Contest Entry and Winners
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Was it Heaven or Hell?"Short Stories
41 total reviews
Comment from L.lora
Begin Again, this was an accomplished write. You definitely know your way around a page. Your opening hooked me and your skill with words kept me captive to the end. You gave it a titillating edge, just enough to make the reader curious of where it was going. Setting the stage, you gave no hint of the turn of events about to come. This reads smoothly and is totally plausible. I could find no nits with your write just enjoyment. Thank you for the read. L.lora
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2009
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Begin Again, this was an accomplished write. You definitely know your way around a page. Your opening hooked me and your skill with words kept me captive to the end. You gave it a titillating edge, just enough to make the reader curious of where it was going. Setting the stage, you gave no hint of the turn of events about to come. This reads smoothly and is totally plausible. I could find no nits with your write just enjoyment. Thank you for the read. L.lora
Comment Written 08-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2009
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Llora
Thanks for making me smile this morning. I appreciate the boost to my confidence. One said it was unoriginal...maybe, but it's a lesson difficult for young girls to learn. I thought it beared repeating. Glad you enjoyed it. Thanks again Carol
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I'm so sorry that some one called it unoriginal. Regardless if the story has been told countless times; I've not heard it told as effectively as you have done. I have to admit it took me back to a time when I didn't always use good judgement in some of the situations I was confronted with. Perhaps the critic felt uncomfortable with the material; maybe it hit too close to home. Again, you did a grand job, be proud of your write; it takes a lot to keep me glued to something passed the first paragraph or two. Keep writing. Lora
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Lora
Thank you so much. I love to write, but I get an extra boost when others enjoy it too. Always a friend, Carol
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You are most welcome Carol. Take care, Lora
Comment from StevenJosephBruening
I think we have a winner here! Gripping, well written! Excellent character development. Pace was perfect for the piece, quikening when it needed to to enhance the situation. A really engrossing read. Love it! Good luk in the contest!
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2009
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I think we have a winner here! Gripping, well written! Excellent character development. Pace was perfect for the piece, quikening when it needed to to enhance the situation. A really engrossing read. Love it! Good luk in the contest!
Comment Written 08-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2009
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Steven Your wonderful review helps relieve my tension. One suggested it was too unoriginal and carried no punch. I am so glad that your attention was held and you understood the characters. Thanks so much. Carol
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You are most welcome. It was my pleasure.
~ Steven
Comment from dihardest
I would have to say you made the most of those three little words. You take your readers on quite the journey here and maybe offer just a bit of a valuable life lesson. Your characters are very well developed. Your characterization of Mary Beth's thoughts in lust and horror are superb! Very good read.
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2009
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I would have to say you made the most of those three little words. You take your readers on quite the journey here and maybe offer just a bit of a valuable life lesson. Your characters are very well developed. Your characterization of Mary Beth's thoughts in lust and horror are superb! Very good read.
Comment Written 08-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2009
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dihardest Thank you so much for the kind review. I am glad you could see the changes in Mary Beth's character. That's what I always worry about. Thanks Carol
Comment from dmjones
Carol this is excellent. I liked the suspense right from the start. Your title gave away that somethng was going to happen and it wasn't going to be good. I didn't spot any grammar errors. Good last paragraph too. It sums it up well.
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2009
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Carol this is excellent. I liked the suspense right from the start. Your title gave away that somethng was going to happen and it wasn't going to be good. I didn't spot any grammar errors. Good last paragraph too. It sums it up well.
Comment Written 08-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2009
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dmjones
Do you think I should have used something else for a title? Or does this give enough intrigue to encourage you to read? Thanks for the review. Carol
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If I saw I just the title I would read because it catches you and makes you wonder. So I would keep it definitely.
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Thanks...I appreciate the input. Have a great day! Carol
Comment from Mrs Jones
The first half of the story I thought - eat your heart out Mz Cartland. Lol. Then, came the clever twist. Nice work. Very entertaining and well written. No nits from me.
Well done
Cheers
Rose
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2009
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The first half of the story I thought - eat your heart out Mz Cartland. Lol. Then, came the clever twist. Nice work. Very entertaining and well written. No nits from me.
Well done
Cheers
Rose
Comment Written 08-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2009
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Rose
You are oh so kind. I am very pleased that you enjoyed the story. Some one told me it was the unoriginal and so I worried whether it would attract a reader. Thanks again Carol
Comment from Phil Kitom
An Excellent but unsettling story that
makes you feel frightened to go out in
a world like this, where at any time
you might come across a maniac like
this. Well done a fine story...
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2009
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An Excellent but unsettling story that
makes you feel frightened to go out in
a world like this, where at any time
you might come across a maniac like
this. Well done a fine story...
Comment Written 08-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2009
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Phil Thanks...I was hoping that the simplicity of Mary Beth's life would show how it can happen to anyone. Small town, every one knows everyone, a good time on Friday nights, and one mistake. Thanks again for the review. Carol
Comment from MJMuraco
Your story was well written and really held my attention right to the end. You used great description of the scenes and awesome dialogue. There truly was suspense as I wondered who Mason was. What kind of man is prince charming?
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2009
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Your story was well written and really held my attention right to the end. You used great description of the scenes and awesome dialogue. There truly was suspense as I wondered who Mason was. What kind of man is prince charming?
Comment Written 08-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2009
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MJMuraco this one was no Prince Charming...He used his Charms like a Black Widow, I think. Thanks for your kind review. Glad you enjoyed the story. Carol
Comment from Sarabran
Wow! This was filled with suspense. It was so scary. I think you did a wonderful job getting the reader pulled into your horror story. This could easily happen to someone too. I enjoyed reading it... Sarabran
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2009
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Wow! This was filled with suspense. It was so scary. I think you did a wonderful job getting the reader pulled into your horror story. This could easily happen to someone too. I enjoyed reading it... Sarabran
Comment Written 08-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2009
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Sara Far too easy I think. Young girls always think it couldn't happen to them, but it most definitely can. Thanks for the review. Carol
Comment from c_lucas
This is a well written action pack thriller. In today's world this is very believable. There is very good imagery and descriptive scheme. Good luck in your contest.
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2009
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This is a well written action pack thriller. In today's world this is very believable. There is very good imagery and descriptive scheme. Good luck in your contest.
Comment Written 07-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2009
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Charlie Thanks for the kind review. I am glad you enjoyed it. Unfortunately, you are right about it being believable...too many young girls take the guy home not ever believing what could happen to them. Carol
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You're welcome, Carol. Charlie
Comment from abishag98
Excellent story, Begin Again! Very well written. I laughed out loud at this line:
"I couldn't decide if I missed my mouth with the shot glass or if drool was running down my face."
Ha! That's really a funny line!
Your story had tension, drama, a little sex, a little romance, as well as suspense which all makes for a great read.
The only thing I saw that you might want to change is in this line:
"Mary Beth, what's got into you? I know your always acting crazy, but you haven't left this guy's side tonight."
I'm thinking the word "your" should be "you're."
Great story! Very enjoyable! Very well done!
Thanks!
-- Wendyl
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2009
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Excellent story, Begin Again! Very well written. I laughed out loud at this line:
"I couldn't decide if I missed my mouth with the shot glass or if drool was running down my face."
Ha! That's really a funny line!
Your story had tension, drama, a little sex, a little romance, as well as suspense which all makes for a great read.
The only thing I saw that you might want to change is in this line:
"Mary Beth, what's got into you? I know your always acting crazy, but you haven't left this guy's side tonight."
I'm thinking the word "your" should be "you're."
Great story! Very enjoyable! Very well done!
Thanks!
-- Wendyl
Comment Written 07-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2009
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Wendy
Thanks for telling me which line that was. some one else just gave me the word and needless to say I couldn't find it. I am so pleased that you enjoyed the the story. Thanks for the wonderful review. Carol