Rooted in Dixie
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "The Day Willpower Died"My early life and Southern roots
42 total reviews
Comment from Ric Myworld
Well, I must admit you had more willpower than me, even as a child. If I had it, I ate it. But luckily, I couldn't gain a pound as a young, active person, but as I've aged, that sure has changed. LOL. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2023
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Well, I must admit you had more willpower than me, even as a child. If I had it, I ate it. But luckily, I couldn't gain a pound as a young, active person, but as I've aged, that sure has changed. LOL. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 02-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2023
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Thank you Ric, I still don't have over seventeen days worth. LOL
Beth
Comment from --Turtle.
Hi BethShelby, I read through this I remember writing prompt,
I found this short memory to be charming and humorous, and it tied up so nicely, flowed very well, held my attention the entire time. I thought this was a great story and was glad to have read it.
I only saw one thing to possibly make myself useful and suggest, but it's also fine as it is, just my thought as I was passing through.
It is good to learn these sorts of things early so you won't [be expecting](expect?) too much later on.
I got a chuckle at the end... there's a bit of humor in the truth of will power though. nice.
--Turtle.
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2010
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Hi BethShelby, I read through this I remember writing prompt,
I found this short memory to be charming and humorous, and it tied up so nicely, flowed very well, held my attention the entire time. I thought this was a great story and was glad to have read it.
I only saw one thing to possibly make myself useful and suggest, but it's also fine as it is, just my thought as I was passing through.
It is good to learn these sorts of things early so you won't [be expecting](expect?) too much later on.
I got a chuckle at the end... there's a bit of humor in the truth of will power though. nice.
--Turtle.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2010
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Thank you Turtle, I really appreciate the nice comment. I'm glad you like it. I appreciate the suggestion. I thought it sounded a little more humorous that way but maybe it just sounds like bad writing. I'll probably change it.
Beth
Beth
Comment from nancyjam
Beth, this is a great story and I love
the ending about your diet for 17 days.
Nice details in the story and specifics
make it real. The names of the candy bars etc.
And as I mentioned the ending is just perfect.
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2010
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Beth, this is a great story and I love
the ending about your diet for 17 days.
Nice details in the story and specifics
make it real. The names of the candy bars etc.
And as I mentioned the ending is just perfect.
Comment Written 06-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2010
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Thank you nancyjam. I appreciate your review and comments. Seventeen days just isn't enough unfortunately. LOL
Beth
Comment from missy98writer
BethShelby,
your humor essay is a hoot. What a delightful read. I'm a chocoholic and a candy bar freak. I buy the tiny one so I won't eat too many. You essay is excellent. Wonderful narrative. Here are the lines I enjoyed:
Every few hours, I would sneak into my play area and uncover the bars to count them as the tally grew. There were Hershey bars, Paydays, Almond Joys, Baby Ruths, and a host of other candies which no longer exist. My mouth would water considerably, but I would stubbornly resist the urge, growing prouder each day of my remarkable will power.
Then suddenly on the seventeenth day, my resistance failed. Maybe it was because the area beneath the pad was overflowing, or maybe it was because that was as far as I had learned to count. At any rate, I could stand it no longer. My mouth was salivating, and I figured I'd have just one. One turned into two, and so on until I had consumed ten of those sweet chocolaty concoctions. By that time, I was violently ill and never wanted to see another candy bar again.
I'm glad your sweet tooth recovered. Thanks for the chuckles on a Sunday.
Melissa.
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2010
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BethShelby,
your humor essay is a hoot. What a delightful read. I'm a chocoholic and a candy bar freak. I buy the tiny one so I won't eat too many. You essay is excellent. Wonderful narrative. Here are the lines I enjoyed:
Every few hours, I would sneak into my play area and uncover the bars to count them as the tally grew. There were Hershey bars, Paydays, Almond Joys, Baby Ruths, and a host of other candies which no longer exist. My mouth would water considerably, but I would stubbornly resist the urge, growing prouder each day of my remarkable will power.
Then suddenly on the seventeenth day, my resistance failed. Maybe it was because the area beneath the pad was overflowing, or maybe it was because that was as far as I had learned to count. At any rate, I could stand it no longer. My mouth was salivating, and I figured I'd have just one. One turned into two, and so on until I had consumed ten of those sweet chocolaty concoctions. By that time, I was violently ill and never wanted to see another candy bar again.
I'm glad your sweet tooth recovered. Thanks for the chuckles on a Sunday.
Melissa.
Comment Written 05-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2010
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Melissa, I'm so glad you saw the humor in this as I meant it to be. From the comments, I think so people took it quite seriously. I really appreciate the review and comments.
Beth
Comment from Southern Writer
Great opening to a very cute story. You painted a good picture of a 5 year old and how they reason.
You, also, painted a good picture of all of us adults..we all have our limits. Keep up the good work
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2010
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Great opening to a very cute story. You painted a good picture of a 5 year old and how they reason.
You, also, painted a good picture of all of us adults..we all have our limits. Keep up the good work
Comment Written 05-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2010
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Thank you so much for the review and comments.
From another Southern Writer,
Beth
Comment from skye
Those darn sweet tooth cravings. Your story is familliar, well written, appeals to the masses, and has learning and teaching moments galore.
Very well done.
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2010
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Those darn sweet tooth cravings. Your story is familliar, well written, appeals to the masses, and has learning and teaching moments galore.
Very well done.
Comment Written 04-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2010
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Thanks for the review. I'm glad you liked it. It hasn't done well in the contest but you can't win them all. I had fun writing it and I did win one today.
Comment from Nicnac
Re-Rated :)
LOL
I loved the witty ending. Seventeen days... LOL
I enjoyed your story. I could picture you stashing your treasured treats away, thinking it was a good plan -- but ultimately it made you ill. ;)
Suggestions:
candy bar was as about as big as the kind (omit the first 'as')
BabyRuths (Baby Ruths - two words)
the area beneath the pad was full to overflowing (if you omit 'full to' it would flow smoother. e.g. 'the area beneath the pad was overflowing'.)
chocolatey (chocolaty)
If you make adjustments, please let me know. I'd be happy to return and re-rate. :)
The artwork you chose is perfect for this whimsical tale. I enjoyed the read. :)
Nic
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2010
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Re-Rated :)
LOL
I loved the witty ending. Seventeen days... LOL
I enjoyed your story. I could picture you stashing your treasured treats away, thinking it was a good plan -- but ultimately it made you ill. ;)
Suggestions:
candy bar was as about as big as the kind (omit the first 'as')
BabyRuths (Baby Ruths - two words)
the area beneath the pad was full to overflowing (if you omit 'full to' it would flow smoother. e.g. 'the area beneath the pad was overflowing'.)
chocolatey (chocolaty)
If you make adjustments, please let me know. I'd be happy to return and re-rate. :)
The artwork you chose is perfect for this whimsical tale. I enjoyed the read. :)
Nic
Comment Written 04-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2010
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Nic, Thank you so much for this in depth review with suggested changes. I really appreciate people who are willing to change the rating once the changes are made. I have made those changes. I looked up chocolatey/chocolaty and it can be spelled either way, but I changed it anyway. I think I will nominate you for the reviewer of the month.
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It was my pleasure!
Oopsie - I didn't know about the two ways of spelling chocolat(e)y. :) Sorry about that.
You're so kind to nominate me. Thank you so much! :)
I've re-rated. I enjoyed your story!
Comment from liz10240
I really enjoyed your story. It was well written, concise, clear and had that dash of humor that kept me smiling all the way to the end. Good luck in this contest.
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2010
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I really enjoyed your story. It was well written, concise, clear and had that dash of humor that kept me smiling all the way to the end. Good luck in this contest.
Comment Written 04-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2010
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Thank you Liz, I really appreciate the reveiw and comments. I glad you found the humor there.
Comment from redrider6612
This was a charming little tale from your childhood with an ironic life lesson. Good flow with a bit of wordiness here and there. The preponderance of "would" is unnecessary. Here are some specific suggestions (brackets=delete; parenthesis=add):
[It is good to learn these sorts of things early so you won't be expecting too much later on.]--this is telling
was as about as big as the kind you have to mortgage something, like an arm or leg, in order to buy in the local theaters now. --too wordy
[out] without telling anyone [what was going on].
My mother [kept busy teaching](taught) me [all about] everything she thought her only little angel needed to know
other candies[,] which no longer
Maybe it was because the area beneath the pad was full to overflowing, or maybe it was because that was as far as I had learned to count.--reword to remove all the "was" and "because" and wordiness; try: Maybe because the hiding spot got full, or maybe I didn't know how to count any higher.
My mouth [was salivating]--passive; try: "watered"
The aversion to candy lasted a couple of weeks, while the sweet tooth recovered enough to override everything.--this doesn't make sense
It was then[,] I found out
Overall, a cute little story. Best wishes in the contest.
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2010
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This was a charming little tale from your childhood with an ironic life lesson. Good flow with a bit of wordiness here and there. The preponderance of "would" is unnecessary. Here are some specific suggestions (brackets=delete; parenthesis=add):
[It is good to learn these sorts of things early so you won't be expecting too much later on.]--this is telling
was as about as big as the kind you have to mortgage something, like an arm or leg, in order to buy in the local theaters now. --too wordy
[out] without telling anyone [what was going on].
My mother [kept busy teaching](taught) me [all about] everything she thought her only little angel needed to know
other candies[,] which no longer
Maybe it was because the area beneath the pad was full to overflowing, or maybe it was because that was as far as I had learned to count.--reword to remove all the "was" and "because" and wordiness; try: Maybe because the hiding spot got full, or maybe I didn't know how to count any higher.
My mouth [was salivating]--passive; try: "watered"
The aversion to candy lasted a couple of weeks, while the sweet tooth recovered enough to override everything.--this doesn't make sense
It was then[,] I found out
Overall, a cute little story. Best wishes in the contest.
Comment Written 04-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2010
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Thanks for the reivew and for taking so much time to explain the changes you thought necessary. I did use some of them.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello author,
your story about will power and giving into temptations is very good.
Your closure is well said.
Smiles
Gert
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2010
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Hello author,
your story about will power and giving into temptations is very good.
Your closure is well said.
Smiles
Gert
Comment Written 04-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2010
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Thanks Gert, I appreciate you stopping by to read and comment on this memory from my childhood.
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You are welcome
Gert