The Heir Apparent
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "The Evidence"A family learns their father is a serial killer
39 total reviews
Comment from marcellawachtel
Thrilling chapter. Your dialog throughout is crisp and very believable. It is evident that you did quite a bit of research on police procedure.
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2011
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Thrilling chapter. Your dialog throughout is crisp and very believable. It is evident that you did quite a bit of research on police procedure.
Comment Written 14-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2011
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Yes, I did and I am pleased it is paying off. I am also pleased you find this thrilling.
Comment from Tellis
How awful it would be to hear this about your own father, but the way he treated them wasn't normal either. Excellent chapter and you keep the gore to a minumum while still describing the horrible events. Good job.
Tellis
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2011
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How awful it would be to hear this about your own father, but the way he treated them wasn't normal either. Excellent chapter and you keep the gore to a minumum while still describing the horrible events. Good job.
Tellis
Comment Written 13-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2011
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I'm not a real fan of gore, the occasionally gun shot maybe, but not gore. Glad you liked this one.
Comment from Magic Wand
Continuing to keep me enthralled with the unfolding story. Your characterizations are strong, developing personalities easily.
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2011
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Continuing to keep me enthralled with the unfolding story. Your characterizations are strong, developing personalities easily.
Comment Written 13-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2011
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Thank you so much. I am thrilled you like this.
Comment from Kentucky Jim
Less spelling mistakes this time, but check the last part of the fourth paragraph. I like it, a lot. Glad you got the privilege argument correct; the story doesn't require you to change it up. It fits in nicely, and adds to the mystery. Nice pace, nice flow, nice dialogue, great intrigue. I can't recommend anything to change.
Did the old man do it, or maybe I should say "them"? You're not gonna answer that question, are you? ;-)
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2011
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Less spelling mistakes this time, but check the last part of the fourth paragraph. I like it, a lot. Glad you got the privilege argument correct; the story doesn't require you to change it up. It fits in nicely, and adds to the mystery. Nice pace, nice flow, nice dialogue, great intrigue. I can't recommend anything to change.
Did the old man do it, or maybe I should say "them"? You're not gonna answer that question, are you? ;-)
Comment Written 13-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2011
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You'll find out very soon, so I guess my answer is "Nope, I'm not going to tell you. I'll check that paragraph and thanks so much for the awesome 6 stars, I sincerely appreciate it.
Comment from InterestingRon
Beautifully crafted, flowing prose. Great descriptions and dialogue.
Well, after reading all those facts it looks like father's goose is cooked! You have handled the emotions of the family, having to listen to all this evidence, magnificently.
This novel becomes more interesting with every read.
Ron
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2011
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Beautifully crafted, flowing prose. Great descriptions and dialogue.
Well, after reading all those facts it looks like father's goose is cooked! You have handled the emotions of the family, having to listen to all this evidence, magnificently.
This novel becomes more interesting with every read.
Ron
Comment Written 13-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2011
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I am thrilled you like this. I come from a dysfunctional family, so I have plenty to draw from.
Comment from Realist101
What a tragedy, and one that is so real. I hear of this sort of thing EVERY single day in the news here. It's almost an epicdemic, it seems? I also heard there were 15 beheaded bodies found in Acupulco last week. Your characters are so well defined Sasha. It is like I am there, listening. This has perfectly done dialogue and is coming along like a real to life case would. The media is like that too, vultures!! Super chapter here my friend!! wow...") Susan
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2011
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What a tragedy, and one that is so real. I hear of this sort of thing EVERY single day in the news here. It's almost an epicdemic, it seems? I also heard there were 15 beheaded bodies found in Acupulco last week. Your characters are so well defined Sasha. It is like I am there, listening. This has perfectly done dialogue and is coming along like a real to life case would. The media is like that too, vultures!! Super chapter here my friend!! wow...") Susan
Comment Written 13-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2011
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I am thrilled you are enjoying this. I have had plenty of personal experience with the media and although there are many that are professional, too many are just as you say, vultures.
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And don't you think that the media somehow contributes to the things that go wrong in the world? Or is it just me? They will do or say anything for a rating. ? S.
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I agree. Ratings are number one.
Comment from Sarah_Goldwell
This is a very well written chapter. The storyline flows well and is easy to follow. The dialogue is good and flows naturally. It is well edited and easy to read.
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2011
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This is a very well written chapter. The storyline flows well and is easy to follow. The dialogue is good and flows naturally. It is well edited and easy to read.
Comment Written 13-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2011
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Thank you so very much. I am pleased you enjoyed this.
Comment from words
I find this as fascinating a read the second time, as I found it the first.
I can't image what horror this family must feel that the man they called husband, father, brother ... is a serial killer. Each and every memory of their lives, must now be tainted with this knowledge.
You have done a wonderful job here.
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2011
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I find this as fascinating a read the second time, as I found it the first.
I can't image what horror this family must feel that the man they called husband, father, brother ... is a serial killer. Each and every memory of their lives, must now be tainted with this knowledge.
You have done a wonderful job here.
Comment Written 13-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2011
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After seeing Robert Yates's (serial killer from Spokane Washington) family on television, begging the public to forgive them for NOT seeing him for what he was, I literally broke down and cried for them. The media treated them horribly and I was so angry. That is one of the reasons I decided to write this book. No one ever thinks about the family or the hell they must go through. Instead, they get blamed for not knowing what no one knew. Glad you like this so far.
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
Together, they disco er (missing the 'v')
Your behavior reflects on your image which, whether you like it or not, in a few hours, is going be public domain not.
(This sentence confused me with the last 'not') This is very well written and detailed in the amount of evidence they have etc. More detailed than most of the crime drama I have read on Fanstory. Good luck with the rest of your book! Debbie
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2011
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Together, they disco er (missing the 'v')
Your behavior reflects on your image which, whether you like it or not, in a few hours, is going be public domain not.
(This sentence confused me with the last 'not') This is very well written and detailed in the amount of evidence they have etc. More detailed than most of the crime drama I have read on Fanstory. Good luck with the rest of your book! Debbie
Comment Written 13-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2011
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I fixed the 'not' but missed the 'discover'. Thanks for catching it. Thanks for the 5 stars too.
Comment from RebelRose
Just found a couple of small nits.
each of your to keep a low profile ... each of you
going to be public domain not ...leave off [not] (I think that's probably where you edited that line and forgot to take that word out)
With all that evidence, Susan, Charlie and their mother, as well as James, will have to face the facts. This was a great chapter. I was spell-bound from beginning to end.
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2011
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Just found a couple of small nits.
each of your to keep a low profile ... each of you
going to be public domain not ...leave off [not] (I think that's probably where you edited that line and forgot to take that word out)
With all that evidence, Susan, Charlie and their mother, as well as James, will have to face the facts. This was a great chapter. I was spell-bound from beginning to end.
Comment Written 13-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2011
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It is always good to have a criminal lawyer in the family as well as an insane and dysfunctional family, gives me plenty to draw from. Thanks for catching the spags too. I am thrilled you are enjoying this one.
