Trapped
He spent too much time in the restroom.65 total reviews
Comment from tati
I was mesmerized as I read this story, Bob, Great character development, great suspense, great imagery. I love these lines:
- At fifty-seven years old, Casey MaClam was a tough city cop looking forward to early retirement just around the corner. Tall and still solid, he had a pale hard face disfigured by a broken nose. Substantial strength was left in his massive frame ...
- To Casey, the bottles behind the bar were as seductive as a woman's smile.
- A middle-aged man who had tended bar all night in a dirty apron, Fuzzy Hernandez was built like a steroid addict.
- He also had the IQ of a moth, a real pocket pool artist who peddled heavy-duty drugs. Gidlings made no attempt to hide the spiritual cancer that lived in his face.
Thanks to you, I learned several "new" words in your "Trapped": goateed, lisp and bash. Btw, would you please explain me the meaning of this sentence? /You know, CM, sometimes dealin' with you is like jerkin' off with sandpaper./
I think I found one minor errors: "Yeah, yeah," Fuzzy said, flipping his hand in the air. (")I didn't believe ...
Thank you for sharing and crafting this excellently written Mystery and Crime Fiction. Good luck in the contest. Warmest wishes,
tati, March 21, 2010
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2010
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I was mesmerized as I read this story, Bob, Great character development, great suspense, great imagery. I love these lines:
- At fifty-seven years old, Casey MaClam was a tough city cop looking forward to early retirement just around the corner. Tall and still solid, he had a pale hard face disfigured by a broken nose. Substantial strength was left in his massive frame ...
- To Casey, the bottles behind the bar were as seductive as a woman's smile.
- A middle-aged man who had tended bar all night in a dirty apron, Fuzzy Hernandez was built like a steroid addict.
- He also had the IQ of a moth, a real pocket pool artist who peddled heavy-duty drugs. Gidlings made no attempt to hide the spiritual cancer that lived in his face.
Thanks to you, I learned several "new" words in your "Trapped": goateed, lisp and bash. Btw, would you please explain me the meaning of this sentence? /You know, CM, sometimes dealin' with you is like jerkin' off with sandpaper./
I think I found one minor errors: "Yeah, yeah," Fuzzy said, flipping his hand in the air. (")I didn't believe ...
Thank you for sharing and crafting this excellently written Mystery and Crime Fiction. Good luck in the contest. Warmest wishes,
tati, March 21, 2010
Comment Written 21-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2010
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Hi, Tati..What a wonderful review. I thank you so sincerely. And thanks for catching that little nit. I will explain that line to you in your Personal mail...LOL...Okay? Take care...Bob
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Yes, I've read your PM. LOL. Thank you very much.
tati
Comment from adewpearl
Great character development in this story, Bob - I was really caught up in when the guy was going to come out of the bathroom, what was going to happen when and if he did, why he was there and why the Detective was so intent on getting him - Fuzzy, the bartender, provides a second, interesting perspective as Casey is getting so worked up - and then the dramatic ending after all that suspense - once things started happening, they really happened. You build mood well through setting and by getting into Casey's mind - this story kept me captivated. Brooke
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2010
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Great character development in this story, Bob - I was really caught up in when the guy was going to come out of the bathroom, what was going to happen when and if he did, why he was there and why the Detective was so intent on getting him - Fuzzy, the bartender, provides a second, interesting perspective as Casey is getting so worked up - and then the dramatic ending after all that suspense - once things started happening, they really happened. You build mood well through setting and by getting into Casey's mind - this story kept me captivated. Brooke
Comment Written 20-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2010
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Wow! This means a lot coming from you, Brooke! Thank you so much...Bob
Comment from amel
Selamat Pagi (Good Morning), Bob. It is 8:08 AM here.
ooh sad ending and you keep the ending hidden, but this made your story spectacular. Poor Jackie. What happened to Jackie, Bob? So sad I only have five star. This should be six. regards, amel.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2010
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Selamat Pagi (Good Morning), Bob. It is 8:08 AM here.
ooh sad ending and you keep the ending hidden, but this made your story spectacular. Poor Jackie. What happened to Jackie, Bob? So sad I only have five star. This should be six. regards, amel.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2010
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Thanks so much, amel...I appreciate your review very much. you are such a sweet person....Bob
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Thanks so much, amel...I appreciate your review very much. you are such a sweet person....Bob
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You are welcome, Bob. :) regards , amel
Comment from Ronni
Well, what a fatal mistake CM made turning his back on
Jackie....a cop that let his guard down facing the fatal
consequences! Gripping descriptions and background
on characters, described so meticously and strikingly.
Poor Jackie...outnumbered in the end by number key lock
door, sad mistake of killing the proprieter Fuzzy too.
Quite a twist in this story, and surprise derailed
flight for killer. Great job Bob!
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2010
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Well, what a fatal mistake CM made turning his back on
Jackie....a cop that let his guard down facing the fatal
consequences! Gripping descriptions and background
on characters, described so meticously and strikingly.
Poor Jackie...outnumbered in the end by number key lock
door, sad mistake of killing the proprieter Fuzzy too.
Quite a twist in this story, and surprise derailed
flight for killer. Great job Bob!
Comment Written 20-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2010
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Thank you, Ronni. I do so appreciate it...Bob
Comment from dragonqueen1983
i wish you the best of luck in the contest as you have a well written story here. i love the pic that you used and the whole bar theme is really cool
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2010
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i wish you the best of luck in the contest as you have a well written story here. i love the pic that you used and the whole bar theme is really cool
Comment Written 20-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2010
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Thanks so much, Queen. What did you think of the Jackie character? Jus tcuriious..Please advise...Bob
Comment from cheyennewy
Hi Bob,
I was transfixed as I read this story. You put me in that bar like a fly on the wall and I watched the scene unfold. Now I want to know what happened to Jackie....whatever it is it won't be good. You wrote this like all the rest of your work. Spectacular! Too bad I am out of sixers. Good luck in the contest....chey
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2010
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Hi Bob,
I was transfixed as I read this story. You put me in that bar like a fly on the wall and I watched the scene unfold. Now I want to know what happened to Jackie....whatever it is it won't be good. You wrote this like all the rest of your work. Spectacular! Too bad I am out of sixers. Good luck in the contest....chey
Comment Written 20-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2010
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Thanks so much, Chey. You are so kind and I know if you had one of those sixes you would honor me...Take care...Bob
Comment from LovnPeace
Wow, this is excellent writing Bob. It held me captive and a surprise though sad ending. Well done my friend. Very realistic details. Blessings, Barbara
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2010
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Wow, this is excellent writing Bob. It held me captive and a surprise though sad ending. Well done my friend. Very realistic details. Blessings, Barbara
Comment Written 20-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2010
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Awww! Are you sweet...A six,too..God bless you, my friend...I hope you are feeling well...as well as you can...Bob
Comment from fastdigits
Buddy, you have that gift of writing
tales in which you set the scenes,
meticulously describing what the scene
in which the particular part of the story
takes place, all the while, illuminating
in great detail the physical appearances of
all the players; then you keep the ending
hidden until the very end.
Well done and good luck
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2010
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Buddy, you have that gift of writing
tales in which you set the scenes,
meticulously describing what the scene
in which the particular part of the story
takes place, all the while, illuminating
in great detail the physical appearances of
all the players; then you keep the ending
hidden until the very end.
Well done and good luck
Comment Written 20-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2010
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Thanks so much, digits...This is a high complment from you...Bob
Comment from Mrs Jones
You are so darned good at writing this type of story Bobbie. I wish I was permitted to give you a six. The descriptions of the characters are excellent. The suspense and the turn about, great. I think this this one of your best.
Good writing
Cheers
Rose
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2010
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You are so darned good at writing this type of story Bobbie. I wish I was permitted to give you a six. The descriptions of the characters are excellent. The suspense and the turn about, great. I think this this one of your best.
Good writing
Cheers
Rose
Comment Written 20-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2010
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Gee, why won't they let you give me a six? Just curious? LOL...I'm kidding. Thanks so much, Rosie. Your kudos are so welcome..XXX Bobbie
Comment from RebelRose
Great story. It was interesting and easy to follow from beginning to end. It flowed well. Good contest entry.
I thoroughly enjoyed the read.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2010
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Great story. It was interesting and easy to follow from beginning to end. It flowed well. Good contest entry.
I thoroughly enjoyed the read.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2010
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Thanks so much, Rose. What did you think of the Fuzzy character's attitude? Just curious, Rose...Bob
