The Phone Call
Contest entry43 total reviews
Comment from barbara.wilkey
This is a very good flash fiction story. I was shocked at the ending. You did a good job with the descriptions and charachter developement.
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2010
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This is a very good flash fiction story. I was shocked at the ending. You did a good job with the descriptions and charachter developement.
Comment Written 07-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2010
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Thank you very much. I am pleased you liked this one.
Comment from Tedisking
:D Wow that's awesome. The truth isn't always the truth :P... You can leave yourself in the hands of god but why not help god help you. The main character should have gotten rid of the weapon that they picked up :P... then again there wouldn't have been a story :P.
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2010
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:D Wow that's awesome. The truth isn't always the truth :P... You can leave yourself in the hands of god but why not help god help you. The main character should have gotten rid of the weapon that they picked up :P... then again there wouldn't have been a story :P.
Comment Written 07-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2010
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So true. I am pleased you liked this one.
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I think it was one of your best.
Comment from RKagan
This story is riviting. I felt the pain of the abusive father and the knowledge that no matter what the protagonist did she would be excuted anyway. This is well written, and it keeps the reader on the edge of their seat.
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2010
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This story is riviting. I felt the pain of the abusive father and the knowledge that no matter what the protagonist did she would be excuted anyway. This is well written, and it keeps the reader on the edge of their seat.
Comment Written 07-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2010
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Thank you. I am pleased you liked this despite its dark nature.
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It was very well written, and although it was dark, it had logic to it. The reader understood why your protagonist behaved the way she did. It was really good.
Comment from ladybird
This is written so very well. The reader can feel the convicted person's feelings of giving up so well.
An enjoyable read.
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2010
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This is written so very well. The reader can feel the convicted person's feelings of giving up so well.
An enjoyable read.
Comment Written 07-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2010
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Thanks. I am pleased you liked this one
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You're welcome.
Comment from c_lucas
This is very well written with a twist. I have never known the death pentalty for an abused person for killing her abuser. Good luck in your contest.
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2010
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This is very well written with a twist. I have never known the death pentalty for an abused person for killing her abuser. Good luck in your contest.
Comment Written 07-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2010
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Probably no in this day and age, but when I was a child, sadly it happened more often than you might believe. Glad you liked this one.
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I remember a woman getting three years for shooting a man to keep him from raping her.Yours was a good write.
Comment from Readywriter52
This is a very emotional story. She knows that she didn't kill her father, but she probably would have is he lived long enough. Should we punish someone for something they might have done?
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2010
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This is a very emotional story. She knows that she didn't kill her father, but she probably would have is he lived long enough. Should we punish someone for something they might have done?
Comment Written 07-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2010
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Personally, I don't think we should ever punish someone for something the may do in the future. She is tired and no longer has the energy to fight the system. She poses the question to the warden and leaves answering it up to him. She is ready to accept the inevitable.
Comment from Alaskastory
'The Phone Call' is well written and tells so much story in a few words. You are turly good at flash fiction.
You might consider a change to 'to commute': 'Now my fate rests on a phone call from the Governor[, commuting] to commute my sentence of death to...'
Might need a comma: 'All eyes, except mine(,) are focused on the...'
Really good story, Smurph.
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2010
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'The Phone Call' is well written and tells so much story in a few words. You are turly good at flash fiction.
You might consider a change to 'to commute': 'Now my fate rests on a phone call from the Governor[, commuting] to commute my sentence of death to...'
Might need a comma: 'All eyes, except mine(,) are focused on the...'
Really good story, Smurph.
Comment Written 07-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2010
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Thanks for catching the spags. I am pleased you liked this one despite its dark nature.
Comment from Roberta Joan Jensen
There are songs, stories, and books galore on whether God answers prayer. I have to say, though, that this is the first story I've read where God answered a prayer in such a negative way. Very interesting twist.
Roberta
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2010
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There are songs, stories, and books galore on whether God answers prayer. I have to say, though, that this is the first story I've read where God answered a prayer in such a negative way. Very interesting twist.
Roberta
Comment Written 07-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2010
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This was what he wanted after fifteen long years of waiting. He wanted peace and God answered his prayer. Thank for the positive review despite its dark nature.
Comment from Kathryn Varuzza
Interesting story.
I like it.
Good descriptions.
I like his last words.
Great ending.
I like the artwork.
Good title too.
Good luck in the contest.
Katie
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2010
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Interesting story.
I like it.
Good descriptions.
I like his last words.
Great ending.
I like the artwork.
Good title too.
Good luck in the contest.
Katie
Comment Written 07-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2010
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Thanks. I am pleased you liked this despite its dark nature.
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You're welcome.
katie
Comment from jmdg1954
Wow... I am more use to reading the stories from Mazatlan. Yjos one was extremely well writtin. Does keep one thinking about execution of an innocent person.
Well done... John
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2010
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Wow... I am more use to reading the stories from Mazatlan. Yjos one was extremely well writtin. Does keep one thinking about execution of an innocent person.
Well done... John
Comment Written 07-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2010
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Thanks. I am pleased you liked it despite the dark nature of this one.
