The Heir Apparent
Viewing comments for Chapter 19 "Time to Ask for Help"A family learns their father is a serial killer
28 total reviews
Comment from CALLAHANMR
Hi Valerie:)
I thoroughly enjoyed the way you introduce the cabin this time. It is more realistic than having James do the initial search.
The only problem I have, and it is slight, is that I think James would have looked inside the cabin before contacting Mac.
I liked all the family interactions after the trip was cut short. Mom's question, "Do you think that's where your dad took those poor girls?" sums up all the fanily fears.
Great jpb.
Love and Irish hugs,
Roger
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2011
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Hi Valerie:)
I thoroughly enjoyed the way you introduce the cabin this time. It is more realistic than having James do the initial search.
The only problem I have, and it is slight, is that I think James would have looked inside the cabin before contacting Mac.
I liked all the family interactions after the trip was cut short. Mom's question, "Do you think that's where your dad took those poor girls?" sums up all the fanily fears.
Great jpb.
Love and Irish hugs,
Roger
Comment Written 24-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2011
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I'm not sure if James would have crossed over the fence. Possibly if he had been alone, but not with both Uncle Martin and Charlie with him. I touch on this in the next chapter when he talks about not tampering with evidence. Glad you liked this one.
Comment from Belinda
Yes, there is something wrong. I can't open this from the PM as usual and have to go to your portfolio. Luckily your last chapter is still fresh in my mind and this is an interesting continuation and gives me another hook to wait for your next.
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2011
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Yes, there is something wrong. I can't open this from the PM as usual and have to go to your portfolio. Luckily your last chapter is still fresh in my mind and this is an interesting continuation and gives me another hook to wait for your next.
Comment Written 24-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2011
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I have spoken to Tom but he is still working on the problem.
Comment from The Wood Work
And the saga continues. I am so enjoying your work hear. It's easy to follow and explosive at the same time. We all sat down (staring) at each other...I Found no others errors
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2011
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And the saga continues. I am so enjoying your work hear. It's easy to follow and explosive at the same time. We all sat down (staring) at each other...I Found no others errors
Comment Written 24-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2011
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Thanks for catching that. I am very pleased you are enjoying this story.
Comment from adewpearl
I got a notification for this but then when I would click on it I would get strange notices from FS that the work couldn't be located. I finally found the chapter by searching your portfolio. You might want to tell Tom your notifications to fans got screwed up. : -)
Charlie, who suddenly proclaimed he had to pee - add comma
asked Charlie, who was being unusually quiet, - add comma
tired, emotionally beaten woman - add the comma
news would be worse, I glanced - change the comma to a period
As always, you convey the emotions of the characters extremely well, Valerie, and this new discovery certainly gives them all something new to be emotional about. Brooke
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2011
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I got a notification for this but then when I would click on it I would get strange notices from FS that the work couldn't be located. I finally found the chapter by searching your portfolio. You might want to tell Tom your notifications to fans got screwed up. : -)
Charlie, who suddenly proclaimed he had to pee - add comma
asked Charlie, who was being unusually quiet, - add comma
tired, emotionally beaten woman - add the comma
news would be worse, I glanced - change the comma to a period
As always, you convey the emotions of the characters extremely well, Valerie, and this new discovery certainly gives them all something new to be emotional about. Brooke
Comment Written 24-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2011
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I did and he said everything was fine. I'll contact him again. Thanks, as always, for catching the spags. I am glad you are still enjoying this. The changes I made are now becoming apparent and I hope you like them.
Comment from c_lucas
I was unable to access this post until I went to your portfolio to retrieve it. You are listed twice in my pm's but I got two warnings the post was not available. Very well written post.
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2011
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I was unable to access this post until I went to your portfolio to retrieve it. You are listed twice in my pm's but I got two warnings the post was not available. Very well written post.
Comment Written 24-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2011
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Thanks. I will contact Tom and see what the problem is.
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Okay. Good story. i am glad the mother is not coming face to face with one of the killings.
Comment from MS Writer
Great writing. It held my interest and I thought that the characters had good dialogue and were very believable.
I especially liked this sentence:
The giant mole in the middle of his forehead was distracting and made it difficult to envision a brain inside his over sized balled head.
I think in this part there is something missing i.e. too much freedom?
imaginations far too freedom to fill in
Great read.
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2011
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Great writing. It held my interest and I thought that the characters had good dialogue and were very believable.
I especially liked this sentence:
The giant mole in the middle of his forehead was distracting and made it difficult to envision a brain inside his over sized balled head.
I think in this part there is something missing i.e. too much freedom?
imaginations far too freedom to fill in
Great read.
Comment Written 24-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2011
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Thanks...I just added 'much' to that sentence. Thanks for catching it. Poor Barney Fife just cannot measure up to Mac.
Comment from gerry26
This is my first read and I found the story very interesting. I enjoyed your characters they are well defined with great dialog. Your deacriptions are so good, I felt that I was at the crime scene. I look forward to more.
gerry
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reply by the author on 24-Feb-2011
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This is my first read and I found the story very interesting. I enjoyed your characters they are well defined with great dialog. Your deacriptions are so good, I felt that I was at the crime scene. I look forward to more.
gerry
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Comment Written 24-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2011
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Thanks you very much. I am thrilled that although not reading previous chapters, you were able to still understand and enjoy the story.
Comment from missy98writer
Sasha,
chapter ninteen in your awesome book The Crack in the Mirror is superbly written. Excellent narrative, great dialogue and very good descriptive writing. Your descriptions on the detective are wonderful: "His breath smelled of garlic and his pock marked, bulbous nose screamed alcoholic in capital letters. The giant mole in the middle of his forehead was distracting and made it difficult to envision a brain inside his over sized balled head." I agree it's about time Mr. Hurley earns his check. I look forward to reading more in this re-write, my friend.
Melissa.
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reply by the author on 24-Feb-2011
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Sasha,
chapter ninteen in your awesome book The Crack in the Mirror is superbly written. Excellent narrative, great dialogue and very good descriptive writing. Your descriptions on the detective are wonderful: "His breath smelled of garlic and his pock marked, bulbous nose screamed alcoholic in capital letters. The giant mole in the middle of his forehead was distracting and made it difficult to envision a brain inside his over sized balled head." I agree it's about time Mr. Hurley earns his check. I look forward to reading more in this re-write, my friend.
Melissa.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 24-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2011
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Thanks, I am so pleased you are still enjoying this.