Comment from Stacy L. Kersten

Excellent

This is a very beautiful and heart-wrenching poem. It reminds us that although we, in the fury of newly-born love, might feel as if our love will last forever...sometimes it sadly doesn't. Great work.

 Comment Written 30-Jun-2009

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reply by the author on 30-Jun-2009

Stacy...

This is exactly what happened unfortunately to my son. He was planning to be married and one day she decided forever was done. Sad and devastating. Thanks for commenting. Carol

Comment from Joan E.

Excellent

I enjoyed your double mirrored tetractys very much in the way the told the first two stanzas told of love experienced and the second set, love lost. However, I believe the fifth line is only nine syllables. Let me know, and I'll be happy to reread your poem and rerate it.

Revision: good edit in the fifth line. Well done.

 Comment Written 30-Jun-2009

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reply by the author on 30-Jun-2009

Joan...Thanks for the mention of the syllables. I was just changing it before I read your comments. Please check it out for me again. I would appreciate it! As always, I need all the help I can get from friends. Thanks, Carol

reply by Joan E. on 30-Jun-2009

My pleasure to be helpful--I have already revised my review. Thanks for the feedback.
-Joan

Comment from --Turtle.

Excellent

I think this was pretty cool. I love the message, the journey of love and heartbreak with all the unfortunate reality of it all. But!

I think the line

or in front of you, always entwined.

Only has nine sylables...

but if you switch 'always' with 'forever' ?? ... : )

 Comment Written 30-Jun-2009

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reply by the author on 30-Jun-2009

turtlestage...I have pondered on this all day. Syllable count says the past tense is three, but it sounds to me like two. The dictionary says entwine is two so does the d make it three. I think I prefer just writing - no counting. I originally wrote it with forever and changed it because of the internet site. I'm totally confused. I'm glad you liked the poem. Carol

reply by --Turtle. on 30-Jun-2009

I'm not one hundred percent sure now myself. I looked at the dictionary too after I read it, cause I didn't want to say it was 2 without checking myself... In the dictionary I found

en·twined, en·twin·ing, en·twines

Where I took the dot as a sylalbe break.

but if you used the syllable count using word calc calculator (it says it's 100% )off the internet, it says three... en*twine*d ? hmmm. and that calculator thinks syllable only has one syllable, so I'm not so sure I trust it.

words count Calculator says two,

another site says when -ed is added it adds another sylable only if it is proceeded by a d or a t -found that at createdbyteachers.com

I'm going to go with my gut and say entwined only has 2 syllables on this one. Though I'm no word guru! I trust the dictionary over word calc.

reply by the author on 30-Jun-2009

I checked another site too. Wrote entwined 56 times and then checked the syllable count. Came up with 112 which would mean it gave each word two. So I went with two. I just got a message from Joan E. who said it was nine syllables too. So I changed it to forever...which is where I was in the beginning.
Thanks for checking this with me. Your friend, Carol

Comment from c_lucas

Excellent

A good relationship is a couple depending on the other while supporting the other. It is a relationship of equality. Very well written.

 Comment Written 30-Jun-2009

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reply by the author on 30-Jun-2009

C lucas...

Thanks for for reading and commenting. I greatly appreciate you taking the time. Thanks again - Carol

reply by c_lucas on 30-Jun-2009

You're welcome, Carol. Charlie

Comment from frelanz

Excellent

Well done and well written. Great photo too. Love the words you used and very enjoyable to read. To me the count, syllables, rhyme...mean nothing. What comes from your mind and heart is what makes a poem!!! Well done :-)

Dawn

 Comment Written 30-Jun-2009

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reply by the author on 30-Jun-2009

Dawn...

You and me both! I am now only experimenting, trying to learn a little about the syllables and such...but truly the painted picture and vivid words is where my heart tends to be.

Thanks for your kind comments. They are truly appreciated. Carol C

Comment from cheyennewy

Excellent

Hi Carol...this may be your first attempt at the tetracty but you did an excellent job, just like you were an expert. I like the theme and the word choices...sad but well written poem....good luck in the contest.....blessings....chey

 Comment Written 30-Jun-2009

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reply by the author on 30-Jun-2009

Chey...

My ego is bursting with joy from your overly nice words.

Thank you so much for being so kind. I greatly appreciate it! Carol C

reply by cheyennewy on 30-Jun-2009

You are most welcome!

Comment from GABSTBOZ

Excellent

Hi Begin Again
I'm so saddened to read "Always One"
I fit into this "teardrops falling, sorrow comes, I am One. " category
One is a lonely number. All bleeding hearts aside, you've written a great piece that tugs the heart strings .

Smiles
Gabor

 Comment Written 30-Jun-2009

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reply by the author on 30-Jun-2009

Gabor...

I'm sorry that your heart is broken that's an empty, sad feeling. If friendship helps but a little, I offer mine.

Thanks for reading and commenting. A friend, Carol

reply by GABSTBOZ on 30-Jun-2009

Dear Carol
Thank you friend .

Smiles
Gabor

Comment from Phil Kitom

Excellent

Well you don't do things by halves do you....
Not content with a tetractys with one verse
you manage to create four verses..
Well done you .....

 Comment Written 30-Jun-2009

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reply by the author on 30-Jun-2009

Phil...

I have been told that many times by my family and friends. One verse really didn't tell the story. Thank you so much for your kind remarks. I greatly appreciated. Carol

Comment from colinlinder

Excellent

Well for all your inexperience, I think you did very well. Mind you, I've only ever wrote one myself so maybe I'm not the best one to review yours lol, but I liked it

 Comment Written 30-Jun-2009

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reply by the author on 30-Jun-2009

Colin

Thank you for your kind remarks. I truly appreciate your comments. Carol

Comment from Blaidd Drwg

Excellent

Carol, this may be your first attempt at this form but it is *stunningly* beautiful... and sad. I think it's absolutely marvelous the way the joy of the first part is mirrored by the sadness of the second, Especially the you you end each half with the word "one". Brilliant.

John

 Comment Written 30-Jun-2009

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reply by the author on 30-Jun-2009

John...

You have simply made my day. Thank you so much for your kind words. You understood exactly what I thought I was trying to do. Thanks again - Carol