The Heir Apparent
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "A Plea Bargain?"A family learns their father is a serial killer
34 total reviews
Comment from Realist101
WEll, bless your heart Sasha. I can't find anything wrong with this chapter...it's very well written and realistic too. I admire your skills...your narration and dialogue are always right on spot...this is a good book. ") I sure hope your eye will be okay...always always wear a hat!??? I limp too, and have eye problems, cataracts...and more to look forward to. Just so you won't feel so alone? HUGS and best my sweet friend...luv, susan
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2011
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WEll, bless your heart Sasha. I can't find anything wrong with this chapter...it's very well written and realistic too. I admire your skills...your narration and dialogue are always right on spot...this is a good book. ") I sure hope your eye will be okay...always always wear a hat!??? I limp too, and have eye problems, cataracts...and more to look forward to. Just so you won't feel so alone? HUGS and best my sweet friend...luv, susan
Comment Written 22-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2011
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I am so pleased you like this book. Yes, I now know to wear a hat. Isn't getting old a marvelous adventure?
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OH Miss Smurph, it's a nightmare for me. I used to think, TOMORROW will be better, now I just feel lucky that I'm here today. Please take care and I hope you get well soon!! I go to the eye doctor in February, I am going to get those prescription sunglasses? I am blinded out in bright sunlight...All the years of not taking care of my eyes! ") Luv, susan
Comment from Alaskastory
'A Plea Bargain?' chapter lets us become much more aware of the mom's true feelings toward her weird husband. I searched for a spag or two, but all it see is perfection. You are a great proofreader. I hope your eye heals quickly.
This chapter is very well done, Sasha.
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2011
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'A Plea Bargain?' chapter lets us become much more aware of the mom's true feelings toward her weird husband. I searched for a spag or two, but all it see is perfection. You are a great proofreader. I hope your eye heals quickly.
This chapter is very well done, Sasha.
Comment Written 22-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2011
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Thank you so much. I have to behonest and admit there were a few spags but reviewers caught them. But I am still pleased you didn't find any more.
Comment from toni guerrero
Wow,this family is going through some significant feelings.
I can see the damage the dad has done. It's affecting everyone around him,and to hear the death penalty is like being slapped in the face. Good dramatic writing and good usage of dialogue.Take care friend. Love Toni
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2011
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Wow,this family is going through some significant feelings.
I can see the damage the dad has done. It's affecting everyone around him,and to hear the death penalty is like being slapped in the face. Good dramatic writing and good usage of dialogue.Take care friend. Love Toni
Comment Written 22-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2011
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Tank you. I am so pleased you enjoyed this one.
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You are so welcome my friend.Take care.
Comment from marcellawachtel
the first few paragraphs in this chapter were so important! You put them in just at the right time. It gives the reader another perspective on several points. ( I think you should have given some lines to Billy's interview.) This story is shaping up so very well, I admire your skill in pulling the strings.I didn't find any spelling mistakes.
I hope your eye heals quickly.
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2011
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the first few paragraphs in this chapter were so important! You put them in just at the right time. It gives the reader another perspective on several points. ( I think you should have given some lines to Billy's interview.) This story is shaping up so very well, I admire your skill in pulling the strings.I didn't find any spelling mistakes.
I hope your eye heals quickly.
Comment Written 22-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2011
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I plan to go into Billie' interview in another chapter. I am pleased you like this so far.
Comment from marcii
Your story continues to be very good and I look forward to reading the next chapters.
I had to laugh at what you said about getting sun burnt on one eye. Bet it actually hurts.
Marcii
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2011
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Your story continues to be very good and I look forward to reading the next chapters.
I had to laugh at what you said about getting sun burnt on one eye. Bet it actually hurts.
Marcii
Comment Written 21-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2011
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Yup, it really hurts. Thanks goodness it was the bad eye. Glad you liked this chapter.
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Yes, it does hurt. Glad you like the story so far.
Comment from Rama Rao
A well written chapter which held my attention right until the last word. I can't say it made good reading as the content is such. Despite the handicaps you mentioned, you seem to have done a good job proofreading it. Since you asked for it, here are a few spags I noticed:
1. to protect us but it's too late - comma needed.
2. There are various ways of expressing grief.
3. Twelve families- against six girls?
4. In your notes you wrote, how to you get sunburned in one eye and not the other? -do in place of to.
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2011
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A well written chapter which held my attention right until the last word. I can't say it made good reading as the content is such. Despite the handicaps you mentioned, you seem to have done a good job proofreading it. Since you asked for it, here are a few spags I noticed:
1. to protect us but it's too late - comma needed.
2. There are various ways of expressing grief.
3. Twelve families- against six girls?
4. In your notes you wrote, how to you get sunburned in one eye and not the other? -do in place of to.
Comment Written 21-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2011
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Thanks for catching the spags. I am pleased you continue to follow this story.
Comment from Kathryn Varuzza
Your notes crack me up. I found one spag in the background notes: slowing should be slowly and I saw another one somewhere in the 2nd half but now I can't find it.
Good chapter.
I like the descriptions.
The dialogue is good.
Good developments.
It's interesting and realistic.
Good ending too.
Katie
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2011
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Your notes crack me up. I found one spag in the background notes: slowing should be slowly and I saw another one somewhere in the 2nd half but now I can't find it.
Good chapter.
I like the descriptions.
The dialogue is good.
Good developments.
It's interesting and realistic.
Good ending too.
Katie
Comment Written 21-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2011
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Thanks for catching the spag and I am pleased you are continuing to enjoy this.
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You're welcome. I do enjoy it. You are a great storyteller.
Comment from c_lucas
You have did a very good job in this rewrite. Your characters appear to be more alive then in the original. This is very well written.
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2011
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You have did a very good job in this rewrite. Your characters appear to be more alive then in the original. This is very well written.
Comment Written 21-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2011
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That was my hope. I am pleased you agree.
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You're welcome, Sasha. Keep up the good work. Charlie
Comment from kiwigirl2821
you and me must be sisters cause I'm a spag Queen ...lol but here's what I caught
1. live in I believe should be hyphenated as should on-camera...without a hyphen, it stopped the sentence from moving forward while reading...you had to go back and say what???? then oh duhhhhh ...lol
2. think the "She" should be dropped on the sentence, "She still looking like a June Cleaver ..."
otherwise and in spite of another brilliant chapter in the ongoing saga of this family. great work!
xoxo Kiwi
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2011
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you and me must be sisters cause I'm a spag Queen ...lol but here's what I caught
1. live in I believe should be hyphenated as should on-camera...without a hyphen, it stopped the sentence from moving forward while reading...you had to go back and say what???? then oh duhhhhh ...lol
2. think the "She" should be dropped on the sentence, "She still looking like a June Cleaver ..."
otherwise and in spite of another brilliant chapter in the ongoing saga of this family. great work!
xoxo Kiwi
Comment Written 21-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2011
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Thanks for catching the spags. I am definitely NOT capable of proofing my own writing.
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what are friends for? oh and I'm sending you a pair of sunglasses so your ass won't get another sunburnt eyeball! good grief! xoxo debs
Comment from Carolyn Hilliard
I found no spags. Of course, someone else may. I can't begin to imagine how a family would feel, suddenly learning 'the head of the house' is a murderer. I feel you've done a fine job showing their discontent, anguish and anger,
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2011
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I found no spags. Of course, someone else may. I can't begin to imagine how a family would feel, suddenly learning 'the head of the house' is a murderer. I feel you've done a fine job showing their discontent, anguish and anger,
Comment Written 21-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2011
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I am pleased you are enjoying this. And the roller coaster ride is just beginning for this poor family.