - add comma
Why did James' dad leave the blood splatter on the walls and the clothes in the fireplace for close to a year?
As always, good dialogue that conveys the emotions and character of the people in the conversation well. Brooke
Comment Written 15-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2011
-
Good question but I actually have an answer. James and his family have not be4en to the cabin for over a year-and-a-half, but no one knows the last time Dad was there, it could have been the day before he was arrested. You can type DNA but it is impossible to date when it was placed there. There are and will be other clues as to who/what/where and when he was at the cabin.
-
Since the girl disappeared a year ago, and James thinks it is her blood, that is why I was wondering why Dad would leave the evidence that long, but I trust you have this all figured out - I'm just going to sit back and enjoy the ride as James helps to figure all of this out :-)
-
You made me think about that section so I added a sentence saying that although he suspected he knew it might be Mary Ellen, he also knew that with a year-and-a-half, there well could be more victims.... I address the question of Dad leaving evidence i the next chapter, but you made a good point....not bad for a mere poet!!!!
-
ROTFLMAO :-)
Comment from Deejharrington
OMG! 19 chapter? Well, Tom can do it, anyone can. Anyway, this one is terrific. It's really building the suspense and the horrible truth, that the father is a serial killer. A very unique story plot. It's fascinating to see how it progressing. I do hope you get your chapters back!
deb
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2011
 |
OMG! 19 chapter? Well, Tom can do it, anyone can. Anyway, this one is terrific. It's really building the suspense and the horrible truth, that the father is a serial killer. A very unique story plot. It's fascinating to see how it progressing. I do hope you get your chapters back!
deb
Comment Written 15-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2011
-
I have them on my computer, it is just getting them posted that seems to be the current problem. Glad you liked this one. Thanks so much for the awesome 6 stars too.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I struggled posting on Sunday. I am sorry you are having similar problems. I sounds as if you're are worse. I am so sorry. Your post is very good and a perfect addition to your previous posts.
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2011
|
I struggled posting on Sunday. I am sorry you are having similar problems. I sounds as if you're are worse. I am so sorry. Your post is very good and a perfect addition to your previous posts.
Comment Written 15-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2011
-
I have no idea what the problem is but if anyone can figure it out, it is Tom (at least that is what I hope).
-
I am sure he will.
-
HE DID!!!!! THREE CHEERS FOR TOM!!
Comment from write hand blue
Well written with an interesting plot.
A compulsive reading, leaving
you wondering what
happens next.
good work.
Mel.
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2011
|
Well written with an interesting plot.
A compulsive reading, leaving
you wondering what
happens next.
good work.
Mel.
Comment Written 15-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2011
-
Thanks for the great review. I sincerely appreciate it.
Comment from moyramouse
So now we know a little about what was in the cabin,but as Mac says he needs more evidence to pin it on jame's dad. So James has a theory who the victim can be. Mac clearly has a lot of repect for James' intellect and also cares about the amount of stress he is carrying. I am so sorry to hear about your problem, do hope you have hard copy of your work. Another writer lost a poem last week, but it has been found and posted. I work in Word on my computer and then copy and paste, that way I always have my work safe and backed up. I'm just off to read the next part of this story. x mouse
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2011
|
So now we know a little about what was in the cabin,but as Mac says he needs more evidence to pin it on jame's dad. So James has a theory who the victim can be. Mac clearly has a lot of repect for James' intellect and also cares about the amount of stress he is carrying. I am so sorry to hear about your problem, do hope you have hard copy of your work. Another writer lost a poem last week, but it has been found and posted. I work in Word on my computer and then copy and paste, that way I always have my work safe and backed up. I'm just off to read the next part of this story. x mouse
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2011
-
Yes, I have learned the hard way to always have copies of my book. I keep one on my computer and the other on a disk. I am pleased you liked the chapter. I wasn't sure it would even post I was having so much trouble.
-
I am so relieved you have hard copies. I am sure Tom will fix it now he's on the case. x
Comment from Writeaway...
Smurphgirl your writing is always a pleasure to read, I haven't heard from you in a while and it was nice to read some of writing. An excellent job on this piece, you dragged me in from beginning to end and I cannot suggest anything for improvment, an excellent job, keep writing!! :)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2011
|
Smurphgirl your writing is always a pleasure to read, I haven't heard from you in a while and it was nice to read some of writing. An excellent job on this piece, you dragged me in from beginning to end and I cannot suggest anything for improvment, an excellent job, keep writing!! :)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2011
-
Thanks so much for the positive review. I sincerely appreciate it.