Comment from Margaret Snowdon

Excellent

I'm enjoying this imensely -- the content
is so intriguing, (quite unique)
and the flow to the words, the rhythm and
rhyme, all excellent.

demesne - glad you explained - a new word to me and I can't pass one without knowing its meaning.

Well penned, Mike.
Margaret

 Comment Written 30-Apr-2010

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reply by the author on 30-Apr-2010

Thank you, Margaret :-). I've been delaying this one because I wasn;t happy with it at all, but some last moment revisions have fixed it, I think. I do love imparting new words! Been waiting to use that one in a worthwhile place. Thanks for your fantastic comments.

Mike

Comment from rama devi

Excellent

Hi Mike,
Excellent episode in the tale of the wandering man. this reminds me of the intense movie THE BOOK OF ELI---You must have seen it?

You have a masterful sense of rhythm and rhyme, yet on rare occasion you do things like invert the grammar that make the rhyme sound forced.For example-

This filthy, deadly, rarest girl
could not in hate reside.

This is quite a remarkable descriptive phrase--

My captors jigged and chanted like
demons in their demesne.

Interesting write.

Bravo.

Warmly, rd

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 Comment Written 30-Apr-2010

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reply by the author on 30-Apr-2010

Argh, you caught me! This one's gone through so much scribbling and editing, I got to the point of just posting it. So yes, there are a couple of little things left over :-(. Your comments did send me through my draft of chapter 4, hunting and eradicating inverted grammar (well, bar one, but I like that one!). I'll be posting it tomorrow I think.

Thank you! :-)

Mike

reply by rama devi on 30-Apr-2010

:) most welcome dear M.