Reviews from

Flash Fiction

Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "From One Who Knows...."
Collection of Flash, Micro, etc.

54 total reviews 
Comment from gene_ink
Excellent
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Hi Begin Again. From one senior to another. A sad story for the one who carries the bottle. You have met the contest criteria and I wish you well.
Gene

 Comment Written 14-Aug-2009

reply by the author on 14-Aug-2009
    Gene

    He has managed to work through that time and now just struggles with healing his heart. Thanks for the review. Carol
Comment from skye
Excellent
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Wow, now this ending is really poignant and true. It is memorable... you can call it home.
Flash fiction is a strong style to condense a story into just the very essence...
Your short take is very well constructed, filled with all the drama one could wish for.
Very well done.
Good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 14-Aug-2009

reply by the author on 14-Aug-2009
    Skye Thanks for the wonderful review and the good luck wishes. I truly appreciate them. Carol
Comment from Mariea
Excellent
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What a brutal way for him to find out his fiance's infidelity and to turn to drink to drown his sorrows. No typo or punctuation problems that I could detect.

Good luck in the comp.

Regards Mia

 Comment Written 14-Aug-2009

reply by the author on 14-Aug-2009
    Mia Luckily he has passed that point in time and now just struggles to heal his heart.

    Thanks for the kind review. Carol
Comment from Raveness78
Excellent
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Wow, being new to this site, I haven't seen a complete story done in 100 words before and I've gotta say, well done! It works x x

 Comment Written 14-Aug-2009

reply by the author on 14-Aug-2009
    Raveness

    Welcome to FS...I hope you enjoy it as much as I do. Thanks for the review. I appreciate it. Carol
Comment from dihardest
Excellent
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I think a simple ellipsis, three little dots, positioned between the paragraph in which the man appears in boxer shorts and the paragraph with a devastated James sitting at the bar would provide perfect clarification, distinguishing two scenes: 1} James' memory of the reason for his devastation 2} his devastation.
I love James' last quote.

 Comment Written 14-Aug-2009

reply by the author on 14-Aug-2009
    dihardest

    Where were you when my brain wouldn't function? I was trying so hard to figure how to separate the two..duh!!

    Some times an overworked brain just doesn't work on the simplest of things. Thanks for the review and fixing my brain.

    Carol
Comment from mermaids
Excellent
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This says much here about lost loves and where individuals end up. Clear picture and character development, you did well with the limit of few words, great dialog and writing.

 Comment Written 14-Aug-2009

reply by the author on 14-Aug-2009
    Mermaids Thanks so much for the kind review. A few extra words would have helped, but that's the rules. He has moved past the drinking but his heart struggles still to heal. Thanks so much. Carol
Comment from tonydem
Excellent
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I feel like I should say sorry..sorry. OK now for the review. This is well written in just a 100 words and I love the last line. How many call it home for exactly the same reason. I can't justify it but I can understand it. Great job and good luck.
Tony

 Comment Written 14-Aug-2009

reply by the author on 14-Aug-2009
    Tony...I couldn't justify it either. My son unfortunately lived this story. His fiance of 4 yrs and a planned wedding...well, she was gone. He has worked past the drinking but I wonder if his heart will ever heal. Thanks for the review. I appreciate the thoughts. Carol
Comment from snodlander
Excellent
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The first story I've come across that is exactly 100 words long (rather than up to 100 words) Well done.

One nit:

He handed his fiance - fiancee (I know to my cost teddys just don't look sexy on fiances)

Good luck in the competition

 Comment Written 14-Aug-2009

reply by the author on 14-Aug-2009
    Snodlander Thanks for the kind review. I appreciate it very much. It was difficult to get a true story (my son's) into 100 words. Thanks again Carol
Comment from maxic59
Excellent
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A well deserved recognized award. Well done a very good story, you get straight to the point .
Good luck with the competition
cheers max

 Comment Written 14-Aug-2009

reply by the author on 14-Aug-2009
    Max

    Thanks so much for the kind review. It was difficult to get a story into 100 words. Especially when I had so much more I would have liked to say...(It was about my son and his fiance). Thanks again Carol
Comment from laurelp
Excellent
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How sad to make a bar your home. Nicely written but I might have added a few words between sentence number three and four. I seemed to jump just a little there. Then again, you only had one word left, so maybe not.

 Comment Written 14-Aug-2009

reply by the author on 14-Aug-2009
    Laurel

    I tried to blend the two together better, but I lost the other part if I did. Too bad it wasn't 110. Thanks for the review. I greatly appreciate it. Carol