My First snow
Sweet childhood memory38 total reviews
Comment from gramalot8
A very well written, cute whimsical story. I wish we could all see and enjoy an orange fairy with each new snowfall. What a joy! Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2010
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A very well written, cute whimsical story. I wish we could all see and enjoy an orange fairy with each new snowfall. What a joy! Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 15-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2010
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Thank you so much,. The voting booth is open right now:)
Comment from Jnetgame
Cute story with the some descriptive images created. I did not one minor thing to correct in the following sentence:
She giggles and flys (flies) around the room like a bumblebee.
I hope this helps. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2010
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Cute story with the some descriptive images created. I did not one minor thing to correct in the following sentence:
She giggles and flys (flies) around the room like a bumblebee.
I hope this helps. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 14-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2010
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Thanks so much for the catches, I was able to fx them!
The story is in the voting booth right now:)
Comment from meg2
This is a delightful story. The orange fairy took me by surprise, a nice surprise. I am a little confused because you say it is non fiction but it sounds more like fantasy is a part of the story a dream? This is not made clear. I like your expressions "Pad across" and descriptions, the way the fairy giggles. Nice work I think this could be expanded on. Good luck.
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2010
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This is a delightful story. The orange fairy took me by surprise, a nice surprise. I am a little confused because you say it is non fiction but it sounds more like fantasy is a part of the story a dream? This is not made clear. I like your expressions "Pad across" and descriptions, the way the fairy giggles. Nice work I think this could be expanded on. Good luck.
Comment Written 14-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2010
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Thank you so much for reading and commenting on my story, it's obviously a dream, but since it was my dream back when I was a child I figured I should label it as bio/non fiction. Not sure now that was wise.....
Comment from JimLee
I like it. You do a pretty good job of depicting a little girls imagination. Parts of it come to me as a Disney cartoon which I think is the image you want readers to see.
The first sentence seems a bit unrelated to me, perhaps not even necessary.
Some of the metaphors seem unbelievable and therefore awkward. I believe metaphors should be realistic in order to flow. For example, a sleigh is a big heavy chunk of steel and timber pulled by huge draft horses, they are never light enough to be pushed by the wind.
Leaves, feathers, snowflakes, fairy's, smoke, etc, can be pushed by wind.
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2010
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I like it. You do a pretty good job of depicting a little girls imagination. Parts of it come to me as a Disney cartoon which I think is the image you want readers to see.
The first sentence seems a bit unrelated to me, perhaps not even necessary.
Some of the metaphors seem unbelievable and therefore awkward. I believe metaphors should be realistic in order to flow. For example, a sleigh is a big heavy chunk of steel and timber pulled by huge draft horses, they are never light enough to be pushed by the wind.
Leaves, feathers, snowflakes, fairy's, smoke, etc, can be pushed by wind.
Comment Written 14-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2010
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Thank you for reading my story and for your input.
I used the first sentence to bridge reality to fantasy...the last thing the child hears before falling asleep and dreaming is the mother in the kitchen..
The sleigh push by the wind can be light in a dream,,,,,
Thanks again for your input, I truly take it seriously and appreciate it
Adina
Comment from Shirley McLain
A very cute story and I enjoyed reading it. Your writing brough vivid pictures to my mind. You did a very good job and i did not find any spag.
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2010
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A very cute story and I enjoyed reading it. Your writing brough vivid pictures to my mind. You did a very good job and i did not find any spag.
Comment Written 14-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2010
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thank you so much Texasgal93o :)
Glad you liked it.
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written with good form, good flow, good storyline. i enjoyed reading it very much and it gave me a smile. i wish you the best of luck in the contest
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2010
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this is very well written with good form, good flow, good storyline. i enjoyed reading it very much and it gave me a smile. i wish you the best of luck in the contest
Comment Written 14-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2010
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thank you so much
Comment from Spruchm
It was a good story but I had some difficulty following it when you started speaking about the blue snow. I also found I had questions about why oranges were on your dresser.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
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It was a good story but I had some difficulty following it when you started speaking about the blue snow. I also found I had questions about why oranges were on your dresser.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-Jun-2010
Comment from Krugerrand
What a great childhood story with a super fairy tale feel and charm to it. Some very nice visuals described as a child would. And the added depth of the smell of the house was a nice touch.
And there she was, standing and shivering in the cold room... (I think to stay in proper tense, it should say...And there she 'is'....)
Good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2010
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What a great childhood story with a super fairy tale feel and charm to it. Some very nice visuals described as a child would. And the added depth of the smell of the house was a nice touch.
And there she was, standing and shivering in the cold room... (I think to stay in proper tense, it should say...And there she 'is'....)
Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 14-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2010
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thank you...you are right, it should be"is" not "was".
Comment from plum145
a very lovely uplifting entry for this writing prompt.
I loved the imagery as well as the concept.
Is this a story from your past or a brand new creation?
Regardless, I think it has great potential for a children's illustrated book.
Good luck thank you so much for sharing
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2010
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a very lovely uplifting entry for this writing prompt.
I loved the imagery as well as the concept.
Is this a story from your past or a brand new creation?
Regardless, I think it has great potential for a children's illustrated book.
Good luck thank you so much for sharing
Comment Written 14-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2010
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thank you so much for your wonderful review and extremely generous rating. I am seriously humbled by it.
Comment from Judith Ann
What a sweet childhood story. This would be a nice children's tale too. Fairies are always good subject matter and you tell this story with ease. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2010
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What a sweet childhood story. This would be a nice children's tale too. Fairies are always good subject matter and you tell this story with ease. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 14-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2010
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thank you so much for your wonderful review and good wishes