Redemption
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Murder"One Man's Return From Hell
26 total reviews
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written with good form, good flow, a good storyline, i like the development of the characters. i have to go back to read the other chapters as well
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2010
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this is very well written with good form, good flow, a good storyline, i like the development of the characters. i have to go back to read the other chapters as well
Comment Written 30-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2010
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Thanks for reading and for the great feedback. Chapter 1 was actually an award winner for strong character. I got a lot of feedback to continue, so .....
Comment from lola29
Bill, this is good writing because you've evoked so much emotion. What a dummy the sheriff is. He's going to arrest someone for murder without any probably cause? At least Jimmy is showing some common sense. I can't for the next chapter.
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2010
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Bill, this is good writing because you've evoked so much emotion. What a dummy the sheriff is. He's going to arrest someone for murder without any probably cause? At least Jimmy is showing some common sense. I can't for the next chapter.
Comment Written 30-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2010
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Yep - Jimmy is no dunce. This will be a slam dunk!
Comment from missy98writer
Bill,
this is the first time I'm catching you book 'Redemption.' Chapter four is very well written and an enjoyable read. Marvelous characterization, excellent narrative, great dialogue and very descriptive writing. I love a good murder murder mystery and you've written an excellent one. Here are the lines that stood out for me:
Stanley repeated himself. "They're dead. We got here just a minute or two before you. We walked in and saw them lying on the ground. There wasn't a lot of blood or anything, but when I walked over to them, you could see the small holes in the back of their heads. I felt for a pulse, but there wasn't one. The bodies were still warm to the touch. We just backed out slow and easy, so as to not disturb the crime scene."
Dax looked at her before replying. "Your friend Jimmy is a little beyond Barney Fife. Firing a gun is a little like opening a champagne bottle. Most of the explosion goes forward, but a little bit of bubbly always comes backwards. What he first did was to visually exam our hands for gunpowder. He then opened up that little kit which is called a gunshot residue kit. The sticky, sterile surface will lift off any traces of gunpowder. The visual exam itself will usually indicate if a gun has been fired. If you've fired a gun within 6 hours, the GSR kit will test positive."
At that moment, the sheriff's car slid to a stop outside of the shack. Dax looked over as Sheriff Bailey got out. It wasn't a time to smile, but he almost could. Bailey was a stereotype of a southern sheriff. He was dressed professionally, but was about forty pounds overweight. He had to move the seat of the car back to get his gut out.
Bailey walked back over to the car that held Dax and Lael. Looking at Stanley he loudly said, "I want you to read Connor his rights and cuff him. He's under arrest for murder."
I look forward to reading more of this intriguing story. I will try to go back and read the previous chapters when I get a chance. Wonderful crime fiction. Thanks for sharing. . .Melissa.
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2010
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Bill,
this is the first time I'm catching you book 'Redemption.' Chapter four is very well written and an enjoyable read. Marvelous characterization, excellent narrative, great dialogue and very descriptive writing. I love a good murder murder mystery and you've written an excellent one. Here are the lines that stood out for me:
Stanley repeated himself. "They're dead. We got here just a minute or two before you. We walked in and saw them lying on the ground. There wasn't a lot of blood or anything, but when I walked over to them, you could see the small holes in the back of their heads. I felt for a pulse, but there wasn't one. The bodies were still warm to the touch. We just backed out slow and easy, so as to not disturb the crime scene."
Dax looked at her before replying. "Your friend Jimmy is a little beyond Barney Fife. Firing a gun is a little like opening a champagne bottle. Most of the explosion goes forward, but a little bit of bubbly always comes backwards. What he first did was to visually exam our hands for gunpowder. He then opened up that little kit which is called a gunshot residue kit. The sticky, sterile surface will lift off any traces of gunpowder. The visual exam itself will usually indicate if a gun has been fired. If you've fired a gun within 6 hours, the GSR kit will test positive."
At that moment, the sheriff's car slid to a stop outside of the shack. Dax looked over as Sheriff Bailey got out. It wasn't a time to smile, but he almost could. Bailey was a stereotype of a southern sheriff. He was dressed professionally, but was about forty pounds overweight. He had to move the seat of the car back to get his gut out.
Bailey walked back over to the car that held Dax and Lael. Looking at Stanley he loudly said, "I want you to read Connor his rights and cuff him. He's under arrest for murder."
I look forward to reading more of this intriguing story. I will try to go back and read the previous chapters when I get a chance. Wonderful crime fiction. Thanks for sharing. . .Melissa.
Comment Written 30-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2010
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Thanks Melissa - look out over the internet...that is me smiling :) Chapter 1 was actually an award winner for strong character story. I had so many people ask for more of the character, I started the book. A little new - much more difficult than single stories. Thanks and regards, Bill
Comment from thebyers21
Very well written piece and it deserved 6 stars. You really brought your characters to life and your dialogue was spot on. Great job of storytellin in this chapter.
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2010
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Very well written piece and it deserved 6 stars. You really brought your characters to life and your dialogue was spot on. Great job of storytellin in this chapter.
Comment Written 30-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2010
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Thanks for reading and for your generous feedback.
Comment from Soledadpaz
I think you mean he walked to the front of the car and laid the case on the (hood).
i knew Dax was going to be in a world of trouble. He should have stayed with the assailants since the girl drove anyway to get the deputy.
Great read.
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2010
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I think you mean he walked to the front of the car and laid the case on the (hood).
i knew Dax was going to be in a world of trouble. He should have stayed with the assailants since the girl drove anyway to get the deputy.
Great read.
Comment Written 30-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2010
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Ah, but you see, the next chapter is going to address that very point. You'll have to stay tuned. Regards,
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Sorry, I keep getting in front of the story. It's fun though, if Dax is so well trained why is he acting so dumb in a pohokey town?
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Just keep giving me ideas - I'll steal every one!
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OK!
Comment from Earthwriter
i can tell you know alot about police work it definitely shows you have a lot of knowledge i thought this piece was very entertaining
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reply by the author on 30-Aug-2010
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i can tell you know alot about police work it definitely shows you have a lot of knowledge i thought this piece was very entertaining
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 30-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2010
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Thanks for reading and for your feedback!