The Heir Apparent
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "Now What?"A family learns their father is a serial killer
35 total reviews
Comment from CALLAHANMR
Hi Valerie:)
This is a tremendous chapter. I can barely imagine the turmoil racing through James mind as he waited for the police to come and reveal that James' father, John Mathews has been arrested as the Belltown Killer.
I liked the way Susan could read James like a book and quickly realized that he knew what was happening before the police arrived.
When James revealed that he had provided the evidence for the arrest, the first thought was that James had betrayed his father an to deny that their father could be a heinous killer.
I noted two small errors as follow:
1 . Believe me, the last thing you want is your picture plastered on the [font ==> front] page of the Seattle PI or on the Eleven O'clock News. {A typo?}
2 . James Mathews is not your typical eighteen-year-old boy. [He has an IQ of 19 that not only makes him smarter than most adults he knows, it makes developing friends his own age next to impossible.{I believe that you raised his IQ in each chapter. I like 190, which is near the top of the scale. Make sure you are consistent.}
I am still unable to get six stars from FanStory, but you know I have plenty of virtual Irish hugs for your outstanding writing.
Roger
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2011
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Hi Valerie:)
This is a tremendous chapter. I can barely imagine the turmoil racing through James mind as he waited for the police to come and reveal that James' father, John Mathews has been arrested as the Belltown Killer.
I liked the way Susan could read James like a book and quickly realized that he knew what was happening before the police arrived.
When James revealed that he had provided the evidence for the arrest, the first thought was that James had betrayed his father an to deny that their father could be a heinous killer.
I noted two small errors as follow:
1 . Believe me, the last thing you want is your picture plastered on the [font ==> front] page of the Seattle PI or on the Eleven O'clock News. {A typo?}
2 . James Mathews is not your typical eighteen-year-old boy. [He has an IQ of 19 that not only makes him smarter than most adults he knows, it makes developing friends his own age next to impossible.{I believe that you raised his IQ in each chapter. I like 190, which is near the top of the scale. Make sure you are consistent.}
I am still unable to get six stars from FanStory, but you know I have plenty of virtual Irish hugs for your outstanding writing.
Roger
Comment Written 11-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2011
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Thanks for catching the typos. I am so pleased you like the changes.
Comment from Tellis
What a shock this would be to any family, but dep down I think they all knew the truth. I enjoyed this chapter and the emotions were done so well I felt them.
Tellis
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2011
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What a shock this would be to any family, but dep down I think they all knew the truth. I enjoyed this chapter and the emotions were done so well I felt them.
Tellis
Comment Written 11-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2011
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Thank you so much. I am thrilled you liked this one.
Comment from whitteron
This is moving along very well. You have created just the right amount of tension, and still cover the territory that needs to be revealed. I can't wait to see what happens.
A few typos and misses..
gave her a big hug
my heart skipped a beat
your lives are never
to get the hell out of
Authors notes have some typos
friends with Mac and
discover some
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2011
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This is moving along very well. You have created just the right amount of tension, and still cover the territory that needs to be revealed. I can't wait to see what happens.
A few typos and misses..
gave her a big hug
my heart skipped a beat
your lives are never
to get the hell out of
Authors notes have some typos
friends with Mac and
discover some
Comment Written 11-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2011
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I caught some of them but missed the ones in the author's notes. Thanks for he great review.
Comment from Readywriter52
James was right when he predicted the family would be upset when the police arrived. They blame James for betraying the family. They can't believe that their father would do such a horrible thing. The chapter captures their confusion, angry, and shock well.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2011
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James was right when he predicted the family would be upset when the police arrived. They blame James for betraying the family. They can't believe that their father would do such a horrible thing. The chapter captures their confusion, angry, and shock well.
Comment Written 11-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2011
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That was what I was aiming for. Glad you liked it.
Comment from marcellawachtel
This chapter is excellent! Every word every phrase is essential and there is no waste 'trimming' to take away from the exciting situation you have constructed here.
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2011
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This chapter is excellent! Every word every phrase is essential and there is no waste 'trimming' to take away from the exciting situation you have constructed here.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2011
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I am so pleased you liked this one. Thank you for the wonderful 6 stars, I sincerely appreciate it.
Comment from Kathryn Varuzza
Powerful chapter.
Good descriptions.
I like the dialogue.
Good level of suspense
and tension
Interesting.
Good ending for the chapter as well.
Very emotional.
Katie
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2011
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Powerful chapter.
Good descriptions.
I like the dialogue.
Good level of suspense
and tension
Interesting.
Good ending for the chapter as well.
Very emotional.
Katie
Comment Written 10-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2011
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Thanks so much. I am very pleased you liked this one.
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You're welcome.
Katie
Comment from Southern Writer
....how much control Dad had over all of us. Because it was always there, it seemed normal....this might be one of the best lines in this story. It explains so much about the family.
....all I wanted to do was scream SHUT UP! good writing. I felt for poor James. It painted a picture of how uptight he was.
How did Susan and Charlie know James had anything to do with their dad's arrest.
When Mom put her arms around Charlie's neck, she sounded sort of stiff. Shouldn't she be a bit more flustered, not sure what to think or say?
Yea, this story is better than the old one. There is already a ton of suspence.
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2011
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....how much control Dad had over all of us. Because it was always there, it seemed normal....this might be one of the best lines in this story. It explains so much about the family.
....all I wanted to do was scream SHUT UP! good writing. I felt for poor James. It painted a picture of how uptight he was.
How did Susan and Charlie know James had anything to do with their dad's arrest.
When Mom put her arms around Charlie's neck, she sounded sort of stiff. Shouldn't she be a bit more flustered, not sure what to think or say?
Yea, this story is better than the old one. There is already a ton of suspence.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2011
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How did Susan and Charlie know James had anything to do with their dad's arrest...this is a section I need to clarify, I'm working on it right now. I clarify Mom's zombie like reaction in the next chapter. Since she no longer is the one who finds the original evidence she takes a slight backseat in the beginning. Her character is going to be more that of someone who doesn't what to make waves and just wants everyone to get along.
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Sorry, been out of touch. I did read the next chapter.....just got back to your reply on this one..like always you know what you are doing, I just need to sit back and enjoy the story. And,wow, you are right, the mom being someone who just doesn't want to make waves is perfect. That does fit in with the kind of marriage she had.
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is a good chapter for your book, i haven't read the other chapters but will go back to them so i can find out the beginning, this chapter stands out of its own. a couple of spags, i hung my head, not heard, mohammed ali
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2011
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this is a good chapter for your book, i haven't read the other chapters but will go back to them so i can find out the beginning, this chapter stands out of its own. a couple of spags, i hung my head, not heard, mohammed ali
Comment Written 10-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2011
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Thanks for catching the spags. Glad you like this chapter.
Comment from rkstata
This is really good. I like how it feels like you can really see the story when you're reading it, and I liked the way you used all sorts of emotions. Good Job.
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2011
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This is really good. I like how it feels like you can really see the story when you're reading it, and I liked the way you used all sorts of emotions. Good Job.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2011
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The one thing this family will not be lacking is emotion. Glad you enjoyed this and thank you so much for the marvelous 6 stars, I sincerely appreciate it.
Comment from words
I felt James' tension waiting for the awful moment when the police would come and life, as he knew it would be over.
The families reaction was so sadly typical ... blame the person who told the truth about the horrific act ... not the person who committed it.
I was curious about one thing, why was Charlie so certain that it had been James who had told the police something about their father?
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2011
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I felt James' tension waiting for the awful moment when the police would come and life, as he knew it would be over.
The families reaction was so sadly typical ... blame the person who told the truth about the horrific act ... not the person who committed it.
I was curious about one thing, why was Charlie so certain that it had been James who had told the police something about their father?
Comment Written 10-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2011
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I probably need to clarify that section but when Det. Acres said they had a search warrant to look for additional evidence it told them that someone had already found evidence and James had been acting suspiciously all morning....