The Tears of God
a villanelle31 total reviews
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Alvin,
this is a wonderful Villanelle poem tellin us I believe (of you)during your troubled times,
but when I read this repeated phrase-
I cried the tears of God.
all I could think of when Jesus suffered on the cruel tree and how God His Father weep tears that He sacrificed His beloved son had to die for our sins.
I really wish you the very best in the contest.
Gert
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2009
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Hello Alvin,
this is a wonderful Villanelle poem tellin us I believe (of you)during your troubled times,
but when I read this repeated phrase-
I cried the tears of God.
all I could think of when Jesus suffered on the cruel tree and how God His Father weep tears that He sacrificed His beloved son had to die for our sins.
I really wish you the very best in the contest.
Gert
Comment Written 11-Jun-2009
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2009
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Thanks. You caught exactly the reference I wanted readers to think of. Thanks again for a good review.
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You are welcome, Alvin
Gert
Comment from cheyennewy
Hi Al...such a fine villanelle and what makes it even better it the truth that speaks in every line. "I cried the tears of God" is a powerful thought and I imagine it is true. Good luck in the contest....chey
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2009
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Hi Al...such a fine villanelle and what makes it even better it the truth that speaks in every line. "I cried the tears of God" is a powerful thought and I imagine it is true. Good luck in the contest....chey
Comment Written 11-Jun-2009
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2009
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Yes, it was. Especially because I was denied the antidepressant that I have taken for twenty-five years the one night I was in jail. Thanks for a great review.
Comment from Kentucky Sweet Pea
Another good poem. It rings with shades of Jesus within its lines to reveal once more His horrific suffering in His last days here. There are really only two places to be; at the foot of the cross or on it.
Penny
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2009
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Another good poem. It rings with shades of Jesus within its lines to reveal once more His horrific suffering in His last days here. There are really only two places to be; at the foot of the cross or on it.
Penny
Comment Written 11-Jun-2009
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2009
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You are the first person to catch that undertone, which I intended. Thank you for a very insightful review.
Comment from adewpearl
Alvin, I find this a particularly difficult form to write - so bonus points for writing in solid form! You portray your stay in jail and your emotional/spiritual response to the experience well. Brooke
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2009
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Alvin, I find this a particularly difficult form to write - so bonus points for writing in solid form! You portray your stay in jail and your emotional/spiritual response to the experience well. Brooke
Comment Written 11-Jun-2009
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2009
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Thanks. Yes, this is not an easy form to write but I find the terzanelle even more difficult. Thanks for a great review.
Comment from Scarlettdreams
I suspect this might be from experience. So sad the injustices of the world. I think the repetitive nature of this form suits this piece and helps drive home the feelings of abandonment and being falsely accused. Bravo
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2009
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I suspect this might be from experience. So sad the injustices of the world. I think the repetitive nature of this form suits this piece and helps drive home the feelings of abandonment and being falsely accused. Bravo
Comment Written 11-Jun-2009
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2009
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Yes, all of this, unfortunately, is true. Thanks for a good review.
Comment from lola29
You have so profusely blended feelings of agony with poignant empathy. Alvin, have you written any novels? Your poems convey an enlightenment about injustice; perhaps a book is forthcoming? Excellent!
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2009
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You have so profusely blended feelings of agony with poignant empathy. Alvin, have you written any novels? Your poems convey an enlightenment about injustice; perhaps a book is forthcoming? Excellent!
Comment Written 11-Jun-2009
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2009
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Yes, I am currently writing a novel called "Luisa." 22 chapters have been posted on this site so far. I think you would enjoy it. Thanks for understanding the combination of agony and empathy I wanted to convey in this poem.
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I'm eager to read Luisa. Please, keep writing.
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I have to write. It is in my blood.
Comment from joan marie
Interesting choice of forms for this message. It works well. The repitition in a Villanelle repeats your key lines and emphasises your point to a great degree. Great write. joan marie
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2009
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Interesting choice of forms for this message. It works well. The repitition in a Villanelle repeats your key lines and emphasises your point to a great degree. Great write. joan marie
Comment Written 11-Jun-2009
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2009
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Thank you for your very kind and understanding review.
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You're welcome, early bird today. jm
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It's actually late for me to start work; it's almost 0900 hours here.
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It's about noon here. Feeling better today. Did some housework. Now I think I will sun and swim in the pool. I really have it a lot better than so many others, I feel terrible that I complain. jm
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That's good to remember. But, remember also, that people have not had it as horrible as we have had it, either.
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That's true, but I try not to think about it too much. That's why I use Jane instead of my name, I don't want pity. But people need to know. My best friend has never had a drink in her life except at her two weddings and at 67 is living alone for the first time. She is so naive is is almost ridiculous. She's never been exposed to anything like what we have. jm
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Unfortunately, there are a lot of people like that out there and we have a responsibility to educate them. Lucky us!
Comment from honeytree
Loved your words written here Alvin. The cruelty and treatment in jails would be horrible to say the least.
I like the style of poetry you have written here.
I feel when someone is in jail, they shouldn't be locked up as they are. I feel they can work on farms helping out some where. The reasonI say this is this could give the prisoner
some hope and strength to be able to do some skills not only to help others but themselves.
We cannot rehabilitate prisoners couped up in cells.We can by encouraging them to work in some work like situation that, could help them.Hopefully when they leave jail, they may help within our society instead being against society.
Great writing
Honeytree.
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2009
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Loved your words written here Alvin. The cruelty and treatment in jails would be horrible to say the least.
I like the style of poetry you have written here.
I feel when someone is in jail, they shouldn't be locked up as they are. I feel they can work on farms helping out some where. The reasonI say this is this could give the prisoner
some hope and strength to be able to do some skills not only to help others but themselves.
We cannot rehabilitate prisoners couped up in cells.We can by encouraging them to work in some work like situation that, could help them.Hopefully when they leave jail, they may help within our society instead being against society.
Great writing
Honeytree.
Comment Written 11-Jun-2009
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2009
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Yes, that is going to be the point of my article when I write it, probably next week, about the abuses that go on in the jail system. Thanks for a great review.
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I am glad you liked the review. I really enjoyed reading. Honeytree.
Comment from Judian James
Very well done Alvin. The choice of form to make your point was good and the flow is perfect. My you have suffered. I hope it's time for you to move on my friend.
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2009
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Very well done Alvin. The choice of form to make your point was good and the flow is perfect. My you have suffered. I hope it's time for you to move on my friend.
Comment Written 11-Jun-2009
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2009
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Jesus suffered for injustice, too. How can I do better than to imitate our Lord? Thanks for a great review.
Comment from babylonia
you make this look so easy and i know it isn't. writing in meter and rhyme. not ready to try that one yet but i have done two kyrielles now.
it's frustrating to see you in jail and a man like the one who killed the guard at the holocaust museum was free even after kidnapping government officials.
love,
barbara
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reply by the author on 11-Jun-2009
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you make this look so easy and i know it isn't. writing in meter and rhyme. not ready to try that one yet but i have done two kyrielles now.
it's frustrating to see you in jail and a man like the one who killed the guard at the holocaust museum was free even after kidnapping government officials.
love,
barbara
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 11-Jun-2009
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2009
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Thanks for a very understanding review. I do plan on writing an article and widely publishing it on the failure of the American jail system.
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it's easy to see how innocent people still go to jail. that's what i try to tell people when they start pushing for longer or harder sentences. i try to remind them that innocent people have went to jail and they could be next. plus, given a different circumstances, you might find yourself doing things to survive that normally wouldn't be done. it happens.
they did a psychology experiment with a group of men. i think 30 in all. 15 were prisoners and the others, guards. nice, normal looking group in all. they were supposed to last a month. they had to stop it after two weeks because of the chaos that prevailed. the power the guards began to use on the "prisoners". it really became like a true prison atmosphere. they understood, it can happen to anyone.
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yes, that is why the guards hated me. They couldn't have power over me verbally no matter how hard they tried because I wouldn't respond, and the one who threw me across the room knew that I had grounds for a lawsuit and stayed away after that. My article is going to include a section on how negative behaviorism psychology actually encourages crime.
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i know it will be a good one. i wish you the best of luck with it.