Redemption
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "Enigma"One Man's Return From Hell
29 total reviews
Comment from missy98writer
Bill,
chapter nine titled Enigma of you book redemption is extremely well written. You do a fantastic job adding suspense in your writing. Excellent dialogue, marvelous narrative and great descriptive writing cap off this chapter. You do great writing about tension. I enjoy the fact there is an undertone of romance, but not over blown like in a romance. Alden Bishop is a crafty bad guy. I enjoyed your description of him: "Alden was about as close to a muscle man as Gus had left. He did not have the size of the two departed, but made up for that in smarts and meanness." I liked the fact that Beth and Dax check each other out. "It would have been embarrassing to admit that she was thinking of the way he looked in his boxers and tee-shirt." And Dax was also interested in her attire. "Beth had put a robe on, but when she walked out earlier in a thin cotton nightgown, the light behind her provided a backdrop that outlined a pretty special body." You cracked me up writing about the Wendy's slogan "Where's the Beef?" The last section of your chapter deals with Deputy Stanely Tate and officer, Nikki Tate. I liked their banter. Then the stumble a meth lab. I sense danger Will Robinson. I will be happy to read your next chapter. You did a terrific job on chapter nine. Have a lovely day.
Melissa.
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2010
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Bill,
chapter nine titled Enigma of you book redemption is extremely well written. You do a fantastic job adding suspense in your writing. Excellent dialogue, marvelous narrative and great descriptive writing cap off this chapter. You do great writing about tension. I enjoy the fact there is an undertone of romance, but not over blown like in a romance. Alden Bishop is a crafty bad guy. I enjoyed your description of him: "Alden was about as close to a muscle man as Gus had left. He did not have the size of the two departed, but made up for that in smarts and meanness." I liked the fact that Beth and Dax check each other out. "It would have been embarrassing to admit that she was thinking of the way he looked in his boxers and tee-shirt." And Dax was also interested in her attire. "Beth had put a robe on, but when she walked out earlier in a thin cotton nightgown, the light behind her provided a backdrop that outlined a pretty special body." You cracked me up writing about the Wendy's slogan "Where's the Beef?" The last section of your chapter deals with Deputy Stanely Tate and officer, Nikki Tate. I liked their banter. Then the stumble a meth lab. I sense danger Will Robinson. I will be happy to read your next chapter. You did a terrific job on chapter nine. Have a lovely day.
Melissa.
Comment Written 14-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2010
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Thank you very much Melissa for such a nice review! Regards, Bill
Comment from highlander104
I have just come in on this book, and I must say, you have a talent for suspense. There is just enough dialogue and narrative to keep the story moving along. Looks like a couple of romances brewing. I guess we'll see. I enjoyed this and will return to read the previous chapters.
Jean K.
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2010
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I have just come in on this book, and I must say, you have a talent for suspense. There is just enough dialogue and narrative to keep the story moving along. Looks like a couple of romances brewing. I guess we'll see. I enjoyed this and will return to read the previous chapters.
Jean K.
Comment Written 14-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2010
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Thank you very much Jean. Chapters 1 and 2 would probably get you enough backdrop to carry on with future posts. I do appreciate you reading and your kind and generous review. Regards, Bill
Comment from koneart
Gus was slow and careful. Even with the micro light, it was awkward walking across a dirt and gravel driveway in the pitch black darkness. He stumbled once over a tree root. When he approached his car, he saw a cigarette flipped, sparks spinning end over end [comma?] into the darkness.
"So how did it go?" This question, [delete comma :0)] came from the dim outline of a person outside his car. "Was it the guy you thought?" Alden Bishop was waiting for Gus. With the demise of Donny and Jake, Alden was about as close to a muscle man as Gus had left. He did not have the size of the two departed, but made up for that in smarts and meanness.
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The house was built around old southern plans and was understated in many ways. That did not include the bathrooms. Beth was in the master. The shower had several high pressure heads and would pulse you from three sides. She had the temperature at a point so high, her skin was radiating. After a few minutes, she turned the water down to ice cold. She was actually thinking, [need to italics the thought] I won't be able to do this for many more years. I could have a heart attack.
Just a few little things to think about. I believe you have a lot of potential for more action. It's good. A nice read.
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2010
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Gus was slow and careful. Even with the micro light, it was awkward walking across a dirt and gravel driveway in the pitch black darkness. He stumbled once over a tree root. When he approached his car, he saw a cigarette flipped, sparks spinning end over end [comma?] into the darkness.
"So how did it go?" This question, [delete comma :0)] came from the dim outline of a person outside his car. "Was it the guy you thought?" Alden Bishop was waiting for Gus. With the demise of Donny and Jake, Alden was about as close to a muscle man as Gus had left. He did not have the size of the two departed, but made up for that in smarts and meanness.
************************
The house was built around old southern plans and was understated in many ways. That did not include the bathrooms. Beth was in the master. The shower had several high pressure heads and would pulse you from three sides. She had the temperature at a point so high, her skin was radiating. After a few minutes, she turned the water down to ice cold. She was actually thinking, [need to italics the thought] I won't be able to do this for many more years. I could have a heart attack.
Just a few little things to think about. I believe you have a lot of potential for more action. It's good. A nice read.
Comment Written 14-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2010
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Thanks for reading and the kind feedback. I'll check the italics. The posting gremlin may have eaten them. They were definitely there at one time! More action coming. Writing in a posting format, I try and write smaller segments, so once in awhile, you have to write a "connector" chapter. Regards, Bill
Comment from RazberryBullet
Got a laugh here: Nikki chuckled. "Okay. I just wouldn't want a man of your advanced years to have a stroke."
Glad to know that Dax does Tai Chi :)
Nice hook at the end!
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2010
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Got a laugh here: Nikki chuckled. "Okay. I just wouldn't want a man of your advanced years to have a stroke."
Glad to know that Dax does Tai Chi :)
Nice hook at the end!
Comment Written 14-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2010
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Thanks RB - I do Tai Chi too, but look more like Beth! Regards, Bill
Comment from R. K. Alan
I sense a relationship brewing between Dax and Lael. Not uncommon for a victim to fall for her rescuer. I enjoyed the dialogue. It moved the story line along nicely without getting in the way or bogging things down. Thanks for a nice read. Ray aka Krylon
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2010
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I sense a relationship brewing between Dax and Lael. Not uncommon for a victim to fall for her rescuer. I enjoyed the dialogue. It moved the story line along nicely without getting in the way or bogging things down. Thanks for a nice read. Ray aka Krylon
Comment Written 14-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2010
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Thanks for reading Ray - just got done with your latest post which was well done.
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Thanks, your's as well. Ray
Comment from dportwood
bhogg,
I like the action, conversation, and descriptions you include as you unfold this story in great story telling fashion.
You may wish to consider this:
Where's the Meat?
How about:
Where's the Beef?
Duane
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2010
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bhogg,
I like the action, conversation, and descriptions you include as you unfold this story in great story telling fashion.
You may wish to consider this:
Where's the Meat?
How about:
Where's the Beef?
Duane
Comment Written 14-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2010
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Thanks Duane - I think you're right about that. Appreciate you reading and supporting this story. Regards, Bill
Comment from c_lucas
This is a well written chapter, developing the characters very nicely. It has good imagery and descriptive scheme. Very good job. I am thoroughly enjoying this tail... er...tale.
Georgia Boy, you befuddled me with this sentence.
I worked with Dax back in the day.(Sentence doesn't make sense.)
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2010
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This is a well written chapter, developing the characters very nicely. It has good imagery and descriptive scheme. Very good job. I am thoroughly enjoying this tail... er...tale.
Georgia Boy, you befuddled me with this sentence.
I worked with Dax back in the day.(Sentence doesn't make sense.)
Comment Written 14-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2010
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Back in the day is pretty common, but if confusing to you, perhaps I'll revisit. Wouldn't hurt to change. Thanks for reading and your kind feedback.
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Don't change it, if no one else is confused,
Comment from RebelRose
I was wondering when you would post another chapter. Looks like the scene is being set for Dax and Beth to form a relationship. I'm wondering what Gus is really up to. I don't believe he was just bringing a file by. Odd time and way to be delivering a file.
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reply by the author on 14-Oct-2010
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I was wondering when you would post another chapter. Looks like the scene is being set for Dax and Beth to form a relationship. I'm wondering what Gus is really up to. I don't believe he was just bringing a file by. Odd time and way to be delivering a file.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2010
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Hi Patty - I'm a Southerner. You know we are all hopeless romantics! Thanks for reading!
Comment from humpwhistle
The story continues to move along nicely. You're turning up the heat for a possible connection between Dax and Beth.
Gus is dirty, or has his own agenda. Your dialog reminds me of Robert B. Parker, but the story feels more like Lee Child. Am I in the neighborhood?
Peace, Lee
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reply by the author on 14-Oct-2010
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The story continues to move along nicely. You're turning up the heat for a possible connection between Dax and Beth.
Gus is dirty, or has his own agenda. Your dialog reminds me of Robert B. Parker, but the story feels more like Lee Child. Am I in the neighborhood?
Peace, Lee
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2010
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I hadn't really thought about it. You picked two authors that I frequently read, so not surprised that some of that is bouncing around my noggin. Thanks for reading.